lately seems like it:/ even feels like my BEST FRIEND doesnt care anymore..oh wel nothing left to do but off myself now-_-
some of you who read my posts may think this is about my bf? no were good now (5th time make up-_-) perhaps my sister? nah were getting along..sorta. if any would guess my dad? theyd be right.
dad:
WHY!
its like i have to get on my knees and beg for your approval of what i do…u trash talk my mom who is now becoming my best friend…u make me feel like worthless shit..u raise my sister above ur head like shes the princess. u bring up earlie i eat so much im ganna be the size of our 30ft tall 25ft wide house. the […]
so tired of looking at my inbox and feeling like an idiot…cuz its empty…anyone please email me…depressed and bored and trying to stay sidetracked so i dont do anything that will hurt others…
hannahschelling.15@gmail.com
with a some few day breaks thats how long my relationship lasted nowits over he crossed the line and so did i…am i depressed..yup. is he..no he found someone else…i have 400 new cuts now…thanks mikey-_- i still love you
is full of people. but many i met have all turned against me. there is something wrong with me…BUT IDK WHAT IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i always had these thoughts of how i know this is not me everything happens for a reason right? well my thought now is if i never moved from california to idaho i would be sweet and innocent but im not….im actually a ***** but people dont see that…especially people here on SP. for example someone was joking around with me in class yesterday and i didnt think of that til i came unglued that he talked to me…SEE WHAT I MEAN???????? […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyoXP3w7dp4
this song describes me too wellXD
if so e-mail me: hannahschelling.15@gmail.com no one will talk to me and im in a house full of people so im bored outa my mind..anyone thats bored? EMAIL MEEEEEEEE<3
i wish this was my last post and then im off to the unknown but look at my posts..im A FUCKING MAGNET..the world seems to want me here just to be tortured…so idk what im saying..ima try again but FOR ANYONE WHO CARES(which now doesnt seem like many) just wait cuz il still be here the world wont let me leave-_-
right now…a knife is sounds amazing think ima grab one and play with it…just need blood..or someone…or death. hmmm yeah:/
IM SERIOUS. this is NO LIE. every relationship ive ever been in, has been longdistanced and somene i met online. WHY? what the fuck is wrong with me in person???? i keep track in my mind at school whos single and who aint..well turns out in my grade? im like the only one who isnt walking beside their bf. this is so nerve wrecking like huh am i a loner? maybe. i just wish i knew why im so unappealing in person..im one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet (unless u piss me off and u will wish u never knew me) so ita […]
the day my mom finally decides enough is enough, and they are over forever. i now can finally be happy and no longer fear waking up in the morning..except nothing is finalized for a couple weeks..damn though my dad is trying to sell the house when he aint ganna be the one keepin it so i may or may not move i hope not hes the issue his ass can get out. im ganna enjoy this new adventure. however it will encounter shreaking from my sister…she does not like this idea..but its time for me to be happy and now thanks to my mom im […]
another fight with dad over the same fucking thing..appraently i need to starve to death.
sister beat me all night..so im really sore minus the pain from too many cuts, i have a HUGE headache..why suffer through this pain, plus an event yesterday that i dont feel like talkingbout..cuz its fucking stupid..and i blame me for letting it go so far. anyways why cant i just be taken away:/
somewhere far away, somewhere just so i dont have to see anyone again..where no one would think to find me
1) bf and i are back together..happy, yet really depressed that i took him back again-_-
2) i have been starving for 4 days I WANTED FOOD so i make a grilled cheese my dad catches me and says “what the fuck u think ur doing? ur ganna get so fat no guy will want u..u shouldve continued with fasting, it wouldve done good” and when i started crying “SHUT UP! ur being the biggest fucking baby! i didnt think id ever get a daughter this horrible” umm yeah:/ hes mean sometimes
3) i now have 100 new scars all over me
– this is […]
umm i think bf and i just broke up..we got in a huge fight over nothing..just me being stupid…now he doesnt wanna talk anymore soo yeah im done..least now i can cut til i blead to death-_-
1,2,3 8,9,10….why have 4,5,6 and 7? well idk lets see where this goes, 1: the beginning. 2: starting life 3: getting the concept see? simple shit right? well 4: understanding drama. 5: dealing with it. 6: starting to fall. 7: fell over. yeah um kinda hard huh? now 8: picking urself up. 9: finding U again. 10: live in peace. then die. DUH. sooo my point. idk…i come up with some weird stuff..all depends on my mood. anyways…idk but im sure we can agree we all want 1 and 10 and at least 1,2,3, 8,9,10 but really??? who wants to go through 4,5,6, […]
so now if i cut..my bf says he’ll hit me….WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! why does he acts like this…he used to help me stay on a positive path..now cuz of him…im crying now and i cry always…if i wasnt terrified of pissinghim off. id cut myself til i bleed to death…but my mind decides to live in emotional torture… i rather die.
no..i dont mean this in abad way and im not supporting depression as a positive thing..theres nothing good about it. BUT, look at us!? we HAVE and CONTINUE to go through so much! yet here we are…fighting through each day, some good days happen..keep the picture moving bad days come and we stop. so here we are day by day reliving the same torture repeatedly! why would we do that??? life sux right? BUT we were made to be strong. and no one is stronger then we are..we’ve had it all..and we continue to fight…keep moving everyone..life just may get better for us ALL:) look […]
i lived..not long..ive loved…always…but now…i MUST DIE. its probably just time to say good-bye-_- this has too much of a long repetitive story thus i just leave this as is. -_-
idk. so i can look at anyone oranything and instanttly feel peace around them..like they dont fear waking up in the moring terrified what will happen to them..i go shopping and when i see like bed covers i see them and say to myself “i can spend forever under those covers oh wait i cant-_- i face a demanding sister that never lets me sleep once shes awake or be in my room…i walk around and look in front of me but whats actually there isnt what i see. i see a vision of peace i can sit happily on the couch or walk around […]
omg..im sick of bipolar…really just take a trip to hell. my god ur annoying just as much as my sister:/
anyways…..XD ugh! im happy im perfect i have it all..jk i dont. yes i have my phone back…but guess who txts me? my bf…my mom..thats it-_-..and omg! i have my phone backXD buuuuuuuut is my relationship better…hahahah NOPE! he still threatens to leave me completely if i say one negative thing or talk botut self harm…..he also said (due to being in long distanced relationahip) when we meet he wont hug me, kiss me, any physical contact AT ALL if i say one negative thing…instantly […]