i realised something the other day. i usually cut whenever my old cuts heal. like, when the cut gets all shiny and pink and fresh skinned… that’s when i need to cut again. i realised this the other day after a little incident at school the other day. i cut after that. the urge, no need, to cut was really bad. i looked at my thumb, near the end of november i tore my skin – the spot between the middle joints in my thumb - open with a pen lid i put tiny ridges in with my teeth. that cut was fresh skinned and pink and shiny. then […]
they took a picture of me during lunch hour the other day. and by they i mean my ‘friends’. actually, i’m not even friends with the boy who took the picture. he just hangs out with my ‘friends’. anyway, he took a picture and showed the girl next to him. they started laughing. i figured it was a picture from facebook or something. then one of the girls asked ‘what?’. the girl who first saw the picture said ‘trust me. you don’t want to see it’. the boy sent the picture to that girl and then showed the other people around him. they were all […]
looking around my room i realise i have so many pills. two types of naproxen, concerta, Aleve, Adivl, Tylonal, and sleeping pillings. i coud OD no problem but… i don’t. i keep thinking about it… all the time… i want to soo bad. i could take all those pills. there’s even more in the medicine cabinet and alcohol under the stove. i could take the pills, go to bed, and never wake up.
i don’t know if it’s progress that i haven’t tried ODing yet or not because i keep thinking about it… a lot.
i stopped cutting… i think. it’s only been a few days since […]
i’m dying
it’s been a while since i was last on this site. i thought everything was good, except not it’s not. i’m failing all my classes in school, i’m afraid i might not even pass this year, and i get anxiety attacks all the time. i really hate anxiety attacks. i feel that the only way to calm myself down is by choking myself or burning my hands with really hot water. i know neither of those things are healthy but the pain on the inside is so bad and i really don’t want to cut, i’ve been resisting for so long, i have the scars […]
  i’ve ruined everything. I don’t want to live. it’s to hard. i fuck up everything, my life, other peoples. my life and others would be better if i could stop being a fucking ***** and just kill myself like i’ve wanted to for moths now. i’ve tried closing myself off but it dosen’t work. i try not being around people who make me feel weak and worthless but their everywhere!
  how pathetic am i? today i had some sort of panick attack in my socials class so i started sawing at my skin with a pen lid. that how desperate i am. it didn’t even cut. it just peeled back layers of skin until i got this weird not-even-bleeding patch on my arm. god, i’m a pathetic, worthless, waste of space on the face of this earth.
  one of the boys i was working with asked what i was doing and i relied all calmly “Trying to cut myself with a pen lid.” that prompted him to ask “Why?” I didn’t even have to […]
  don’t call me a hypocrit because i’m talking about this being in my position. anyway, i have this one friend and i’m sure she has an eating disorder. she eats as little as possible, tiny nibbles when she eats a sandwich, when she comes to parties she’s not piggging out like the rest of my friends, and she’s rail thin.
  another friend i have has an eating disorder and cuts and burns herself. she chugs pop before meals so she’s not hungry and she has a stash of lighters and razor blades in her room. i’ve know she cuts for a while but just […]
  i’m 15 – 16 in 5 months – and last year i started getting kind of deppressed, i didn’t care about anything, including myself, so i began to cut. i knew if i cut my wrists my mom would see and i’m a swimmer so most of my body would be exposed. so i began to cut up my stomach. i carved DIE into it, i put X’s on it, i had sliced up alot of my stomach. i knew if anyone in my family saw they’d get mad. so i started to resist the urge. then that lead to me putting a plastic […]