Everyday is the same never f*cking ending routine. I get up, eat, go to work, come home and lay around until my body succumbs to drowsiness. I do nothing in my free time anymore. My passion for art is completely dead and my friends never invite me to do anything. They don’t text me or even come close to asking if they want to hang out with a loser like me. I feel alone. I feel uncared for. I feel unappreciated. I’m rotting from the inside out. Why the hell was i born if I was meant to suffer? If I was meant to hate […]
Once again a friend ditched me for my sister, once again I feel left out. I don’t want to be alone on New Years.. It’s happened two years in a row. I want to be with those who love me. I thought I was going to change and be more outgoing this year but I guess that hasn’t worked out well for me.. I thought I had that courage. I haven’t changed at all. When will it end?
I hope everyone else is having a good New Years. You guys diserve it.
Happy New Year!
I had a very stressed week this week. With everything going on its made me feel more depressed than ever. I was hoping today would be different. My friend and I kind of planned on meeting up after work a few hours ago, but after I got a message saying he couldn’t stay. He had left for his other friends. My heart literally shattered when I read the message (and what made it worse is my feelings I have for him..). I could not believe it. I thought hanging out with him would raise my spirits, make me feel so much better. But no. He […]
Halloween sucked. Considering none of my friends wanted to hang out with me and I was left at home with no one to talk to. Now this Christmas I will be suffering under the same situation but with more sleepless nights and unforgiving depression than ever before. My family is going to Disney, the most happiest place on earth or so when it’s with those you love and care about you (my definition of it). Another vacation ruined by our “family friends” and my family’s lack of consideration for how I feel. Another anxiety driven plane ride after the other. “You’ll understand it when we […]
I hate it. I hate it so much. Being with my friends (when I’m treated fairly) helps me so much. I just want to be with them all forever. It’s comforting and it distracts me. When I’m at home I’m alone, they don’t text me and I look at my phone and beg for them to. The only time my friends really reply is when I’m with them and my depression keeps me from most of that happiness..
I miss all of the old friends I have lost. They left me and I left them. I miss all the good memories I had with each of them. Now I’m stuck at home alone on Halloween with no energy and no friends who want to invite me to hang out with them, I have a feeling this years holidays are going to suck.
Stress has been making me feel ill lately. My chest feels tight, I’m more tiered than usual, my eating habits have declined, I’m more confined in my room, and my temper had been flaring on and off. The only things I can think about to get away from this is running away, or just ending it. But those are things I don’t want to do. But this “family vacation” we are taking in December is making me stressed to the point of feeling sick. Why you ask? Here is why-
One: The Plane Ride
Two: The Other Family
The other family is an ‘old family friend’ of ours. […]
Lately things haven’t been looking up to me. It’s been brining me down to my lowest point, to the point were I don’t feel like my family or friends care about me anymore and I want to die. Everyone always compares me to someone I’m not and that makes me wish I was someone else. I wrote my suicide note out to my closest friends incase I make the drastic decision. I know who to send the message to and hopefully they will allow me to go in peace. I’m not taking my life anytime soon (I don’t think) but if things don’t look up […]
I remember my recent birthday, it was horrible. My mom, and my dad kicked me to the dirt and left me to cry my eyes out in my bathroom because I went to a friends house that day (yes I did tell them). My dad smiled to me and said “happy fucking birthday”. How those words hurt me so much. And to this day I still don’t know what I did wrong. So much yelling and arguing, but for what? I don’t even know..
I also remember when I was supposed to go to a amusement park with some of my friends, but I got stressed […]
Yesterday wasn’t the best day, and neither was today. I might have lost 3 friends over my mistake that I made.
I was supposed to go to an amusement park with my friend today but I refused to go out of fear. I feared being left out again. She ignored me at dinner last night to talk to my sisters (or at least it felt that way). I just boiled over and got angry, ran upstairs and cried. I didn’t say anything to her when she came up to get me. Just put a smile on my face and continued on.
When today came around I told […]
Ever since I was little I’ve always wanted to be an artist. An artist who could draw anything or anyone if I set my mind to it. I would always fantasize what It’d be like to be one of those ‘famous artists’ who people look up to (no one has ever looked up to me for anything and when people have ill tell you it’s a real honor). But it’s been years now and my art skills are starting to lack more than it ever has before.
Every time I come across an amazing drawing I start to feel angry and sad.. wondering why my art […]
From how my friends and family treat my sisters is a lot different from how I’m treated. I alway tell my parents I see how excited and more outgoing my friends are around them, and when they approach me they seem bored and more reluctant to talk to someone else.
My parents seem to think I’m just imagining things. They tell me I’m just taking their actions differently, and that they still love me. But I can’t see it. Every time I invite a friend over they smile and greet me, and before long they ditch me for them.
I’m not angry, nor do I blame my […]
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