Author

forlorn1

RIP

by forlorn1 8/13/2014

written by forlorn1

I always considered Robin Williams an “original” comedian. Simply meaning he was one of the comedians I saw mostly in the movies I watched growing up. (Jim Carrey, Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, etc.) I always admired these men and have actually hoped to meet them.

I remember being so depressed, and so lost in my life, mind, body, and soul. I had been thinking of death.. actually HOPING for death. I would imagine things and imagine the peace I would probably feel. Around this time I watched What Dreams May Come, and it gave me a better understanding of suicide (even if it is a fictional story) and surprisingly […]

8/13/2014 2 comments

Please ..

by forlorn1 11/26/2012

written by forlorn1

God show me the way because the Devil isÂ trying toÂ break me down.

11/26/2012 2 comments

Maroon 5

by forlorn1 10/20/2012

written by forlorn1

” Every night,Â you cry yourself to sleep,

Thinkin’ why does this happen to me?

Why does every moment have to be so hard? ”

Yes, this is true.

10/20/2012 2 comments

Healing

by forlorn1 10/19/2012

written by forlorn1

I find my self made cuts/scrapes on my arm to be beautiful. I like looking at them.

I actually feel really proud of myself for making them. (even though I’m proud of them I still try to hide them from myÂ family)

Is that weird? ..

Sigh, although I Â like them, I still feel like I’m crazy because I did that to myself.Â I feel like I am not okay in the head now because I was willing to do this … I don’t know, I’m thinking that was my first and last time though. Overall, I love these healing cuts. Love them

10/19/2012 0 comment

Self Harming

by forlorn1 10/17/2012

written by forlorn1

I never understood how people felt better after self harming themselves. I didn’t understand how painÂ could make one feel better. Even though I’ve been so depressed I always told myself I would never hurt myself.

Lately I’ve felt on edge, and just an hour ago I couldn’t take it. Whenever I feel like I can’t take anymore, I imagine myself running away or scratching/ripping my face off. I will usually end up scratching my face a bit but today I felt like I was going absolutley crazy just keeping all this in and none of it getting better. I started pulling my hair and violently scratching […]

10/17/2012 7 comments

Coming back

by forlorn1 10/16/2012

written by forlorn1

I’m going crazy again.

The thoughts are coming back .. I feel like I’mÂ so close to the edge right now, andÂ the littlestÂ thingÂ is getting ready to appear andÂ push me over.

I’m tired of going through this same process over and over, everyday. I’m tired of crying and asking why all of this is happening. Why, especially when I was starting to feel better, why did things just have to spiral back down again. I’m seriously about toÂ blow up. I’m tired…

10/16/2012 0 comment

No cell phone

by forlorn1 10/12/2012

written by forlorn1

The ONLY person who actually made me forget about eveerything that made depressed. The only person who could actually make me feel good. The only person who I enjoyed talking to. The only person who I looked forward to talking to, is now “taken away from me”. Our only way of communication was through texting. My mother, who I now despise deeply, decided to take my phone. I feel like I am at my breaking point. I feel like I won’t know how to deal with this on my own. Yes, it’s sad I relied on this person for my happiness, but that’s just how […]

10/12/2012 3 comments

The Worst

by forlorn1 10/3/2012

written by forlorn1

I think I have the worst nostalgia in the world. Almost anything can remind me of some moment in the past, and it’s aÂ constant everyday thing that happens to me. I’m not sure if this happens to everyone but regardless of what the memory was, I get extremley sad. I could’ve been happy in the memory, or sad, or mad, or curious, it doesn’t matter. I always get sad from ANY memory. This honestly sucks, especially since I’m trying to keep away from getting depressed again.

Recently, I’ve been doing so well at being okay. These past few days though, have been difficult. I’m just so […]

10/3/2012 5 comments

Why?

by forlorn1 9/15/2012

written by forlorn1

Has anyone else wondered this. Why? Why is this happeneing to me? What did I do to deserve this?

I’ll tell you now, I may not have been a straight A student but I am a very good person. I don’t go out and party, I don’t get drunk, I don’t smoke, I am so respectful to everyone, I’m very nice to everyone, IÂ really have no type of social life,Â I always try to be the peace-maker, I amÂ honestly just a good kid.

So, every day I wonder. What the heck did I do to deserve this!! I don’t ever try to hurt people, so what exactly did […]

9/15/2012 22 comments

I’m Just

by forlorn1 9/15/2012

written by forlorn1

so sad .. especially after what just happened.

I won’t lie though, after finding this site I feel so much less alone. I feel content here. Finally, something that makes me feel somewhat okay. I wasÂ going to make this post about how hurt I’m feeling and just how I hate this depression and how I’m just so sick of everything, but like I said, when I get on this site I feel safe.Â Â I don’t need anyone to respond, but I just had to say this.Â All the people hereÂ and I may not have ever spoken onÂ here, but I’d like to say Thank You. To everyone.

9/15/2012 4 comments

Is it just me?

by forlorn1 9/13/2012

written by forlorn1

Or am I the only one who hates when someone says ” it’s all up to you whether you want to get better or not” or something along those lines. I understand what they mean, saying it’s up toÂ us to get over what’s upsettingÂ us, if we want to get better. That no one can help fix us but ourselves. While that may be true,Â whenÂ I’mÂ in such a depressed stateÂ and someone tells me this I can’t help but feel a little angry. Of course, if I could put everything aside and be happy and okay, I would. BUT the way I’m feeling is too intense. I’m sorry […]

9/13/2012 7 comments

The First Time

by forlorn1 9/13/2012

written by forlorn1

I rememeber growing up, I knew (or thought I did) that I would never attempt to kill myself or even think about the thought of doing that. It’s crazy how that all changed.

I had been depressed for about two months when I watched Lana Del Rey’s “Summertime Sadness” video. It spoke to me so much, and made me realize how broken I was.Â I rememeber watchingÂ both her and the other girl jump off fromÂ a cliff and building, andÂ that was the first time I thought about suicide …

IÂ thought, how wonderful it would feel to be falling and feeling so free in those few moments. Free from all […]

9/13/2012 1 comment