Last friday my oxy script ran out so I had to go 3 days without it, those three days were hell all I could think about was getting high again. I just dosed up on about 9o milligrams of oxy. I dont wanna go through this again ive relapsed hard and I dont wanna go threw this again. I met the girl of my dreams and I know if she finds out im screwed. I live a double life my friends hate drug users yet im high as a kite everytime im around them and I dont wanna lose anymore friends. At this point these drugs have controlled me I just wanna buy as much oxy as i can take it all and die happy. I dont wanna go through this anymore I rather rot in hell than deal with the pain of losing everything my friends, my family, my life. Society looks down on me when in reality im sick this addiction is like cancer it grows greater everyday. And as it grows a piece of me dies everyday, at this point id rather die than have every one know what i really am a selfish monster.
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4 comments
Don’t be so hard on yourself. What if one of your friends got addicted to their prescription? Would you think any less of them? Who’s to say none of your friends isn’t in the same trap?
One thing about alcohol and drugs is they work for awhile in the honeymoon period. Then we need more and more, not to even get high but just to function. Eventually they don’t work at all, all we’re getting is the stick and no carrot.
Millions of people are in detox now. A lot of times detox takes a week or two. They go on to rehab for a month or so. Then there are 6 month or 1 year programs called aftercare to help gradually get back on our feet.
A lot of people relapse but to me that means they had a buncha days clean that they wouldn’t have otherwise. They got recovery down to a science now brother don’t stress. Try to enjoy your buzz.
So you want to find out how to deal with being an addict, and how to keep your dream girl and your friends in your life.
You sound like you have a lot of it down already. You acknowledge that you’re an addict.
And your friends and the woman seem important to you.
If it were me, I’d do 2 things:
1) Get help with my addiction, or at least work out how to deal/live with it in a healthy way
2) Be the best partner and friend I can possibly manage
And then I’d just have to hope that was good enough.
But again, it’s up to you to figure out what to do.
My mom was covering my medical by keeping me on her insurance. She quit her job for another. My mom, brothers, and i have no medical for the next three months while she settles in to her new job. I don’t have anymore meds. I can’t go to a doctor. I can’t be taken to an ER or mental ward. A week ago i finished the last of my meds….i have insomnia…they were giving me stuff to sleep….i dont sleep anymore. I’m losing it. I started taking meds a year ago….forced to quit cold turkey….glad my mom is happier at another job but i guess she thinks i can make it three months with no sleep..
Yes I feel like I know what I need to do its just the drugs have such a grip on me . I should also add I do need some sort of painkiller as I have just had a 3rd knee surgey in 8 months and do suffer from chronic pain.