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Suicide & Heaven?

by Help89
written by Help89

My friends often try to tell me not to kill myself because I won’t go to heaven. I ask them where is the proof? They either say “you shall not murder” or they say you can’t repent after you kill yourself. I say there are tons of people who die with sins, known and unknown, that they did not get to repent for when they died (ie drunk driving crashes, being murdered, dying in sleep, etc), so do they automatically go to hell too? No answer. There are several people who committed suicide in the Bible.

Saul’s Armbearer (1 Samuel 31:5)
Ahithophel (2 Samuel 17:23)
Zimri (1 Kings 16:18)
Judas (Matthew 27;3-5)
Samson (indirectly committed suicide)

The Bible did not say that any of these people went to hell. The Bible does not directly answer this question….if the Bible said suicide would still mean going to heaven, this world would have been depleted of humans a long time ago.

From what I have read and understand, Murder and suicide are not unpardonable sins. The only unforgivable sins are rejecting Christ(Mark 16:16) and blaspheming the Holy Spirit.

However, God’s grace does not automatically mean we are free to sin as much and as wildly as we want. People always tell me that God wants more for me and my life and not to give up.

John 8:44 says that Satan is a “murderer” and the “father of lies.” The feelings of despair that lead to suicide are caused by some of his lies.

So what’s the true answer on suicide and heaven? Does anyone know? How do I stay strong in an environment of hate and despair? How can I keep “faith” when the people around me who I love tell me they hate me and they don’t care if I live or die?

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General

Update: Fade to Black

by Help89
written by Help89

I just can’t deal anymore. Everyone says to “hold on” and “be strong”. But they do not walk in my shoes. They do not feel the pain I feel. They were not physically and emotionally abused in their childhood. They didn’t see their boyfriend of 6 years find a new girlfriend and the two of them crack jokes about me on Facebook, saying that I am lunch meat while the new girlfriend is steak….yet the ex-boyfriend calls and tells me the same week he not over me and wants to be friends and I am a great person. How can I be a great person if you and your girlfriend refer to me as lunch meat and refer to her as steak? Why do you even need to discuss me with her? Why do you have to hurt me in this way and many other ways?? Why can’t I escape the pain of losing you? Why do I still want to be with you and love you after you played me and disrespected me like that? Why am I so stupid? Why can’t I just die? Nobody cares anyway. They say they do because it’s politically correct. But they don’t really care. I should just fade to black. No more pain, grief, worry or tears. Just silence. Peace. Still. Calm.

Update: I went to his mom’s house (where he lives) last night to try to talk, be civil, be mature and to try to get closure. As soon as he saw me, he immediately grew into a fit of rage. He put his hands on me. He picked me up and pushed me and attempted to throw me down a flight of stairs. He yelled and said he hated me, never wanted to see me again, and to get out. I said “why are you treating me this way? is it because of your new girlfriend, who you allow to disrespect me?” he wouldn’t answer. He just continued to yell for me to get out. I kept saying “why are you pushing me away? What have I done wrong?” Still, no reply. Then he told me he hated me and didn’t care if I lived or died. His mother told me he was confused and torn in his feelings between me and his new steak girlfriend. He told his mother he didn’t mean it when he said he still had feelings for me last week. He told her he only told me that to make me feel good. He told me he didn’t care if I lived or died. So maybe I should do him that favor and permanently vanish, so he and his new ***** can live happily ever after!

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General

Fade to black

by Help89
written by Help89

I just can’t deal anymore. Everyone says to “hold on” and “be strong”. But they do not walk in my shoes. They do not feel the pain I feel. They were not physically and emotionally abused in their childhood. They didn’t see their boyfriend of 6 years find a new girlfriend and the two of them crack jokes about me on Facebook, saying that I am lunch meat while the new girlfriend is steak….yet the ex-boyfriend calls and tells me the same week he not over me and wants to be friends and I am a great person. How can I be a great person if you and your girlfriend refer to me as lunch meat and refer to her as steak? Why do you even need to discuss me with her? Why do you have to hurt me in this way and many other ways?? Why can’t I escape the pain of losing you? Why do I still want to be with you and love you after you played me and disrespected me like that? Why am I so stupid? Why can’t I just die? Nobody cares anyway. They say they do because it’s politically correct. But they don’t really care. I should just fade to black. No more pain, grief, worry or tears. Just silence. Peace. Still. Calm.

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What Now?

by Help89
written by Help89

I am really glad I found this site.

I found out while researching the best way to off myself.

I’m only 22 and one and a half months away from being the first one in my family to graduate from college. My parents and family are so proud of me. How can I take this away from them?

I am always thinking of others before myself. That’s why I’m at these crossroads.

A nearly 6 year on and off relationship with the guy I KNOW is the love of my life. I was 16 when I met him.

I hear you saying I can find another guy, I’m young, live my life, etc. But this guy was here for me when my parents kicked me out and put me on the street. Gave me my first car, put me in my first apartment taught me how to love, taught me how to live.

But then when I was 18, I cheated. I broke his heart. But he stayed. He stayed and I still beat myself up for hurting the man who taught me how to love. Fast forward 3-4 years later…we never stopped talking, never lost contact. Gave each other space to heal, but love brought us back to each other. So I thought.

Then he joined a frat. Started dating other people. Started having sex with other women….while saying he still loves me. Says he still loves me, just doesn’t want to be with me “right now”. But I STILL love him and he says he STILL loves me and I keep holding on to hope. If this hope dies, so do I. I NEVER slept with anyone else after the mistake I made 4 years ago. Didn’t date anyone.

Things were going well. We brought in new year’s together. We  talked and hung out. He said I was such a joy to be around. I thought we were making progress.

Then this past weekend my calls and texts went ignored. When I saw him, he said he “lost his phone”.

Then mutual friends started deleting me off of social networking sites.

Then I found out he didn’t really lose anything. Something has happened and I don’t know what. He won’t answer my calls (the phone RINGS when I call) or texts. The last time he shut me out, his so called best friend was lying on me to him and lying on him to me. But guess what…he believed HER over me. He shut me out without even talking to me and when he finally did, he was the one apologizing….but he still kept this girl as a friend as often says he “loves” her on Facebook.

So now I sit wondering what I could have done to cause such erratic behavior. I have a HUGE problem with rejection. All I have been doing the past 3 years is try to prove that I love him and want to be with him, but it’s not enough.

Growing up, my parents often beat me and told me how I was adopted. My mother often called me ugly, stupid, ad even referred to me as my father’s *****.

This guy rescued me from that. He was the one who loved me when nobody else did. How can he desert me this way? Why can’t he just tell me what’s bothering him instead of lying to my face? I’m not good at putting my thoughts to words so this probably seems like a dumb reason to contemplate. But if I lose him, I will have NOTHING left. That’s how I feel. My heart is in a million pieces.

I sit here typing and looking at my phone, hoping he will call or text. But the love I have for him isn’t good enough I guess. And that crushes me.

I have lost many friends over the past few years. They say I am too needy or clingy. I’m just a burden to everyone around me.

I just feel so helpless and lost. I’m better off dying. Then I won’t hurt anyone again. And I won’t hurt again. I will just be a distant memory. Why is my life so valuable? Can you tell me that?

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