I need to do a speech for school on “What’s right with the world”. I can’t even think of anything to do it on. What a bad topic..
I opened up to Rian. I said to him “I am addicted to cutting again… I don’t want to go to counselling anymore, but I don’t know what else to do.” Â and he replies “well keep doing it? i dont know what to say, theres only two options, everyone has to go through shit they hate. Part of life, Just stick with it!”
I’m sick of opening up to people and then getting shut down like I’m nothing. Why does everyone make me feel like I’m nothing?
I KNOW YOU DON’T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE
and it’s killing me..
I’m addicted to it again. Every morning and night I have to do it. I tried telling my friend, Rian. I tell him everything. This time though, I know he’s sick of it. I feel bad for doing this to him, I’ve dumped it all on him. But he didn’t have to react like he did. He could have pretended to care. So now I have thick red lines all down my arm. Good thing it’s winter, or I would have to take my jumper off. And the guy I like… Â well, nothing yet. We had a strong eye contact, but that’s about it. I […]
How do you even succeed in making a guy like you? It’s impossible.
Why do I even go? It’s not like I can really talk to them?
They probably tell anyone who would listen.. especially my family.
I feel like I hate my family.
I feel like I hate most of my friends.
Who’s left?
Hold on baby you’re losing it
The water’s high you’re jumping in to it
And letting go and no one knows
That you cry but you don’t tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you’re tied together with a smile but you’re coming undone.
This is kind of how I feel.
I feel like I’m losing my mind and thinking about suicide more and more everyday.
I cry all the time, but I know I can’t talk to anyone anymore… not after they told me to basically get over it all..
Everyone has all these expectations of me.. they think I’ll become a famous author […]
My sister is driving me crazy. My life does not revolve around her! And I am so sick of her being jealous that I have a life! I’m sick of her taking over and forcing me to do things with her! She is the most annoying and boring person I know. She constantly asks questions about my friends, she tries to make me cancel things with them. Today I was shopping with her and I said “I can’t get this because I need money for tomorrow, I’m seeing Div.” she she said “just say you were sick or something,” I know it doesn’t sound that […]
I don’t get why people pick on people about things they can’t help? Do they just live to make people hate themselves?
Yes, I have crooked teeth. But don’t you think I would do something about that if I could?
Yes, I may be ugly. But how do you expect me to change that?
Most of the things you tease me about can’t be helped! So why do I let you bring me down? It’s not doing me any good..
I have so many things on my mind all day and when I get to write them down I have no idea what I was supposed to say…
It seems like everything is fitting back together. I’m friends with people I never thought I’d want to talk to again. I haven’t cut myself in so long. And I don’t want to go to counselling anymore. I don’t know whether I’m just too busy to think about anything right now or whether I’m lying to myself.
I have so many things annoying me at the moment…
-I’m trying to get fit and lose weight… and it just doesn’t seem […]
I remember sitting in Health class two years ago – year eight – and getting taught about depression and suicide. My thoughts at that time were something along the lines of “take it all in, you never know when you might need to save a friend,” and I kept the sheets that we were given. I found them the other day. I never ever thought that I would have to look for the signs in myself.
I just think it’s weird how the future is actually so unpredictable. I never thought this would happen to me. I honestly thought I would always be that girl that […]
There are so many people on this site who are much older than me, and it makes me feel bad because they’ve tried so hard to keep going and I’ve already tried giving up at basically half their age. I think it’s weird when I think about being younger, like in primary school. It’s funny how oblivious we were when the cruelty of life hadn’t hit us yet. I wish I could go back to then. I want to go back to grade six where none of it mattered because I went to a small school with heaps of friends. I want to go back […]
These holidays I plan to forget about you, BOTH of you. You’re both messing with my life and you don’t even know it.
No more seeing if you’re online. No more thinking about you all day. No more losing sleep over thoughts about you.
Just get out of my head, and hopefully stay out. If not, I don’t know what I’ll do. You’re like torture.
I am so tired of it all.
I’m waiting for someone to save me, or maybe notice. But no one does.
They’ll never know because I promised I’d be okay this time.
Well, I’m sorry Rian, I’m not okay and I lied when I said you shouldn’t be worrying.
Sorry, Alannah, I don’t want to compete for your friendship anymore.
This time you don’t get any signals, no clues. If I want to do it, you’ll never notice.
You just don’t care enough about me.
I feel like my friends never want me, like they’re not really my friends.
Maybe they’re making fun of me behind my back.
They’re only sticking around for one reason – if I have another attempt then they want the gossip.
That’s all I am to them – gossip.
I’m sick of meaning nothing to everyone. I want to be someone and I want to like myself.
Is that so hard?
I have another party tomorrow night, another thing I have to go to looking horrible compared to everyone else. I would rather take a walk alone in the dark with my ipod, I might leave and do that.
Sometimes I get into a mood where I don’t want to see people anymore. Sometimes I get a feeling where I really need to talk to this one friend of mine. It’s convenient though, Â because this friend just stopped talking to me randomly. I told him everything, but then I had a fight with his girlfriend. I can see who is more important now. They’re not even a real couple. His girlfriend is the biggest ***** I have ever met, every time I think about her I want to cry. It’s her fault I feel like this, she made my friends say crap things to […]
I enjoyed going to counseling in the beginning. I thought it would help. I thought that after a few months I could get back up and never think about suicide again. I hate it now. I don’t want to go anymore, it doesn’t help. I can’t tell anyone what I’m feeling. I want to. But I’m scared and ashamed. I don’t want to do this anymore.
So, I kind of need to vent to someone. I don’t know what about. So I came on here.
I am very doubtful about love. It’s not the most important thing in the world. But I want to know how it feels. I wonder if I’ll ever find it. Does everyone?
I am also afraid of the future, everyone is. But, I’m scared that my future will be crap and that nothing will ever get better and that I won’t be able to do the things I want.
Ugh, it seems like I’m going on about nothing important, I’m trying to figure out why I can’t tell people […]