lsanva

Parents and Siblings. Do not worry what sis has to say in her diary. Truthfully we fluff the facts to make our lives seem more interesting, terrible, or like a movie in some way so Diaries can’t be trusted.
I don’t want this to fall on deaf ears or have you think that I have no clue what I am talking about. My son had the same complaints about me. (No Siblings) Then one day he did not answer his bedroom door. After removing the door handle we found my son Daniel Dead in his bed. That was 12/18/2010 and I still feel like I can’t get out of bed each day. It is a fight to try to live. I miss him so and have many regrets. Had I known I would have said to him how important him being a part of our lives is and how he has a place in this world or he would not have been born in the first place.
Daniel used to threaten me that one day he was going to silence me and would say things like “I can’t wait till you see whats coming!” I Often wonder if Daniel got to see what happened when we found his body or if he were long gone by then as he had died the night before. I look at the time that has passed and thought to myself that what ever pissed Daniel off that day would be such old news now, a year and a half later but, Daniel is still dead. We can’t laugh about the little shit he used to get mad at because he is gone FOREVER.
As Daniels mother, I wish I could die every day but I can’t kill myself. Takes a lot of balls to complete suicide in my opinion I am afraid of pain and suffering. And if life truly ends and there is no consciousness after death……something NONE of the living know for a fact. Even though your family will be shattered, they will be forced to go on and live without you. As the years pass the pain will soften BUT your family will always feel guilt about you. Like me, they will say every day, I wish he were here to see this! or he would have loved this. But hes not here and never will be again. Never. So yeah, you will be punishing them all like they have never been punished before. The pain that losing someone is immense couple that with the shock of finding your body then you add PTSD which increases your family members chances of taking their own life because of how you looked Dead when they found you. I have this nagging feeling that if Daniel had the chance to come back he would, but when you kill yourself it is forever. Police come to your house and as your body lay dead the police conduct their investigation which in Daniels case he lay dead in his room waiting for the coroner and Medical examiner to come photograph the death scene (Crime Scene) for 4 hours. I am not trying to talk you out of doing anything, I just think that anyone who takes their life should know the facts. I know if Daniel knew the facts he would not have done it as he was very private hated having his picture taken. Good luck with your decision. Bless you. In honor of Daniel M.I.