upset..but still loving him

When I was a cutter, there was this guy that I was close friends with. I’m sure you know the type; popular, bad boy image but still a pretty nice guy when it came down to it. I had the biggest crush on him. When he found out I was cutting, at first he told me how disappointed he was in me and how he couldn’t understand why I would do this to myself. Then he started asking to see my arms or legs every time he saw me. When he saw a fresh cut, he would slap my inner arms, right over the cuts, real hard and say “Is that what you need to feel better?!” Then one night, there was a particularly bad cut.. very close to my wrist. It scared him, and I could see it in his eyes. He pulled me away from the group, sat me down and we talked. I finally told him everything. The reasons behind it, why I did it, etc.

Somehow, between his slaps on my arms, his anger and disappointment then finally listening to me.. it helped me stop. It’s strange that way.

But! If your boyfriend is actually meaning he will hit you.. meaning, literally abusing you for something that is technically an addiction you are obviously having trouble controlling.. then you need to drop him. He’s toxic, and the things you are going through right now that drive you to cut do not need to be exacerbated by his abuse.

Drop him. Trust me, you may realize that without him the world looks a lot sunnier.