I can’t leave him. I don’t know why, but every time I try to plan it, he either messages me, calls me, or even walks up to me. I want to die, but I just can’t ditch him like that…
I have lost all hope of my life becoming something “normal”. I’ve decided I will die on halloween. I don’t know how just yet. But I’m using the time to give my stuff away, make sure someone can take care of Violet, and that my boyfriend will be ok. He’s strong, and we haven’t been together more than a week. No one will miss me
I need to go, before I hurt someone. I’m tired of screwing up, the thoughts are back in full force. A tiny voice telling me that leaving now is my best choice. Why can’t it shut up? Why can’t anyone realize what I’ve done to myself before? Why can’t they see the scars, or hear me at night? Why can’t anyone grab a bottle of glue and at least try to put me together, make me human?
when I’m around him, I think I’m happy. But then I leave, and I start remembering how miserable I am, how fucked up I am, how not-normal I am. I just need to die. I’m not cut out for living. The only reason that I exist is to be used by others. No one cares enough to ask how I am, and actually mean it. He does, but when I say I’m fine he believes me. Am I that good of a liar?
I have lost the ability to feel happiness. Today, the guy I like, let’s call him A, kissed me. I think I enjoyed it. But then I got in my car, something felt wrong. Then I got home, the feeling got even worse. Now I sit here, three hours later, feeling depressed angry and guilty. I think I still feel for my ex. I don’t want to. It’s been almost 10 months, I want to be done with him. But he won’t go away. I feel so bad for feeling like this, when A should make me so happy, and is so understanding. I’m just […]
how can i love you,
why do i care,
how was i not aware,
you were going to leave me at my worst,
to turn my life into death,
leave me screaming in despair,
i trusted you to always be here,
through thick and thin,
you put my life in the wrong spin,
when you left i picked up my knife,
i thought i was an ex cutter,
but i guess i was wrong,
i must have been fooled […]
So the guy I like took me out for coffee today, and apparently he’s the touchy feely kind of guy. Always randomly hugging me, kissing my cheek. It’s too much. Too much to fight through. I’m trying to forget my ex, trying to still get over how much I screwed up. All the uncertainty is making me cut even more, and now deeper. I’m just so confused
I’m so sorry for hurting you. For making you hate me. For being a piece of shit. Today you turn 18. I wish I was there for that. You kept me sane, and I took it for granted. Now I’m alone, hated, wishing I weren’t alive. Â You kept me from dying, But I don’t have you anymore. It’s been just over 9 months since we parted, and I regret every day. I wish we never dated, that way I’d never fuck it all up. I’m so so sorry. You’ll never know how sorry I am. Please forgive me, or at least not wish I were […]
So the guy I posted about earlier? Yeah, he likes me. He also likes this other girl we work with. He wanted to know if I’d be offended if he took her and I out, at separate times, just to see who he liked more. At first I didn’t care, but now I can’t help but think that the other girl is probably better. She’s closer to his age, 21, and she most likely knows what she’s doing when it comes to dating. I don’t want to screw things up anymore. To top it all off, this has just made me even more depressed.
So, I started working at KingSoopers recently, and it’s not bad. Then I learned that my friend got hired there. He was flirting with me, and I him. But he doesn’t know that I cut. He doesn’t know that I have to everyday before work. He doesn’t know that I was suicidal, or that I still am. I suck at dating, no relationship has ever worked out, the guy always becomes an ass. But, I like him. Do I tell him that I like him? Do I tell him about the cuts? Should I just shut up and bag my groceries and get the job […]
What really happens if you call the suicide hotline? I probably won’t call, but I’m curious to see what would happen if I chickened out of it. Do they call the police, your parents, what? I want to know everything. Yeah, I like to learn about everything
And what would the police do.
Every morning I get up and head towards the bathroom. Only recently I realized I was avoiding the mirror, so today I looked. Now I know why I avoided it.
The dragon follows me where ever I roam;                              together we search for a place to call home.                                      We make our way to the Dragon’s keep,                                          but on the path, the darkness does sleep.                                      The Darkness follows me around,                                            even after the Dragon I have found.                                          A never-ending path we walk,                                             this gives us much time to talk.                                                  The Dragon wants peace, wants the Darkness gone,                              while the Darkness wants to what exactly he did wrong.                         On the road we meet a Phoenix, a Unicorn, and a Mermaid,                      for whose […]
It isn’t my intention to hurt anyone, and I apologize in the case that I actually do. Let’s just face it, I’m not cut out for living. I can’t do things right, I’m useless to my parents, I’m only someone to make fun of, and I’m just hated by a lot of people.
My mom, Kathy, she constantly makes remarks proving just how useless I am. For example, we would walk into the Air Force Academy Clothing Sales store, she would see those stupid “My daughter goes to the Air Force Academy†bumper stickers, and she would make the comment: “I wish I could put that […]
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