Is it really just giving up?
Why am I so obsessed with death?
School starts Monday.
I don’t know what to feel about either. 24 and most people I went to school with are done and have jobs and spouses. I know it shouldn’t get to me but it still does.
I don’t think I want to die right now but I don’t feel great. While I do well in school I feel retarded in normal everyday situations. I fear that this will hold me back, as it has in the past. I don’t think anybody in my previous jobs respected me. Not that being a respected line cook or pizza delivery driver really means anything to me (no offense), […]
At all. I hate the person I become when I’m actually achieving something in life (schoolwise, at this point). And I hate the person I am when I sit at my computer all day playing games. I could totally be a fucking mooch if I wanted. Who am I kidding, I’m a fucking mooch right now. 24 years old this Sunday and I still live with my parents, who pay pretty much all of my expenses. Especially school, which I’ve been in since I was 18. Granted, I’m going to a state school and my parents are not poor, but I still feel like shit […]
I would love to believe in a God or a higher meaning, or that memories (or anything for that matter) persist after death. But I can’t. So with that in mind, what difference does it make if I decide to hang myself today or die in 50+ years?
Until I got the news today, the news that just might finalize my decision, I felt like a dead man walking for the past few months. And back then, things were going relatively well. But now…
There is something comforting about knowing I’m going to die. I’m scared too. But honestly, every life is a death sentence. There is some beauty in being the one to end my life. A sense of real control.
I want my death to mean something.
I recently found out that I will no longer be eligible for financial aid very soon. It doesn’t matter that I got straight A’s last semester; it is because of how many credit hours I have attempted without getting a major, apparently. I changed my major a few times and had a few rough semesters, and now that I am truly passionate about my work they are going to cut me off. Funny, huh? So as of today it seems as well as having no friends, no life, and no money, I have no future. I will never finish college. And I am doubtful I […]
I’m surprised to see you again.