this whole time, i’ve been putting off killing myself just so no one i love suffer’d but they all let me down
so why should i care?
These thoughts are out of control,I’m going to my therapist later and i just don’t know how to describe these feeling,I’m a tell her i don’t wanna be on meds ne more, cause there not helping, i’ve tried and tried to push , but i losing strength, I feel hopeless these thoughts will always come back, cause i let them, but it only because the feel so raw and true. I believe what you say, i just don’t believe it forever, you lost it, you lost everything, my love is gone and the only thing i feel is hatred to myself and life,, I don’t […]
close them, the thoughts become calmer as they speak,
my the pound and brake on my brain
head banging, is a race with my mind, that help find serenity
im blind, these feeling are reall, this is how i feel?
and it will never go away, but just to be sure they will
i just hopee really hope i die tooday
I really really reallly don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t handle my emotions. whhhhy do i have to be such a failure in life, no matter what i do or who i meet, it never changes anything i  feel. It honestly become a burden, to freinds and family. I feel bad being such a mope, but that only because i’m dying more each and every day. and this pain, that holds me down, just never goes away.
I talk to people, and they all seem to relate in some way, I was talking with one of my new friends and they telling me, how […]
I don’t expect anyone to listen or care, i just need someone to vent to and if it happens to be stranger so be it, Nothing will change.
I was disgnoed with evre depression and aniexty in oct.2011, they started me on medication, but none of it make me feel that this is all still worth it, why do i ever have to try to feel happy, i don’t perever feelings, they just eat at me inside untill,my body starts to shake with uncontrollble force, forcing back the tears in public and silence of my mouth, doesn’t stop the soiltary inside me.These though consume me and […]
what killing me is I’m stuck here, feeling this push and pull on my chest and brain.
seeing everyone around me, down and up, rise and fall.
they seem like they are down with everything, don’t care, but each day they grow higher higher away.
and leave me in the darkest deepest hole.
how do they do it, where do they find it?
the hope and strength to go on
SOmething keeps takin me back here
I barely post anymore cause i dont have the word to explain it and am leaving my feelings in a dark place, i tried living with my emotions but i was silent all the time and it started to piss people off. I left society, school and family problems and dwelled with my will to die alone in my room, it made the life around me harder with every one’s disapointment and disaproval. I don’t talk to theripist cause ive Had many before and look at me now. not saying i wouldnt but whats the point if i wanna […]
Shit i was really trying the heal my wounds, cause this itching driving me insane.
But it the only thing here for me at the moment
No one cares in this moment
It seems my dream are braking into my reality
Sleep became my escape when life becomes to hard to bare
That my eyes glaze cold of death, blank stare
that inside is dead
There is no soul looking through the face , facing you
the life-mares makes the runing endless when your minds the enemy
Sometimes i wonder if it the world or just me,
Cause though i feel betrayed by socitey the people around me seem to surive much better then me.
It make’s me feel hopeless that no one feels they should die , and escape with the lost souls
The more i […]
I can’t plan my death i think the only way for me to have the courage to do it , would have to be spontaneous.
The plan, the waiting….. just gives me more time, just gives me more time to psych myself out.
I have to take my chances, that jumping in front of a train ,car, hanging myself from a tree
will end me. completely.
i feel so alone .
The ears,quite sensitive to the sound
Sometimes the silence, screams out loud
The eyes lie, when visions are so clear
You read between the lines
when there’s no words to be found
Stories appear.
Dont smell the most familiar scent,
even when it leaks from your wounds,
And leaves your clothes drenched.
Leaves, left. Never coming back
The last taste on your tongue,
Those lips that left you out of breath
Love,kiss of death.
I never though cutting would be so addicting, but blood so beautiful
Deep marvelish red, it’s quite pleasurable to watch the blood escape from the cut and rush down my arm as if it was trapped under my skin prision for eternity. I’m really quite envous ,as i wish to escape
Bitter feeling, freezing
Question? Life without reason
sleep without dreaming
Some touch for feeling
Others touch for pleasure
I, numb touch in curiosity
No one knows the unknown
Brings fear to their faces
The bright light when your eyes awake
Faded, faded into dark blue
Inevitable tears, soaked
been swimming in a drowning pool
Last breath, unconcious, death
The end to end.
Deeper deeper, love can kill
But so can loneliness, if the balance is unstill
It quite, so silent in a closed off room
But safe, from world harm
but you dream of the cold blade on your skin
War ,self inflicted
Battle wounds from your worse enemy
Lie on your skin, as solum love run deep
Blood drips from your entity
it feels strange, but a release
You cry, as they walk away and leave
im hurt, these wound are still fresh
Your selfish, disapointment from the rest
But please , don’t leave me with my enemy
Im weak, she want me dead
The pain wants […]
This pain is inevitable.
Im afraid it will never go away, it’s getting worse everyday. Im really conflicted to ignore the pain and work really hard to get my life on track or just to go through with a painful death. Either way pain is endorsed
The drugs and booze used to take the pain and horrible feeling away mommentarly, which help me compose myself sadness in public. I got out with my friends i dont want fo bring anyone down or annoy anyone with my empty sadness. Well blaze 🙂 ill be Numb for a few minutes but […]
Tonight was the night, i was planing on over dosing on sleeping pills but eveyone has made it very clear it nearly never works, im really dissapointed in myself cause i dont want to live anymore but it scary having to die, i guess the feeling scary to but i never felt it but i dont want to feel it, i think im thing it to much through ive read on dying on the last few day and starting to feel hopeless and more an more alone. but people made it clear my cry for help is not being heard i know some […]