In my family I’m the oldest of my two sisters (we are going to call them:) C and A. C being the first at 17 and A being the second youngest at 15. Me being of the age of 18 you’d think I wouldn’t be compared to my little sister (in this case my sister C)… But I am… A lot! I’m never just “Amanda” I’m just “C’s sister”.
“Oh! You are very shy compared to C.” “Your nothing like C is!” “You don’t look like C or A at all!” “You and C have nothing in comman.” These are just the few I can think […]
So today me and my friend were supposed to hang out.. But we didn’t because the time, the place everything was messed up. I got very upset because it seemed like he didn’t care at all.. And I was really hoping to since home sucks (it also seemed like he didn’t want to hang out because we weren’t going to hang out at my house) and I lost a good friend (my Therpaist whom didn’t die! She just moved buildings and I wasn’t able to go with her to continue seeing her)..So I just ignored my friends snaps. It helped to calm me down somewhat. […]
( Inspired by the beautiful animated films by Miyazaki. I present a drawing of Totoro and Catbus! Enjoy<3)
I’ve been happy or.. At least carefree for a while even though I barely had any communication with anyone for the past months.. I started to feel strong, like I could do anything and honestly not give a sh*t about what people think.. But all of a sudden i feel my depression creeping back up on me. I’m scared. I don’t want to feel depressed anymore. I WANT […]
(A mini drawing I drew to help calm my nasty thoughts :/ )
All my friends and family are unsupportive and them not being here for me is causing me to suffer. Day after day after day all I think about is suicide but.. I’m to much of a chicken to fucking do it. I want to live but then again I want to die.. In the least painful way.. I’ve been waiting for so long to find those friends who finally care.. The […]
People throughout my life have been making me feel sorry for them when I decided to put my foot down. Like with my friend who I got into a heated fight with. He always tells me about how upset he felt in the fight but never cared about how I felt about it. Hurt, depressed, betrayed, cheated on, thrown away, used, the list goes on and on.. It always seems like he’s trying to make me feel sorry for him even though he was the main cause of it. Same said with my dad. I remember this one time I didn’t want to go on […]
After a bit of an episode this morning I feel better after I cried a bit. Sure I’m a baby but whatever helps me get through it. I feel relaxed but tiered. I should get to bed soon so I can prepare myself for Monday..
Title says all. I’m becoming an idiot… My minds always in a blur to the point of forgetting. I’ve forgotten words, memories and plenty of other things like how to communicate with others. When I try to act smart I always turn out dumb, my friends make sure of it. They make me feel as though I’m an embarrassment. A shame. Not to long ago I had a hard time understanding the tv show I was watching. It took me a whole 10 seconds to process what they had said as well as what was going on. I don’t know what’s going on with me. […]
What do you all consider a bad friend to be like? I’d like to know your view on it because I feel my friends are treating me poorly..
Senior Projects are ruining me. I could be outside but no I’m stuck inside finishing it because I lost my schedule and forgot the day I was supposed to go. I really hope my teacher gives me more time to do it because the deadline is to close and I’m so far from finishing.
But aside from my rambling I managed to finish the pin I made for U.S History. Inked, colored, ready to go. Sorry if I irritate you with uploading this […]
I literally did nothing over this weekend, no one contacted me asking how I was or nothin.. I hang out with the same person all the time and in all honesty I get sick of it. All we do is nothing when we hang out.. I need to find a new crowd to be in..
Even though I didn’t do anything here is a birb (hawk) I drew for my U.S History class. Enjoy.
Words cannot describe how much appreciation I feel for the feedback on my last post. It almost left me in a pool of tears. A very big thank you to those who left those comments! I really doubted myself a lot with my artistic skills almost to the point were I stopped. Drawing is all the talent I have left and I almost lost it because I mope around wondering if I’ll get anywhere in my life. Seeing your comments inspired me to peruse my talent, to get me up off my lazy a**. You have my thanks and gratitude. I wish I could have […]
A vent drawing inspired by the man that hurt me! Thank you for doing that to me boy! :/
Not finished with it yet, still working out details. Might post the finished product later.
(It’s a tiger and a red panda if it’s to hard to tell, tiger obviously represents the one I once loved and the red panda at the bottom represents me.)
(If you want to get an idea of what’s been going on, look at my previous post.)
I unexpectedly ran into him today while working on a project at the computer lab. The first thing that came to mind as I walked in and saw him was “leave” but honestly, I couldn’t. I had to get this project done or else my future would be at the mercy of my schools hands. It’s not like my school takes kindly to failures, but, anywho.. I walked in and sat down at the desk the teacher directed me to. It was right next to the printer. I knew […]
No, before you jump to conclusions I’m not harming myself in any way. This is about someone who I loved but unexpectedly found out he had cheated on me. Though we never made us dating official we where intamit (kissing, cuddling, making out, I would never go as far as that). He was my best friend, my lover and someone who made me in all honesty happy, something most people can’t do. He was kind in helping me.. But in the end I was wrong about him. He has fallen in love with another girl and still had feeling for my sister, lied and told […]
As far as I know I have nothing left. My friends, my family don’t even care for me. Day after day, night after night I just lay in suffer age while my friends beat me down further. The friends whom I’ve considered family have used me until they come across someone to replace me. The ones I trusted now ignoring my cries. I have nothing to live for… I have no one to live for. I can’t feel any emotional love anymore..
I’m on the verge of crying. I feel depressed, I feel lonely and I feel heartbroken. When I really need them they aren’t here for me. The one who’s even been helping me isn’t even messaging me.. It makes me angry, It makes me frustrated to see he has time to communicate with my sisters but not with me. It makes me feel like I’m a total loser. It makes me feel regret for even liking him. He seems more interested in my sisters than he does of me. Seems he’s just keeping me company out of pity. It’s making me feel like killing myself. […]
My birthday is coming up, and it’s coming up fast. I’m so scared for it to become another sufferable day for me. Im doing my senior project on that day and let me tell you… It’s hellish days full of utter loneliness. I’m not even exaggerating it. Nobody talks to me, my old friends mooch all over my sister and never intend on talking to me. They will look at me and not even acknowledge my very existence. It rips my heart in two.. I would not go to it.. If my parents weren’t so strict about it.. I got all my hours everything done! […]
I don’t want to seem like that person who wants to seak attention when I rant or cry out for help on here. I always feel like that’s the case.. But can someone please try and convince me not to do something stupid.. At least by tomorrow..before I go to work…
Everytime my friends call or try and talk to me I feel like I’m being awkward. I feel like that triggers my friends to jump on the friendship train with my sister more than me. That’s why they seem bored around me. How can I get rid of this awkwardness and freely talk and be funny without being offensive or mean..? I’m so troubled with this, I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m the only one who does this, to new friends or the same friends I have. I feel like there is something wrong with me..
It’s my senior year and I’m afraid of losing touch with my friends… That’s all I can think about and it scares me. I don’t want to let them go like some of my old friends. Please, how do I keep updated and in touch with them when I’m done with high school?
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