every time i try to leave….the world wont let me…it pulls me back here..so god damn fucking annoying…world? LET ME OUT. please!
idk. the guilt of leaving but the pain of living..idk what to do..stay or leave….
i almost fully had the will to continue on living..then i go to a friends house and her sister tells me she is tryin to split my bf and i by telling my parents im still secretly dating him. my parents find out; i wont have internet access at all! let alone my bf? i cant live without him, hes half the reason im still alive and if i lose internet access il lose the other half, i cant let that happen…but if she does tell she has no proof. haha jokes on her now but still freaking i just might lose everyone close to […]
lately i wanna die over everything. one little thing pisses me instantly i think I NEED THE GUN. so far most stupidest stuff besides abuse from my sister..god that pisses me off. but as lame as i have to all chores now cuz my sis got her way and now has to do nothing. if shes asked to do something i have to do it. she wont leave my room now its a mess that i have to clean.someone opens my bedroom door…I SCREAM! im losin my mind everything sets me off. i feel horrible, i didnt think i hurt my best friend that much […]
trying. honestly im more then bloody hell serious im going to off myself soon. i just wish i can leave without someone caring..my best friend makes it so hard….like guilting me into living…im not mad, just upset i hurt him that much when i wanna leave so badly. i need a fool proof way to die. idk when im going..i just know im serious..nobody can get me to stay..im here..but within the rest of the year im gone. im sorry, but i let go off my cliff im falling now…
not tonight. im going to plan this very well. so i wont fail, 13th time goin to be a charmXD i hope. i wanna try everyday..but i can defend myself with my sister…i can…if i dont want internet for 2 years…then yeah id stand up for myself but shes a black mailer…she will tell on me for sexting (more reasons but thats the main one) again. she is still abusive either way but having secrets makes her worse…she only knows cuz i was takin pics when she walked in on me. her abuse is killin me. i cant live anymore. she tells me all the […]
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! the little twisted physchotic *****. so today here is what ive been told in just the past hour from the *****.
“go to hell” “do my chores before i suffocate u” ( no joke she did it last night for 2min) “make my hair pretty” five minutes later…”GOD DAMN U FUCKING IDIOT GO TO HELL U CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT! i hate it u made my hair look ugly just like u” i was cleanin my room…”why r u cleaning ur room its not like it needs to be clean u wont have sex anytime soon with the way u […]
i wanna take them and stab them in me and just bleed out…i cant take this much more stress my family is so mean i wanna leave but hate saying “need to die NOW’ ..then never do i want out i wanna be free.. knives i love u..u wont leave me. u will be there for me when i know u r…i dont get this post just pissed
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oQGn_msZqI i love this song i relate to it in evey way
so the ***** is at a friends house..YIPPEE!(: had the night to myself. the first night in weeks i gotta walk around the house not worying what my sister would do to me. normaly, i leave a room and she screams. the other day she beat me with a hanger for stepping out of her room to change a song on utube im supposed to watch her clean her room not focus on music…anyways she comes home in a few hours…DAMN but a plus side: mom outa the house today (***** is nicer when its just dad home). i wish my morning can last forever […]
hold me? kiss me? love me! BUT U CANT. ur to far away. r relationship ALMOST ended today. :'( im so sorry. i didnt think u would it that way..just please stay. if i can just be next to..i can get our love back where it was…i know u love me but u knew im suicidal and said ud be there for me…i tell u i started cutting again…i do it again apparently we’re done. NO! please dont do that all ive done is hold back as much as i can from crying..just hoping u were here to hold me…even kiss me. let me know […]
KILL ME JUST KILL ME ANYONE JUST DO IT NOW! IM idk weak? TO DO IT ON MY OWN! HOWEVER U WANNA IDC AS LONG AS IM GONE IM HAPPY! IVE TRIED AND TRIED YET FUCK IM STILL HERE! ANY MOMENT NOW IM GANNA NEED TO LET GO AND FALL DOWN TO WHERE EVER GOD TAKES ME BUT DAMN HE BETTER NOT BRING ME BACK HERE. SAD, DEPRESSED, IN TEARS AND BLOOD. can life get this low?SOMEONE DAMN IT JUST KILL ME. DO IT FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!
ive realized everytime something is bout to make me wanna die, a couple days before i rearrange my room so 3 days ago i changed my room: my bed is up against my window, my dresser pushed against my closet my trash can in the middle of the room and nightstand nearly up against my door. kinda crazy but whatever. i thought i rearranged outa boredom now i noticed when i do so a couple days later something makes me very depressed. hmm could this just be a coincendence or maybe is this pattern tryin to tell me something.
i try to use it. i fail. i think negative..people get annoyed. thoughts seem pointless to me cuz i cant win either way. might as well not think anything. ahh see more negatives…fuck u positivity..ur too difficult.
everytime i think of him, i feel a rush go straight from my feet then its like it explodes in my chest, it feels so wonderful but hurts me i cant have him with me i cant have him all the time. it will never be the same. everytime just like now it makes me wanna cry, in the past id hold it in now its just all coming out.
need to die going to die (hopefully soon) also ganna fuck up my wrists with a knife later..damn ganna love death i know it will be better then this
i can hold it back for a week or two then like now it just all comes out. fuck life. -_- i wish i can just walk out of the earth, if it were only that easy, but everytime i try…obviously i fail :/
he is mine. he is my reason to live. he is my everything. he is the one. he is. yes. he is. i love him. some dont. fuck what they say. he has his way of loving me. and i can never get that from someone else. he is mine. i wont let him go. my love for him is here to stay. this may sound obsessive. so what? idc. he is mine, he loves me. im his baby.
i love you!
why am i on the earth still: my bf, my best friend, and all my SP friends i dont wanna leaveXD
do i wanna leave the earth: FUCK YEAH
but no way do i wana leave all yeah. so yeah thats why im still aliveXD
completely lonely but sitting right next to people…*sigh* life must get better at some point