I have just spent like the last two weeks or so in the hospital and holy fuck do they suck..
The food is disgusting, not like I ate much of it anyway.
My fellow volunteers looked at me like a freak..
Have I ever mentioned how much I don’t like the judgement people deliver?
To say the least, these last two weeks have sucked and have been incredibly painful..
Depression is when people look at and treat you like you have a chronic, life threatening disease when in reality they think you are weak, selfish and simple minded. They keep their façade going to ensure society does not call them out and label them as “a bad, heartless person incapable of sympathy” without thinking of the consequences their actions may have.
I feel as if my life has no purpose now, I told my story so it is not a burden anymore, I have tied of my relationships with the few people that were close to me, the school year is over and I have no other commitments that someone else cannot take over if I were to “accidentally” die. The only thing left to do that I can see is apologize, so here I go:
1. I am sorry I am so weak.
2. I am sorry I could not prevail.
3. I am sorry I failed you.
4. I am sorry for being so selfish.
S – slowly breathing in and out
A – about ready to scream and shout
V – vanishing faces focused on life
A – already giving up on that strife
N – not enough fight left in my body
N – never wanted my hands this bloody
A – alright I’ve had enough tears
H – how has tis much time past, so many years
C – clouds cover the sky
O – only I want to die
N – needed one last person to care
S – sorry it was only a dare
T – time has flown by
A – and all I can […]
First, you have to understand this. I am normally a very quiet, kind-hearted, caring kind of person who never, ever, yells at someone or is intentionally mean to another. But today, today I exploded.
So in school I am in this advanced program at school called the International Baccalaureate, or IB, program. The IB program at my school enables me the chance to go to a world school for my grade twelve year and another year. Basically these classes teach me more than the regular curriculum in order to provide a challenge for myself. I work very hard at my school work so I am actually […]
Silently, silently.
A teen not more than fifteen,
beaten and bruised,
lost and confused.
One who does not speak out,
but runs and hides.
Silently, silently,
she yearns for the missing young girl.
A teen not more than sixteen,
parties and people,
drugs and alcohol.
One who does not admit her addictions,
but hides behind them.
Silently, silently,
she screams for help.
A teen not more than seventeen,
taken advantage of,
hurt physically and mentally.
One who does not get help,
but remains quiet.
Silently, silently,
she wishes for relief.
A teen not more than eighteen,
broken and scarred,
self inflicted harm.
One who does not think,
but continues […]
I am not sure if this is a universal day that everyone celebrates/knows about, so I’ll just explain what today is. Today is Father’s Day and this day, along with Mother’s Day, is one of the hardest days of the year. What Father’s Day is, is a day focused on fathers around the world (I think it is around the world, if not I believe it is in North America at least) and their children and families treat these fathers with extra respect and love. Some people give gifts, or cards or just have a dinner with family. But for my family, we go all […]
Take me from this place,
It’s not like yesterday.
It’s this gentle maze,
These corridors and caves…
Where did you go…
A timeless face in misty eyed disgrace.
Choking behind glass.
If you could turn around,
You could have it all,
But break your hands before you break your fall.
In these gentle waves there’s a feeling I’ve been saved.
But I’m drowning still.
Why did you go…
Cold.
Tired.
Sick.
Black is loneliness.
Air.
Oxygen.
Breath.
Black is keeping you alive.
Invisible.
Gone.
Ghost.
Black is all that is left.
Silent.
Misread.
Lost.
Black is waiting for you.
Disregarded.
Forgotten.
Abandoned.
Black is me.
Mistaken.
Shadowed.
Lied.
Black is you.
Here.
There.
Everywhere.
Black is everyone.
Day.
Night.
Anytime.
Black is forever.
Run.
Hide.
Cry.
Black is inevitable.
Black is lurching,
Waiting to strike.
Black is your worst nightmare,
Come to life.
Black is unstoppable.
By this time, like I said previously, my life literally felt as if it was crumbling to pieces.
Ever since that one night, my mother’s “friend” had made a habit of having some sort of sexual activity or sex in itself every night, my mother being “oblivious”.
That summer though, my father decided to move back to my end of the country with his fiancé and her son. I was not that thrilled about it.
For two years, nothing really changed. We had a routine developed and everything was once again as stable as it could be. We moved a few times but that’s it. […]
Again, it’s me.
I figure I should do a re-cap just so no one gets lost.
My father abandoned my mother and I when I was five months old.
My mother met a new guy when I was four and I caught them having sex. Since that night, she made me watch and take part in sexual activities.
My mother moved me twelve hours away from my last piece of sanity and put me through hell with that new guy.
When I was eight my mother and I were out of a house so she shipped me off to my fathers.
While living with my […]
Hi again..
It’s little old me.
I figured I would continue my story seeing as it has been really weighing me down lately.
So, uhm, yea, here I go…again..
Things continued that way for awhile, but then things got a little worse…or a little better depending how you look at it..
My mother and that guy got into fights, a lot, and very bad fights..
When I close my eyes I the silence, I can still here the shouting, screaming and the faint sirens in the distance..
Anyways, they ended up taking some time a part from one another, that would be good right?
It […]
Well, I guess hello.
I don’t exactly know what I am doing here..
About ten minutes ago I was ready to end my life, but a person I know recommended I check out this one website awhile back and I figured it couldn’t hurt. That’s how I ended up here.
I don’t really know what I am suppose to say, or do. But I just really need to tell someone what is on my mind.
If you are also on this site reading my words, it is safe to assume that you’re dealing with something around the topic of suicide so you know the amount […]