Author

jmvsic

imissmylove

by jmvsic 10/11/2012

written by jmvsic

i am so hurt. i am so alone. i am crying every day because i miss her so much.

i am not afraid of being gone. i am afraid of being here, without her.

she told me more than once, “you are the only man i could ever imagine forever with, and that makes me so happy.”

now, she doesn’t speak to me at all… and very likely says those same words to another. this pain is too much. it may be “normal” for everyone else in the world to love and then leave. it may be perfectly acceptable for everyone else to abandon someone who truly cares. […]

10/11/2012 6 comments

by jmvsic 10/6/2012

written by jmvsic

i wish i was severely allergic to wheat, peanuts, grapes and sugar… that way i could just eat a pb&j sandwich and down it with a coke, and die.

easy, delicious and done.

10/6/2012 9 comments

everything hurts & nothing helps

by jmvsic 9/24/2012

written by jmvsic

there is this constant hollowness in my chest. when i breathe, it fills up with pain. i miss her so much.

i have lost control of every aspect of what i am supposed to be. i want nothing except to hold her again.

i don’t belong here, but she doesn’t want me there either.

i don’t know what to do. i don’t know how to be. nothing matters to me anymore except my thoughts of her…

i unwittingly hurt her. and i have punished myself everyday for that. she knowingly hurts me. and i love her regardless. i know i can’t do this without her anymore.

my only regret is […]

9/24/2012 0 comment

she is still so beautiful…

by jmvsic 9/23/2012

written by jmvsic

i don’t know why i am posting this.

i know my problems may seem trivial when compared to others. i know that there very may well be someone out there who would appreciate me more than she ever did. i know i bring most of this on myself. i know i made mistakes, and hurt her.

but i also know that i can’t do this. i know that i was truly happy, and i know that she was also truly happy. i know that my life is forever incomplete without her. i would be alive sure, but i wouldn’t be living. i feel so alone. i feel […]

9/23/2012 4 comments

these are the thoughts running through my mind every minute of every day.

by jmvsic 9/22/2012

written by jmvsic

i want to text her. i know i shouldn’t. at worst she’ll get angry, and at best she’ll just ignore me. actually, i don’t know which would really be worst / best.

even just a simple, “hi, i hope you had a good day…”

if she cared, she would text me.

i text her though, i am labeled as annoying and/or pathetic.

i hate texting. this is not how people were meant to (or should) communicate.

stupid “DING” of the phone gets me all worked up.

i want to text her. i know i shouldn’t.

9/22/2012 6 comments

1:43 on september 22

by jmvsic 9/22/2012

written by jmvsic

everything i do is for her. everything she does is also for her. i wish i could stop my heart from beating for her… but the only way to do that is to stop my heart from beating period.

it isn’t supposed to be like this. i miss her so much.

9/22/2012 5 comments

the promises i made

by jmvsic 9/21/2012

written by jmvsic

i promised her all of me. but that included some pretty hard to deal with parts. i promised her forever, even after she doesn’t want me anymore.

i promised her all of the happiness i could give, and i feel like i really tried. i promised her my heart, and that she will always have.

the only reason i am still here is because i promised her that i wouldn’t leave her in financial ruin because of our home that we bought together. as soon as i can sell it off and remove her name from the responsibility of the mortgage, i will have nothing left to […]

9/21/2012 3 comments

i made mistakes

by jmvsic 9/19/2012

written by jmvsic

i’ve never posted here before. i’ve read a lot of posts, and wanted to respond to many… but i never could find the right words, because i would feel hypocritical telling someone “it will be okay”, when in fact it very well may not be. i know that’s not the point, but still.

i had everything i every truly wanted. i was married to the most beautiful girl in the world, who also was my very best friend. i have been head over heels in love with her since we first met in 2001. i was 19 then, she was 16. we both made some mistakes, […]

9/19/2012 7 comments