Author

eyegoespop

Hey guys! I'm 16, female, bisexual, pagan, depressed, self harmer and yeah, not much else. I'm so confused about everything and I just can't cope anymore.

And finally number four.

by eyegoespop 2/4/2013

written by eyegoespop

And finally number four, self harm.

I hate those words, self harm. It’s strange that to some people it simply means a problem that someone has, to others it’s a consuming addiction. I don’t even know how to talk about it, I’ve never really had to. Not out loud. People are too afraid to ask me about it face to face, or if they do they never come straight out with it, like if your parents try to have a sex talk with you, without actually mentioning the word sex. Thats what all of my friends are like. But the stupid thing is people expect me […]

2/4/2013 1 comment

Number three.

by eyegoespop 2/4/2013

written by eyegoespop

Number three, exams.

Everyone goes through the stress of exams, I am currently in my final year of high school so there is a lot of pressure on me to do well. I am targeted to get A*’s in everything, I’m apparently gifted and talented, however that won’t happen. You see my two biggest fears in life are failure and rejection. So in order to avoid failure, I simply don’t try anymore. I’m underachieving in everything, I’m still on A’s and B’s, because in my mind if I try and fail then I’m just an idiot, but if I don’t try and fail then I can […]

2/4/2013 2 comments

This is why I don’t let myself care.

by eyegoespop 2/4/2013

written by eyegoespop

He doesn’t like me, I knew he fucking didn’t. I hate myself for caring, I can’t believe I’m actually crying over a fucking guy. Never again. Ever. Everyone can fuck off because I am done.

2/4/2013 0 comment

Number two on the list.

by eyegoespop 2/4/2013

written by eyegoespop

So number two, my grandad.

I’ve already mentioned him briefly but I shall give you a bit more detail.
He was always ill, but it never seemed to phase him. I think in total he suffered 2 strokes, 1 “mini” stroke, a heart attack, several ongoing illnesses and probably some other things. For about the last five years he has been in about out of hospital and nursing homes for people recovering but he never really did recover. As well as being ill we think he had dementia, he often forgot where he was, who we were and even our names. That hurt, a lot. But anyway […]

2/4/2013 4 comments

Wanting to die.

by eyegoespop 2/3/2013

written by eyegoespop

Wanting to die is a strange feeling. It consumes all of the joy in you and turns you into mere nothingness. Empty, cold and numb are the best words to describe it. It has gotten to the point where I can be dripping in my own blood, not feeling anything, no pain, no emotion. I thought he was a new beginning but I mean nothing as always and I don’t expect anything different nowadays. Some people know about my self harm and depression but none of them can fix me. I’m far too broken to ever be helped, I don’t even know what it feels […]

2/3/2013 6 comments

Number one on the list.

by eyegoespop 2/3/2013

written by eyegoespop

Number one on the list…

Connor.
That name means so much to me right now, good and bad. I have this friend, I use the term friend loosely, we met at a party just over a month ago. Since we met we have text each other every day for most of the day and we see each other at least once a week, usually more than that. He is amazing. He makes me happy without having to do a single thing, just being around him makes me feel so much better about everything and I don’t know why. I like him and he likes me, but here’s […]

2/3/2013 4 comments

Biggest things in my life right now.

by eyegoespop 2/3/2013

written by eyegoespop

Well I was going to explain everything in the order it happened but I’ve come to realise that would take months.

(*T.B.E means to be explained)

Biggest things in my life as of today;
â€¢Connor, (T.B.E)
â€¢My Granddads recent death&funeral, (T.B.E)
â€¢Exams, (T.B.E)

â€¢Self Harm… (T.B.E?)
There are other things but they are not of high importance.

2/3/2013 0 comment

So, hey.

by eyegoespop 2/3/2013

written by eyegoespop

Hey I’m new to this but there are some things I need to get off my chest. I’m sorry if I offend anyone or just generally upset/piss people off.

So I’ll start from the beginning.
From a very young age I didn’t really have a “normal” family. My parents divorced when I was a few months old so for a couple of years it was just me, my mum and my brother. My dad was always in my life, more so now than he used to be, but still he was around. When I was about two we moved in with my stepdad. He has two sons […]

2/3/2013 2 comments