I attempted once when I was 21. This was before google. I was naive to how to go about it. I thought if I just took a bunch of pills then I would die. I took the whole box of pills and got in the bath. I floated for a bit then I called out to whatever was out there to come take me. I wrote a quick note to noone in particular, and closed my eyes. I woke up hours later, and it was like I had an unbelievable will to live. I got myself to the hospital where they treated me like shit, […]
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I feel anxious every time I leave my house because I feel people can see my every mistake. Then when someone shows me mercy for a mistake is that all they see when they look at me? I am lost, I just want to be erased because clearly I am a mistake. I do not know why we were born to suffer, but I am tired and the pain is heavy. Life or death… I can’t tell the difference anymore.
I have done some really shitty things in my life. Mostly all under the influence of alcohol. I know that if I just never drink then I will not have these issues, but I have also had fun times too. I have sought help in the past, but it has never done anything. This last time, my therapist recommendation was for me to listen to TedTalks. It seems I am in the spiral. I will get better, then I will go out and embaress the F out of myself because I was so wasted. I am a habitual binge drinker. I drink once a month […]