not to long ago i was asked if i could take a pill that would end my life painlessly would i do it…. i was on the phone with my girlfriend… i said no…. im not so sure now.
she said that to me three times at 11:09. at 11:10. i smiled. i haven’t stopped. i love you too. im scared tho…
Suicide, suicide
Your presence is near
Suicide, suicide
I wish you were here
Suicide, suicide
Take me away
Suicide, suicide
Please make it today
Suicide, suicide
An answer, for me
Suicide, suicide
I need to escape, be free
Suicide, suicide
I’ve had too much
Suicide, suicide
Take me, do your touch
Suicide, suicide
Leave the rest behind
Suicide, suicide
You’re all over my mind
Suicide, suicide
Let me pass in peace
Suicide, suicide
I need to release
i find myself smiling a lot. mainly because of A.S as i talked about in a previous post. there aren’t to many people on this earth that can make me smile and happy and actually truly laugh every time they open their mouth…. 3 to be exact… i wonder whats gonna happen when they leave me like everyone else.
when is it time for me to get something i want. not to sound conceited but i do tend to give and give…well i try and i rarely… id like to say never get any sort of respect in return…. whatever. push me away. in the end i wont be suffereing anymore.
today i found out that 4 of my exs had slept with some of their exs while me and them were together…. i dont have feelings for them but it just made me realize… how im not good enough for even the lowest of people….. fuck my life.
11:58 ive been on all types of anti depressant medication but honestly its all bullshit. ya it makes you seem happier and your adorphins are running and you feel great while on them. but you cant have them forever and when youre off of them you go back to that deep dark endless depression you started off in. fuck all these pills. they are all going to burn….. 12:17… they are all gone. 😀
save me. im trapped inside my own mind. i am constantly being scared into cotastrophizing every givin situation until i trick myself into beliveing that everyone is out to get me. i cant think strat. i get lost. help…
im responsible for my actions. i wont and dont ever try to blame someone else for my wrong doings. but i can say that the reason behind my even thinking about doing such actions comes from others. i wont have to senak out and party if im allowed to go out and be a teenager i wouldnt need to hide things from you if you gave me a suitiable environment to open up to and feel safe while doing so. i wouldnt want to end my life if you treated me better. so im at fault for my actions but your at fault for fucking […]
you are the main reason im so sad and depressed. i hate both of you with every fiber of my being. you raised me wrong… like completly wrong. you were to strick to much of a ***** and an asshole and you didnt trust me from day one. your the reason why i did everything that i did and why i continue to do everything that i do. one day when i cant find the strength to live any more and i do take my life…. i hope to fucking god you read this and know its your fault.
I find an old photograph
and see your smile.
As I feel your presence anew,
I am filled with warmth
and my heart remembers love.
I read an old card
sent many years ago
during a time of turmoil and confusion.
The soothing words written then
still caress my spirit
and bring me peace.
I remember who you used to be
the laughter we shared
and wonder what you have become.
Where are you now,
Where did you go,
When the body is left behind
and the spirit is released to fly?
Perhaps you are the morning bird
singing joyfully at sunrise,
or the butterfly that dances
so […]
goodbyes: there is no more. there is nothing left. no second hello. no more living no more nothing.
Farwells: there is a second hello…..
with that. goodbye
my body is here. but i feel like everything else is drifting away. like my will to live and my want to be good and try to make it fades away. i find myself thinking of death more and more every day. im not going anywhere but i recognized that so many thoughts pulsate through my mind. sending a heavy surge into my head making me drift off into this alternate little world momentarily… its ironic though… im thinking about corrupt things but i realized im happier in that world than i am here… because although all that exsists in that world is death and […]
im not trying to score any points here. but A.S initals of the most important person in my life. shes my girlfriend as well as my best friend. i was lost until her. not syaing im found now but it helps a lot knowing that there is someone there. i wanted to say this because for the people who dont think there is something or someone out there who can save u…. ur fucking wrong. im here you have me. someone is there. go find em.
i do my best to stay away from both of them. i was a druggie, a meth head. crack pot. pothead call me what you want. thats what i was.
– 6th grade: first ciggarete first hit out of a bong. first shot
– 7th grade: more weed more cigs. but this time, first drunk, first aolcohol posioning. first time doing coke
– 8th grade: a lot more week a lot more alcohol a lot of cigs but a lot of coke…. but first time doing meth. shrooms. over the counter percription. getting cross faded. xanex ectacy. codiones. adherol.
– 9th grade: first time realizing…. […]
i wake up. and as cliche as it is i look myself in the mirror…. and throw up. im in such disgust of myself and who ive become. i was raised in a loving home and i dont know how but somehwere along the line between the ages of 12-16 i turned corupt. i started forming a black hole where my heart should be. i dont know what happened. i go to school seeing all the faces. depicting all the various emotions from the littlest gestures. weather it be how they walk, with their head down being pushed around by people who refuse to walk […]
i find myself waking up places i dont remember getting to. in situiations any normal 16 year old shouldnt be in. in the back of a car going 120 on a freeway with a person you dont know driving. i black out (and im not on drugs) and just wake up. idk whats going on. i think im going insane