I have fully recovered from my recent attempt, physically speaking. I had an epiphany during this experience, that my life does matter, that I matter; but that feeling of inner strength blew out so quickly and too easily. I’m left here feeling hopeless and empty again, and that’s why I’m frustrated. I’m either feeling numb, sad, mildly euphoric, or feeling too energetic and irritable (mixed episode). Currently, I’m not suicidal, but I do feel self-destructive at least once a day, if not more often, and when those feelings and emotions become irritating or overwhelming, I turn to alcohol, again. All though, I’m feeling slightly proud […]
I’ve come so far, and have tried too hard to just give up now… But I’m angry, and I’m hurting deep inside too badly… I’m angry because everyone has tried so hard to help me, my therapist, psychiatrist, friends amd family… But no one can seem to rid me of this nightmare… I have tried so many medications just to be let down in the end… I’m angry because the last thing I want to do is give in now… I HATE the fact that I’m even considering suicide; but there is nothing left for me anymore…
I’ve tried to […]
It’s strange, how one can be in so much pain, that they “numb” out, yet the pain seems to only grow stronger. You smile, give a laugh, when all you really want to do is break down: scream, shout, burst into ragefull tears. All you really want is to let someone know just how much you hurt, just how much you wish you could swallow a little more pain in order to self-implode and just fade away. But pride is a shameful thing, due to it, you would rather suffer and die in silence than tell a single soul that the darkness is […]