I saw a picture of a girl’s arm covered in cuts and blood.
What did it make me think?
I hate it when it gets so itchy when it starts to heal.
The itchiness alone makes it not worth it, for me, at least.
sometimes silence can’t be undone.
I sit quietly and close my eyes.
I hear the world about me whir and buzz from a distance.
TV announcers raising their voices
debating this and that, arguments and choices
I wonder about the relevance
Of the questions of mice and men
inquiries abound, relentless in their prevalence
I grasp at them desperately, floating mid-air.
Always above my head
They fly by, with me unnoticed.
They tell me, that the answers to all my confusion
are just a step ahead, just a wisp away
But always my battles, end with Pyrrhic victories
Losses more than gains, condemned to mere memories
And…just
Just;
Just when I […]
hey everyone. my computer is broken and I’m posting from my phone. I’ve had a horrible night. finally thought I was getting better. met the bastard who ditched me when I had a miscarriage. ended up getting smacked in the face when I wanted to talk about it, but when the police showed up I didn’t have the heart to send him to jail. in the end good people get fucked. so I’m gonna do it tonight. wish I could talk to you but miraculously my computer broke tonight. fuck life and it’s assholes. bye everyone
I don’t feel like killing myself.
The feeling is so foreign, I’m sitting here dumbfounded.
I don’t know what to do.
I’ve trashed my life with every intent to die.
So, I just sit here.
I can’t seem to bear being alone.
I hate that.
Does anyone else feel pathetic posting here? I do, every time I do.
Well, I’m past due. Way past my date of expiry. I have it set up that if I don’t reply to a text by the end of the day, the cops are going to come busting through my door. And the cops have done that already twice this year, it’d be too embarrassing if I were alive to greet them. Last time they came by, I had three of them stomping around in my room, snooping, while I stared at the traces of vomit that had dried up on the hardwood floor, hoping […]
I’ve set my date. It’s tomorrow.
I’ve set it so many times before. I keep putting it off. Dragging my feet. But life isn’t looking like sparkles anytime soon. Well, not life in general. Just me. Life could be sparkles. I don’t think I can see it again though. I’ve lost the art of experiencing joy. There’s no point not living; existing and living are two different things, and I can’t bear the former. Can’t walk the edge of the knife forever. Have to choose a side at some point.
When I look out the window, it’s fall. Fall is my favorite season. The air is crisp, and I […]
Here, I wanted to share this with you.
While you stay, sit and bask in the sun.
It is my favorite place to go.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_mL05yyBoGJk/S-bepBQnXpI/AAAAAAAAAGM/2XH_OXfA8bc/s1600/123.jpg
I went on SP chat to see if there was anyone I recognized..
Guess what! I’m silenced!
I guess saying that I want support for wanting to die is too instigating, and being against the mainstream suicide wannabes means my voice needs to be crushed.
Hahahaha, what’s new with the world?
Ironic, how even in herd of black sheep, I seem to be even too black to fit in.
Fuck your stupid conformity.
I came to find some sort of solace, but as usual, expectations of any sort just leave you fucked.
Should have known better to shut the fuck up and kill myself instead of expecting other suicidal people to understand what it really is like to want to kill yourself, not to want to live. If I wanted to live I would have gone to a fucking happy go lucky site.
Hope is fucking overrated.
What’s the best way to have someone find you? Opinions?
I’ve thought about mail, emails, giving heads ups are more questionable…
I wouldn’t want to start decomposing where I lay. But I wouldn’t want someone to stop me either.
Fed up with crying wolf, and even worse, I don’t even know if people would take me seriously if I said I was going to kill myself.
Because every time I’m at that brink, that dread is immediate, real. Pulses through my blood, my bones.
Yet, I’m not sure if I’m supposed to laugh at my own pathetic attempts.
Someone tell me to just fucking do it already. I don’t care if things will get better, I don’t care if I’m good, I don’t care, if life is good. I just want to do it. I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want encouragement. I want somebody to tell me that I can be brave enough to just do it.
My first post was months ago. yet I’m still here.
I have it all ready behind me, the ******** tank, the turkey oven bag, the gas regulator. I’m long past saying good byes. All I can think of is how much I miss that one person, who I will never see again. I’ve pushed everyone away, drained away every bit of money I’ve had, every bit of hope I’ve had, and now all my mind does is draw a blank.
I have people who love me, my family, my friends, even strangers who I barely know reach out to me. And the sad part is how I […]
I bought a regulator today on ebay for 70 bucks. It’s supposed to work for helium, ******** and argon. Made by Lincoln Electric. I called the welding supply a couple weeks ago, I think it’s a bit more than $100 for a smaller sized ******** tank. I’m undecided as whether to go ******** or helium, and feel somewhat lost though I am doing the research online as to how to go about this. I am pretty scared. I’ve chickened out so many other times, overdosing, trying to get my nerves up to be able to jump from a 7 story parking structure. Though after looking […]
I would like to think myself a normal girl.
I know how to be happy, and I have been, and I know it’s possible to be again. I just don’t know when.
I go through cycles, every time I’m heartbroken, I try to take my life. I quite possibly do have borderline personality disorder.
The last heartbreak was half a year ago, and I can’t seem to get over it.
This time it’s different. I don’t think I want to recover. I don’t want to be heartbroken now, and I don’t ever want to be heartbroken again.
I can’t handle it.
I’ve overdosed 4 times already, been hospitalized 6 times in […]
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