eternaldarkness

what would you do with it?

sucks
sucks
SUCKS

(for me)

-happiness
-love
-self-love
-internal peace

-motivation

My life is a mistake; I should never have been born. I’ve never regretted a decision I made till about a decade ago, and now all I seem to be doing is making mistakes upon mistakes. It’s not just the mistakes I’ve made- it’s that I seem to keep making them (most of them stem from inaction from being depressed and not feeling I’m good enough). And then the feeling like shit that I made x, y, z mistake.

So….what to do? I feel like shit. Then I mess my life up, and I feel more shitty. Then I make more mistakes. The cycle continues.

I wish […]

for some strange reason, the first thought that popped in my head was “a bag of skittles.”
O_o

that are non-allergy inducing? I’m allergic to anything that has hair (of course, those are the cutest ones). Looking for something:

-easy to take care of
-cheap- something that doesn’t cost a lot of $$$ to buy or maintain
-something fun (no fish)
-something that doesn’t smell
-something small
-nothing with hair

I mean real, lasting joy, not something fleeting or momentary.
For some, it is their beloved pet. What is it for you?

Or videos?

I’ve been watching forensic files, of death and murder stories. Watching stories of serial killers, and of how they kill those who want to live.

I was thinking…what if murderers killed people who want to die? I mean, not that I want to be murdered when I don’t want to be or die in a brutal way, but let’s say there’s an agreement and it’s a quick ending (say, a bullet to the head) and there’s no torture or anything horrible or gruesome like that.

Let’s say there are killers who want to kill and suicidal people who want to die. […]

For those with crappy lives, which I assume is most of us here, cuz well, SP…

Life sucks when you feel hopeless. And it’s not like people choose to be hopeless, just like people don’t choose to be depressed. It’s been a long hard decade since I’ve lost hope and my will to live. How does one live being hopeless? How does one get it back? The will to live? The *oomf and zest and desire for life? I’ve been searching for the last decade+ and nada. Nothing I’ve ever tried works. Fleeting days where it’s not so bad, and I might enjoy a few hours here and there doing activities, but […]

Imagine if you could take depressed suicidal SPers, combine them to make 1 happy, normal, functioning person, and kill off the rest.

…when you no longer have the energy to fight? to get up? to live? when you no longer care about anything anymore?

It’s one thing to be depressed- I’ve been depressed my entire life. But it’s different once you lose your desire to live. Then nothing matters. You can’t do anything because you don’t care anymore. You’re utterly defeated and hopeless.

Uplifting words are just that. When you have depression, thinking happy thoughts and happy words just don’t work. When you’ve lost your will to live, uplifting motivational words or videos don’t work either. People telling you to […]

and I can’t forget him. It’s been 8.5 years but I still can’t move on or forget about him. He was the one for me. And I was the idiot who pushed him away and broke up with him. To this day, that has been the regret of my life. How stupid, how foolish. I’ve never looked back at any of the other guys I’ve ever broken up with. But him, he was the one. He was everything I ever wanted. I never felt about anyone as much as I did for him.

I wish I could […]

I feel so broken.

:'(