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Hampshire_Girl

Guess I was just passing through….

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

Thanks for having me here chaps. Thanks you for commenting on my posts and apologies (to the non-cat people) for the fact that most of them included my cats!

In the UK, 2am this morning marked the start of British Summer Time. Naturally, it’s pissing down with rain, but at least the increased hours of daylight means I’ll be able to see it for longer!

Here’s my final set of lyrics to share with you. Frank Turner’s song ‘The Next Storm (it’s not all them, just the ones resonating with me at the current time) –

I don’t want spend the whole of my life […]

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Could someone get me a coffee?

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

Hello fellow SPers. I hope things are going ok for you all?

I’m sooo tired at the moment. Combination of feeling pants on the health-front and screwing around with my body clock – chatting to someone from SP who lives in the US. There’s only a four hour time difference, but in the early hours of the morning in the UK, boy, it’s a killer!

I’ve had to take time off sick for the first time in nearly three years because of a chest infection resulting from a cold caught off one of my very generous work colleagues! The office I work in has way too many […]

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Why am I never enough?

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

I’m not going to mention the username of the person this message is for, but they will know it’s for them and that’s what matters.

My dear friend

I scan the entries on SP expecting to see a final post from you or from someone posting that you’re gone. I no longer visit SP as often as I did because I’m scared of what I’ll see. I look to see what you’re saying in your responses to others to see how you are.

When you emailed to say you might be leaving soon, I responded that it was best I said nothing. If I say “ok, […]

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English roses for you!

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

sportsnut

As a Brit living abroad, here’s a couple of pictures to help you remember the what it’s like back in the old country. The first one was taken in Hampshire (where else!) at a place called Old Winchester Hill. It’s my favourite spot in the world and where I want my ashes scattered when the time comes. You wouldn’t think there could be so many shades of green. It’s a green and pleasant land indeed – well at least in this one small corner of it!

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I can never win

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

I never stood a chance. I think of his depression as ‘the other woman’. She had the prior claim and has the stronger hold over him. She makes him ignore me and treat me like shit. I no longer know how to reach him. He said he loved me once, now I’m lucky if he can even bear to look at me. I am rejected and broken. It’s been this way for nearly two years. I thought I was winning, I thought he was mine.

He’s not mine, he never was. She got there first and will never go away. I hate her. But I’ll […]

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Hello Monday morning….

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

Well, it’s now Monday morning in the UK. Alarm is set to go off at 5am, and here I am typing this just after midnight. I’ll leave you with a couple of tunes which just about fit my mood at the moment…..

http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/B001N8AFE4_disc_1_31_-_Worse_Things_Happen_At_Sea_Truck_Sessio.mp3
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/B001IQURW6_disc_1_08_-_Ghosts.mp3

Let’s see if I manage to get some sleep. Nighty night to everyone in SP land.

K

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Making a deal with the devil?

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

Here’s me with my parents a few months after I was born. Dad was 24, Mum 22. They died 18 months apart (2002/2003) both were only 61 years old. They always said “when we retire we’ll…….”

I sometimes think that if there was such a thing as the devil and I would make a deal with him/her. I would have them back and allow them to have the retirement they deserved. I don’t value my soul that highly anyway, so no loss to me.

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Pale Shelter

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

How can I be sure?
When your intrusion is my illusion
How can I be sure?
When all the time you changed my mind
I asked for more an more
How can I be sure?

How can I be sure?
For all you say you keep me waiting
How can I be sure?
When all you do is see me through
I asked for more and more
How can I be sure?

I’ve been here before
There is no why, no need to try
I thought you had it all
I’m calling you….calling you
I ask for more and more
How can I be sure?

You don’t give […]

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An intelligent song about suicide

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/B00ZBBHI1M_disc_1_12_-_Song_For_Josh.mp3

My favourite musician is a chap called Frank Turner. He wrote this – ‘A Song for Josh’ – after finding out that a good friend of his had committed suicide. Josh was a member of the security team at a venue in New York which Frank has played numerous times. It’s all the more poignant because this live recording was made at the same venue on the anniversary of his death and adds an additional layer of emotion which you’ll hear in his voice as he sings.

It’s not anti-suicide rant or anything like that, but more of an ‘I wish he’d just talked to […]

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Apologies for the long post!

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

I’ve just read iamtheblues’ post about coping with the loss of a dearly loved pet terrier. In one one the responses to another SP’ers comment, the oft used expression “Time heals all wounds” was mentioned.

You’re quite correct, iamtheblues, in saying that this awful platitude is a load of bull’s poo. It’s used when people don’t know what else to say when faced with a bereaved person. Some people should just stay silent!

What I’ve experienced myself (so I’m in no way implying this applies to everyone) is that time eventually makes the sense of loss less all-consuming and raw. Every now and then though something brings […]

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This sure as hell ain’t my life…

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/B00MMT57GO_disc_1_06_-_This_Sure_as_Hell_Aint_My_Life_feat__Frank_Turner-1.mp3

This is the first time I’ve included a link to some music, so I’m hoping I’ve done it the correct way so you can play it ok at your end.

It’s by a Canadian singer/songwriter called Billie the Kid. The title of my post is the title of her song.

K

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Doctor’s appointment this afternoon

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

So…in a couple of hours I’m going to be seeing my GP for the first time in a verrrry long time. I’m on medication for high blood pressure because I’m overweight. Problem is I’m a lot heavier than the last time I saw him, so my BP is probably through the roof. He’ll be wanting to know why that is. How can I explain to him why I stuff myself with food when I still trying to figure it out myself! The real problem is that hubby insists on sitting in on these 10 minute slots with the doctor. Maybe I should […]

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Another day….

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

I’ve lost my positivity
I’m positively lost
I thought the path was obvious; it’s not
Resign myself to failed potential
The wind exits the sail
Don’t you know you took apart my soul?
Don’t you know you put me on my knees and cut my throat?
Don’t tell me that the pain will fade tomorrow
The last thing that I feel will be today

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Music keeps me sane!

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

These are the lyrics from a song by Lostprophets called “Dirty Little Heart”. Lostprophets were one of the biggest bands in the UK until their lead singer did some horrible things and was sent to prison for 30 years. Shame that, because they were truly awesome.

If I was clever enough to write poetry about my relationship with The One, I couldn’t have done any better. Things are pretty hopeless where we’re concerned, but I will continue to hope until my last breath.

Another night, another year that’s gone
Raise your glass, I’m not home tonight
Nothing’s changed, but everything is different
Getting cold […]

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Sometimes a happy childhood can do more harm than good

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

Reading people’s reasons for being on SP, I feel in comparison, that I have very little to complain about. My childhood was mostly a very happy and stable time in my life.

I realise now though that the insular life we led was because Mum and Dad were so in love, that they only needed each other and that was enough for them. This doesn’t mean I didn’t feel they loved me, I always knew that. It’s just I grew up with a sense of exclusion, of being judged and constantly found wanting and just not being good enough. After going through counselling, I […]

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Do you believe in fate or is it all just coincidence?

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

So, in a previous post (“My secret love”), I told you about a chap I’ve met online. Perhaps I’m being a bit too weird when I say I think we were put in each other’s path for a reason?

Maybe he needed to meet someone older who had more life experience and therefore more patience, understanding and compassion. Maybe I needed to meet someone younger to prove that I was still ‘fanciable’ and wasn’t dead below the waist (if you get my meaning!)

I don’t know, it’s just odd. He was on this particular website already at the time I joined. He contacted me because he […]

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A poem

by Hampshire_Girl
written by Hampshire_Girl

This is attributed to Elizabeth I –

I grieve and dare not show my discontent;
I love, but am forced to hate;
I do, yet dare not say I ever meant;
I seem stark mute, yet inwardly do prate.
I am and not, I freeze yet am burned;
Since from myself my other self I turned.

My care is like my shadow in the sun;
Follows me flying, flees when I pursue it;
Stands and lies by me, does what I have done.
His too familiar care does make me rue it.
No means to rid him from my breast,
Till by the end of things […]

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