I haven’t been here in a while, but that doesn’t mean anything.
I don’t know what’s wrong now.
I feel…
anxious (for no good reason)
afraid (but not sure of what)
alone (but I have the same number of people to talk to as before)
I keep trying to…
not give up
curl up and disappear (physically)
not self-harm
self-harm as much as I can
understand myself
give up
tell off the offensive
submit to avoid attack
live
die
I don’t know what is going on. Help… Anyone?
It seems like everyone who didn’t previously hate me now is mad at me. I’m standing on a building a fly could topple and here comes an eagle. Tomorrow everything will get worse, plus there will be the addition of having no opportunity to fix it because of my, now expected to be stressful, vacation.
1. Why can’t anyone accept ME?!
I REALLY tried to PLEASE all of you!
2. Why won’t they BELIEVE me?!
I didn’t do the stuff they say I DID!
3. Why does everyone leave me?!
Everyone is gone, A PART OF my inspiration was recently hit by a police car on THE interstate […]
Today was shitty…
The few friends I have are mad at me and won’t talk to me.
My parents are fucking assholes.
I’m sick of people at school.
I want to die. It’s that simple, every little thing that possibly has been able to has sucked lately.
Or maybe it’s just me…
unacceptable…
unappreciated…
unaccepted…
unheard…
unnoticed…
HATED!
It probably was a good day for anyone normal. I guess it is just me.
We started reading Romeo and Juliet in English. (I hate English class.) Luckily it was out of a textbook with definitions of the words that I would have been otherwise cluless to the meaning of. I believe star-cross’d is in line 6 of the prologue (that’s just a guess, I wasn’t paying much attention). So here it is…
star-cross’d- doomed by the position of the planets at the time of birth (first use 1595, so this would be included in the list of words Shakespeare made up).
I’d say I like this word. I’ll add it to my list (my favorite being pyrrhic). It seems to describe […]
My dad told me in the car the other day that I was going to hell.
I ate at a Chinese buffet and got a fortune cookie that said, “accept yourself.” I thought if I have already, then I’m a worthless piece of shit that no one wants. I’m invisible to most, but those who see me are disgusted and try to get rid of me, one permanently. They really shouldn’t waste their time, I’ll do it myself eventually. So, they just leave. If I haven’t accepted myself, I’m sure when I do I’ll kill myself realizing I’m worse than I think.
I can’t do this for […]
I was in a large city on a sunny day. It was warm, but there was a cool breeze. I was walking through the park with someone I loved and saw a flower. It was beautiful and I said, “Wait here.” I went to pick it for her and as I pulled up the flower the ground beneath me shattered like glass. I fell into a pit. The pit was obsidian lined with black diamond. It was round and polished so that I could see the surface in the reflections on the walls. I saw the people I cared about shake their heads and walk […]
Today I woke up and forced myself to be in a good mood. I was going to have a good day because I was actually going to talk to people. I would take advantage of their sympathy for my messed up life (or at least a part I was for once able to talk about) and how I needed crutches for the week because I screwed up my ankle and then got really sick. So here’s how the day went…
1st Class
No sympathy from these assholes.
Them- “Was this bad luck or did you do something stupid?”
Me- Well, sort of both.
Them- “So you did […]
Mentally…
I’ve never been worse.
I want to die so bad.
I can barely think.
I don’t think I have any connections left.
I don’t feel like typing anymore.
No one cares anyways.
Physically…
I’m exhausted.
I left bed twice today.
I collapsed on the bathroom floor and fell asleep (20ft/6m from my room at most) because I didn’t have enough energy to get back to bed.
I can’t support weight with my left foot, so I’m using crutches.
I haven’t eaten all day. My stomach feels like shit.
My temperature was 102F/38.9C.
My head hurts so bad.
I’m dehydrated.
So… Why not?
I’ll microwave some chlorhexidine gluconate and then dissolve about 30 tablets of efferdent into it and drink.
Today…
My dad complained about someone at his office saying they always wanted to do something because he didn’t want to hear it and wishes they just did. I guess that means if he even payed attention enough to know how much I wanted to kill myself, he would want me to die. Nice to know.
I cut myself for the first time in a while (before the party). I really thought I had quit, but now I give up. I’ll just cut to deal with my shame from cutting.
I’m pissed at everyone (outside of people I’ve talked to or met on here) except for one friend.
I […]
I was thinking today. That was a mistake.
If I killed myself…
would you (my family and friend <– singular) care?
Nah, you hate me and ignore me anyways.
would anyone care?
No. People just naturally hate me.
Would anyone mind?
Maybe the city sanitation guys. I assume my body would just be thrown away.
Why am I still alive?
nothing good ever happens to me. everyone i know hates me. my friendships dont last. people quit (if they ever do start) understanding. i can't trust anymore.
im a purposeless mistake that no one wants.
How…
did i survive? i shouldnt have
could i be so cold while my body was on fire?
come i hear […]
I’m a 14 year old guy.
These are some of the reasons I think I should commit suicide.
I was at a good friend’s house. He walked down the hall. I thought to use the restroom. He came back with a shotgun. He told me what a worthless son of a ***** I was and that he was going to kill me. He pressed the gun against the side of my head. Then pulled it back and looking frustrated with himself for not following through, punched me. I layed there while he yelled at me and told me why he hated me until my parents got there […]
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