ive realized everytime something is bout to make me wanna die, a couple days before i rearrange my room so 3 days ago i changed my room: my bed is up against my window, my dresser pushed against my closet my trash can in the middle of the room and nightstand nearly up against my door. kinda crazy but whatever. i thought i rearranged outa boredom now i noticed when i do so a couple days later something makes me very depressed. hmm could this just be a coincendence or maybe is this pattern tryin to tell me something.
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haha I would have to call that just coincidence. Your mind looking for patterns in random events. More likely you change your room around all the time. and bad things happen and you want to die a lot to. I suppose anything is possible and they could be connected, maybe some odd trick of brain chemistry. a kind of manic depressive thing? You get a manic phase where you get all energetic and want to rearrange your room since that is probably the only thing you have much freedom to change around. Then within a few days that good feeling fades away leaving you feeling depressed and even small things might want to make you want to die. That seems like a bit of a stretch but who knows. Looks like from your more recent post wanting someone to kill you, that your strange pattern was at least accurate in this instance.
that make sense. haha, i find it so strange though..but im guessing i do to have control over something. i honestly never rearange my room other then the times that something bad happens afterwards…super weird but i guess it could be a good thing i will know maybe something bad will happen…???
well I don’t believe people can know the future, Even so far as randomly knowing something bad is going to happen. Although if you could I guess it would be both good and bad. It would be kind of depressing to know something really bad was going to happen and you wouldnt be able to stop it. Although at least you would have a couple days to prepare for it so maybe by the time it did happen it wouldn’t hurt as bad as it would if there was no warning at all.
exactly then i thought of something else, i blocked every exit of my room (closet, door, window) i wonder if that means something…to feel trapped in my room.. idk im prob reading to much into this
well trapped is one way to look at it, but isn’t your room more of a haven then a trap? Maybe rather then trying to block all the exits to keep yourself in, you blocked all the entrances as a defense to keep the rest of the world out 🙂
yeah i think its to block people out my room is like tropical themed its a heaven and i dint want people fucking with it
lol yea people have a way of fucking everything up, but at least you seem to have gotten through your latest ordeal. So now hopefully things should be good for a while, at least until you get that next urge to redecorate
haha oh yes, definitely
so how frequently does this pattern repeat?
1 or 2 times a month
ouch a couple times a month that is a lot of up’s and down’s. Well I guess that probably keeps you busy though, not much time to be bored when you are always waiting on that next catastrophe. and I guess you will have another chance to put your pattern to the test with in the next few weeks lol
uh oh next few weeks: SCHOOL!
Haha is school that bad? You going to be rebuilding your room into a fortress 3 days before the first day of the new school year?
idk starting high school so its ganna be different
STARTING highschool? geez i thought you were older. hormones
haha yea I thought you were older to, but maybe a new school where not everyone knows you can give you a fresh start and things will be better.
@sophie: why u think i was older?
@whatamidoinghere: actually im going to a different highschool then others in the district.
i dont know. i just assumed
out of district well that could be even better even more of a fresh start. So did you decide you wanted a school further away to get away from the people you didn’t like?
yes, well i was hesitant it was my moms idea but i decided it would be good for me it will either make or break my depression
well hopefully it works out well for you. I wouldn’t want it to be a make or break type deal because then you are putting all that pressure on yourself. Even if the new school isn’t the solution you are hoping for there are still alternatives. Maybe if nothing else you could study outside of school and work towards getting a GED or something. Just try to get past that stage and hope that college or whatever you decide to pursue after High School is better for you.