indifference

It’s like I’m dead to you. Do I mean nothing to you?

I go out of my way to see you and say hello, but you just throw it back in my face. You take me for granted.

When I met you I thought you’d change my life, and you did. It took everything I had to tell you that I missed you. Everything. And when you told me you missed me too I believed you. I shouldn’t have. That was my mistake.

Every single time you walked past I would wait for you to say something to me, just like you said you would. And when you […]

So here’s what has happened.

The last couple of weeks were really good, I don’t know why, they just were. I had more self confidence, I didn’t cut myself once, and when I thought about suicide I’d think to myself that it probably wasn’t what I wanted. I went to my psychiatrist and she told me that my depression had dropped dramatically, but my anxiety had gotten worse. I was pretty happy to hear this, so I went to school and told my two best friends, who were so happy they were almost in tears.

Then it got worse again. I cut myself again, because that’s the […]

I cringe every single time I see a photo of me. There’s nothing good about me. My hair never goes right, I’m fat, I can’t smile, I am just not good to look at all together. Part of my daily routine is to just look in the mirror and wish continuously that I was someone else.

Do you ever get that feeling like everyone hates you and all their doing is backstabbing you, but you have no choice but to stick around because you’ve got no one else?

You can ignore me all you want. But when you and your boyfriend break up I won’t be here anymore. Go find some fucking new friends because I have HAD IT with you.

The school counselor wants me to keep a diary and say when I want to cut myself and why. I’m thinking it will look like this:

Wednesday – I’m never good enough.

Thursday – I’m not smart enough.

Friday – I’m not pretty enough.

Saturday – I’m not skinny enough.

Sunday – I’m not nice enough.

Monday – I’m not happy enough.

Tuesday – I will never be good enough for anyone.

My mum yelled at me today and screamed at me, telling me I was disrespectful, the biggest ***** and all sort of other crap. She came right up to my face and as she screamed “Fuck off!” to me she spat on me. She told me she wanted to move out, and I told her to go ahead, “what’s keeping you?”

I hate her. Nothing is ever her fault, it’s always my fault or my sister’s.

I hope she will move out.

I started the conversation with the guy I like.

Now I can’t stop shaking. It’s like I’ve never been this proud of myself and happy at the same time..