3 years since i last posted
Hi, I’m Annie, resident fuck up of phoenix arizona. But then again, we do have someone shooting up a highway here (in my honest opinion, i think it’s a part of the gun control movement. Shoot people and make them scared of guns, gets more people to orgasm over gun control.)
I used to post on here all the damn time as a 12-14 year old, I made friends on here that i never kept. It was like our own little community of fucked depressed people.
I don’t know how I remembered this website, but I am glad I […]
I decided, why  let my last cut go unmemorialized? I am going to stop… After tonight.
I’m just gonna quit.
I was feeling particularly bad today, after my sister yelling at me about how I can’t do anything right while I was washing dishes. When I told her to leave me alone and get out of the kitchen, she started yelling about how i’m psycho and need to shut up.
So, I cut a little heart on my palm. I decided to just turn it into a tattoo.. At first I though I should sterilize the needle… But considering I usually either cut with a needle or piece […]
Once again, a long stream of depression has hit. Went to sleep crying last night, and woke up crying.
So I cut. It’s almost been a month, and my parents finally are letting me sleep in my room since the last time that they saw my cuts.
I decided my wrists and hands made things too obvious. So I would go on my thighs. That small area that is hidden by the sides of a bikini bottom. I lost my glass that I use to cut, so I used a needle, which doesn’t really cut. It just takes off a later of skin 🙁 I heard my […]
I want to scream. Scream until I lose my voice. I have no way to communicate with anyone who I can actually talk to for a few weeks. Cole is in a mental hospital, so there goes person number one. My mom took my phone, so there goes Devin, Andrew, and well those are the only people I can talk to.
I would have been able to talk to cole during visit and calling hours, but no. I don’t have my fucking phone. Why? because my mom was explaining something to me for the third time, even though i already understood. So I tell her she […]
I hate how people have been acting about Amanda Todd. They act like suicide is something completely new to the world. It doesn’t matter how much they bullied the deceased, once a suicide hits the news, they act like they would have given a fuck if she had told them. On Facebook, people are making pages called RIP Amanda Todd, and posting about how horrible it is, and how they bet the bullies feel like crap now. On average, someone kills themselves every 15 minutes. What about all those people?
Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato
That is the number one thing I live by. Always be nice to people. It’s true, everyone has at least one hard battle going on in their life. God knows how many I am going through. So why don’t other people take that into consideration? Why don’t others see that what they say to someone could be the last strand before they kill themselves? No matter what we say, if someone says they hate you, it hurts. It feels like their goal in life is to make you as miserable as possible.
There is a boy on Twitter saying he’s going to do it. He has the pills. His name is Jacob.
The way I found out is through some stuck up idiots on Facebook saying Jacob is only doing it for attention, and he isn’t going to do it. But, how could they possibly know? Who are they to decide whether or not someone will or will not do it? Â Unless they are posing as Jacob, then there is no way for them to know. Â I’m going to tweet a link to this post to him because this is too much for 140 characters.
Jacob, I don’t know […]
Everything is easier if you just stop caring, right? It’s easier if you just are alone as often as possible, right?
Then why do I still care? Why do I still check on a daily basis, to make sure my friend didn’t just go. It’s been about 5 days since he last posted. Ususally I wouldn’t be this worried, but his friend just took her own life and I can’t text him to make sure.And  I don’t know why I am suddenly thinking of all of this now. I am a wreck.
I’ve been thinking about it lately. Too much. How easy it would be to […]
I think the worst thing ever is when people say other people commit or attempt suicide are selfish and cowards, and above all else, that they do it for attention.
Today, I checked my inbox on youtube seeing someone replied to my comment on How To Save A Life. This guy said , and I quote, “go fuck yourself in hell mother fucker. you talk to me about retards killing themselfs? only because they got bullied in school? or perhaps because their mother didn’t buy them an expensive gift? those shitheads deserve to die. and wtf?.. you say you lost people because of what? suicide? are […]
It sounds weird, but I’ve been in a way, staking your profile on here since you sent me your first post. That’s how much I care. Why? Because if you DO do it, I don’t want to learn from some depressing story on the news. Either way it wouldn’t be any fun… Maybe it’s because I don’t want another Aunt Cheri. Well, that’s actually one reason… Another reason? Because you are my closest friend. Even though I’ve only seen you in person twice, you are the only one that knows about 90% of my secrets. I just wish you would tell me when you want […]
I am, aren’t I? I am going mad.
How am I feeling?
Absolutely, positively, maddeningly sad.
I went to the gas station by my house instead of having dinner, and spent the whole time asking myself a never-ending string of what if’s? Â What if all of this is a waste? What if everything is irrational? What if? What if? What if?
When they say “It’s sink or swim”, What if you just get the fuck out of the water?
So in depression is it really sink or swim? Â You can drown in depression, or struggle to swim away… Unless you get the fuck out. Take a […]
The thing about my sister, is that she is mean. Not only that, but she doesn’t realize that when she tells people these mean, horrible things, that they are affected by it. That what she says to me, makes me feel worse about myself. How many times have I cut myself over things she said or did to me? Too many. How many pills did I try to overdose on, July 1 2010? Over 40. That same year, I overdosed again on August 23. The second Monday in school. That same year, months earlier, I tied together a bunch of knee high socks, and tried […]
Well I have been listening to a lot of George Watsky since I came back from VidCon… In case you don’t know, he is a youtube poet/rapper. If you have a problem with bad words, don’t watch the video I am putting here 🙂
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-cT8Qe7y3k&feature=BFa&list=UL_dpCTMLTO4c
Also:Â http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtQqK7BWq_c
Anywhozies, it inspired some of my newer, longer poetry… Sorry if you don’t think it flows… neither do I! We can be thought twins!
Anyways, it’s just something I wrote last night really late…
They say: Come on,
Cut the crap,
Be glad,
Be happy you’re alive!
That’s where I stop and think…
What if the very thing that depresses us the most,
“Step one you say we need to talk,
he walks, you say sit down it’s just a talk,
He smiles politely back at you,
You stare politely right on through”
If only they would listen…
If only I could go back in time, to that night. Cherry. She jumped off the roof of a hospital. She drank until she found courage to swallow those pills. Called the cops on herself. That is what amazes me the most. Why had she called the cops? Why? If she was just going to go and jump off that building? I just want to go back in time, know […]
My roomate the second time in the hospital. Her real name was Emma, but if she is reading this, i thought that would be a good way to get back in contact with her again. She was an alcoholic. I feel like I need to talk to her, I keep getting little reminders every time i see certain things. Â a post that said alcoholic. I need to talk to her. See a journal. The same one that she had in the hospital from when she was 13. We would read it every day, till they took it away… I saw the exact same one a […]
We broke up a a while ago. Why? He thinks it’s because I liked someone else. It’s not. But thats what my ex “best friend”, Sara, told him. fucking liar. He says she told him that she hates me. Oh well, she wasn’t a great friend anyways. But it hurts that he believes her. He was my best friend. He posted on here about this. But. the truth is, I broke up with him because I loved him, and I couldn’t deal with the distance, we were dating for months, yet saw each other TWICE. That and I was going to take him back until […]
I broke up with him almost two weeks ago. I decided I wasn’t ready for a relationship with someone who I didn’t know that well. I knew he used to try to kill himself and cut himself and try to run away. Thats why it hurt so bad to do this. But I couldn’t be with him, I wasn’t ready, and I explained this to him. I’ve had problems before, with suicide and mental hospitals, so I know what it’s like. And I didn’t want him to do this. I made him promise that he wouldn’t do any of that. He broke that promise within […]
I am a 14 year old girl. I have Bipolar, Depression, and Insomnia. I have wanted to die for years now. Welcome to my life.
The first time I can remember thinking about it was about third grade. I was 8. I wasn’t the popular kid, I wasn’t even close to that. IÂ probably had one or two friends. I am a Wiccan, and when I tell people, I instantly become a target for rude comments. People have told me I am a freak Satan worshiper for that, but thing is, I don’t believe in Satan.
A few years ago, my aunt killed herself. She tried to […]
ive written on here once you may rebember me from the post “if you care please read!!”
ive decided on something. ive read through comments and posts and decided on something, if i ended my life, i would end up hurting everyone who has ever cared. about a week ago i made a promise to my self that i wont end my life until i am sure, i will go on with the old plans of my life with a couple of new additions.
first i will find out if the person i love loves me back.
second i will start a few extra curiccular activities to help […]