I tried I really did but in the end everyone just abandons me, guess that’s what I get for surrounding my self with selfish people. I think Saturday night will be perfect im going to end this pain. I know theres a few good friends that will truly be hurt but in the end I think they already knew I was suffering way to much. As for the rest fuck em I hope they feel like shit, personally Id rather them not care because they never really cared at all. You see some people deal with emotional pain or physical pain I have both, I […]
Ive been clean for 2 months now but the struggle is still real im always thinking if i just had a line how great i would feel. I was sitting at a party tonight thinking why the fuck am i here whats the point wheres my joy. I should be having the time of my life but i cant break past the walls. I dont know whats happening i have a good job, good friends, good girl. But somehow i cant find happiness, how is one supose to want to live when he has everything he needs and wants but still is never happy. In […]
This is it im done just bumped oxy for the last time I wanna be the person I could always be. But in the back of my mind I know the next weeks will be hell. I just hope I can make it through before I die of overdoes ive gone through about 70 pills in 6 days and I cant continue to live like this.
Last friday my oxy script ran out so I had to go 3 days without it, those three days were hell all I could think about was getting high again. I just dosed up on about 9o milligrams of oxy. I dont wanna go through this again ive relapsed hard and I dont wanna go threw this again. I met the girl of my dreams and I know if she finds out im screwed. I live a double life my friends hate drug users yet im high as a kite everytime im around them and I dont wanna lose anymore friends. At this point these […]
Im done with everyone’s bullshit, im tired of seeing people fuck perfectly good things up. Meanwhile im stuck here talking everyone’s shit while other people are given perfect life’s. Tonight my friend said that people who kill themselves are cowards and i couldn’t stop thinking about that. Im not coward ive been drun addiction, depression, and physical illness but im tired and weak. This shit has weighed on me for far to long hoq much longer am i supose to hold on to false hopes. Im at the end of my rope and i need a saving grace otherwise im pulling the tigr in the […]
One day at a time  that’s my new motto I dont think ahead or back and just put on blinders. Im still trying to get everything figured out in my life and still really haven’t expressed my thoughts to anyone. It kills me literally to keep these thoughts inside but If I tell someone itll just make everything worse. I dont know why im so fascinated with suicide and it pops up even when im having a fun time. I feel stuck and that somehow I still havent gained full closure over my accident or my life.
Yes it was cool at first being the bad boy, the drug dealer, the crazy dude, but now all I am is an addict. I haven’t touched oxy in a month which I guess is good but alcohol is a different story. Every time I go out I have to get drunk, every time I feel sad I have to get drunk, all I do is try to hide my emotions after all I have a reputation to keep and a mask to wear. I guess my problem is no one else cares because I dont care. Im too afraid to admit who I am rather than face who I need to be. I dont know ive jump so […]
I was starting to feel better and working on getting myself straight. But fuck it these people I call friends they dont care. Its funny its obvious im a drunken mess and struggling but no one seems to care. Why should I even bother to start a conversation about how I feel when its obvious they dont care. Humans are fucking sad pitiful creatures its all always me me me. I always give 100 percent of myself to people when they need, no matter how minimal there bullshit is. Well see idk how this weekend is going to unfold, but I really cant take much more shit. If I do it […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciYk-UwqFKA
take some time to watch this video. No matter how bad you think you have it someone probably has it way worse than you. Life is a gift, its so special we cant even understand it. We try to figure out everything but why we live such a short life, what we have here now is special. Make the most of what you have because whats worse than being alive? we simply don’t know. Smile today because you can still walk. I had my legs taken away for 3 months and soon another 3 and I understand I can do anything I apply myself too.
I had a pretty good weekend and im staring to fell better. But the problem is everywhere I turn my past comes back to haunt me. Everyone around me is doin drugs and drinking, im finally trying to get clean but its hard. But ill keep soldiering on. I watched a documentry about suicide tonight and I dont think I could put my friends and family through that hurt. Though I might be in a better place the people I leave behind will have to deal with that grief for the rest of there life. Im so young I have a lifetime to live, I realized this […]
Its funny the only i feel anything anymore is in a drunken or drug induced stupor. Its like when im intoxicated i can let out the truth. But the truth hurts no one fucking cares fuck fake people. Im so tired of this all, if my so called friends fall thpurgh on friday i think ill finally do it.
Well I’m going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I’m not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don’t regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are […]
Im just over it all, everything just kepps pilling on. Today I found out my recovery time is going to take way longer almost a year plus. On top of all this my parent sno longer trust me what so ever. Everyone I know just seems to shrung me off when I look for help. I cant possibly go on, my life is going to be extremely painful and I dont want to live a life of pain why not just end it all now. Sure everyone will be heart broken for a month then everything will go back to normal ill just be another statistic. I know if […]
Im 18, in November of 2012 I was in a bad car accident. I had a head on collision with a tree, as a result i mangled my leg and have and face several surgeries and a year and half of recovery. This isnt the first time ive felt like ending it all im a ex drug and alcohol abuser. After my accident I thought id have people there for me, but the people I call friends have forgotten bout me. Mostly because I cant and don’t want to party anymore, sometimes I wish I had just died that night. Recently ive also found out the sports I love That I can no longer play. I just feel lost im dabbling in drugs and alcohol again just […]