There are so many people on this site who are much older than me, and it makes me feel bad because they’ve tried so hard to keep going and I’ve already tried giving up at basically half their age. I think it’s weird when I think about being younger, like in primary school. It’s funny how oblivious we were when the cruelty of life hadn’t hit us yet. I wish I could go back to then. I want to go back to grade six where none of it mattered because I went to a small school with heaps of friends. I want to go back to grade six where boys didn’t matter to me, because I knew that I would find someone someday.
Well, I’m in year ten now and the boy I’ve fallen the hardest for was the worst boyfriend ever imaginable and I don’t have the guts to tell anyone that the biggest part of the reason why I tried to kill myself was because he made me feel like nothing, like I wasn’t worth his time. We don’t even speak anymore! And it’s been four months since we broke up and I’m still-not-over-him. It’s killing me. I know he probably doesn’t even think of me anymore. I’m sick of complaining about it to my friends because I know they’re sick of hearing it. We were a bad couple, I ended up hating him. I ended up with so many scars on my wrist during the time we were together and he didn’t even notice. I cried for him, and I almost died for him. How is that not enough to realise that I need to get over it?
I think because of him I’ll be scared of love. I won’t pretend that I’m strong here. It’s obvious I’m not. To my friends though, it’s a constant fight to not cry in front of them when I talk about how much he doesn’t matter anymore. I have developed a crush on someone else though, he flirts with me, and I flirt back. But he doesn’t like me. I don’t even know how to tell because no one ever gives me a second glance.
I need to stop living in the past, I think that’s what will end up killing me.
4 comments
i know its hard now and you cant see it getting better, but other people split up with their partners and cope….i was with someone in america, im in england, and it was heartbreaking.The only person I ever truly cared about – my friends were so happy in their relationships and i was so unhappy because I missed him. There was nothing i could do about it, it takes time to get over someone you love and you cant rush it. You usually have these hurdles to overcome when you are older, so yes, you are young, but your pain has started early. Don’t give in, fight it. You can be strong 🙂
im a guy in year 10 in england, sorry to say it but most people my age and gender are knobs, either theyre just not clever or emotionally intuitive to realise that other humans on earth have feelings too or they understand this so they use it to get what they want because they just dont have any fucking morals. ive got an older sister who im very close to and ive always been good at looking at myself and others in a non biased way so id say that i fit into neither catagory, ive thousands of fault but im proud to say that empathy’s rarely one of them.
truth is that you just werent a good match, i wont say that youll never go out with a twat like him and youll probably meet different types of people who youre equally incompatible with but its all just a journey towards finding someone you love. its not going to be easy and it will hurt but christ to play the most beautiful guitar piece you need first harden your fingertips with calluses. its all worth it though. if you want to talk about it then im always avalible to email at lauriejohnson1@hotmail.co.uk we dont need to talk about anything you dont want to and you only email as much as you want, no pressure, but who knows maybe ill be able to offer you some advice or maybe just letting it all out will be medicinal in itself, hope to hear from you
boys can suck! i had a similar situation, my boyfriend ended up dragging me down, i came out with lotsa scars. literally, but you know what? if you push through, you’re gonna find someone, who actually deserves you, who will love and cherish you! and dont settle for anything less. ill be praying.
The only thing I can even think about is showing him what he’s missing. Not much.