I was only 6 years old when I was told I was to fat and my grandparents bribed me with $100 to lose 20 pounds… I did but little id I know this was just the beginning to my eating disorder…. Threw out schooling all the kids forced me to go on diets so I would look how they wanted and be like them so they did’t haft to been seen with ugly old me… After a while my parents joined into the torment… for as long as I can remeber I binged my problems away.. around grade 4 I started starving myself to be […]
I thought I was finally okay…
I had found the guy of my dreams…
He loves me scares and all…
He loves me for me…
He helps me up when I fall
And holds me close when cry
But i’ve slipped to far this time…
Farthest I’ve ever fallen….
I know I’m loved by at least one.
But each and everyday I feel
Self hate building stronger.
I’ve attempted to change myself…
Hateing the result each and every time…
I’ve tried to end it well over a hundred times….
But yet I’m still sitting here crying in pain…
The blood from my cuts seep down my wrist climbing over each scar…
He begs for me to not give up….
But this is […]
I found someong who loves me scars and all am I finaly feel A little bit happy again but sothing me still wants to cut even if i’m happy its lik i’ve done it so long it just feels right. If he ever found out he would probaly leave me but how am suppost to stop when thats always on my mind and every thing around me seems to be able to help me do it?! what am i suppost to do…
I look at my self in the mirror.
I see what I’ve done to myself.
I fall to my knees crying thinking.
What have I done to myself?!
I make up another lie.
I say im sick so I dont halft to go to school.
So people can’t see me like this again.
I read the stories about how bad other pelople have it.
Yes i have nice things and a roof over my head.
But in the end all i want is someone to hold me close
and tel me how much they care and love me
I had somthing close untill he killed […]
after everything iv tried i’m still here…. I don’t get it i’ve lost so much blood that i dident even know i could bleed this much. I’m broken down I can’t keep going like this. With spring here I wount be able to keepwring hoodies and lng sleve shirts so people wil start to notice and ill get sent away for “help” once again…. Why can’t I just end it for once and all! i mean as soon as they see my cutts they wil have more things to make fun of me with i alreddy get called a fag everyday… I don’t know […]
I thouht i was finaly done.. I felt happy that id b able to leave the pain of the world i thought for shure this time id bleed out and die for good. All i did was wake up with my arms coverd in blood…… for the people who commented on my last post. happy? im still here and in even more pain… its 2 am now hopfully if i try again ill bleed out by morrning.. so this time i hope its really goodbye..
yes im gay or as you like to say fag.. queer… fuity… lesbo… sick…. twisted… freak…… it’s who I am! im sick of everyone tellking jokes bashing me behind my back! im sick off crying and hiding from you sick people! you have ruind my life I havent gone a week without crying and cutting because of the things you say. Iv even swiched schools to get away from it all but it still all follows me. I’m reddy to end it all i’m running out of options…. I’m just going to end it i have nothing to live for anymore the only person i […]
To know that i was the one to drive you to kill yourself.
To know than us being in love was the thing keeping you alive..
To know that you never really wanted to split apart from me…
To know that all i had to do is stop and think befor i walked away…
To know i could of stopped you….. I know now i should of never walked away but now iv ripped you appart from everyone you loved and they will never see you again because of me…….
All i can say now is i’m sorry i was so blind and now i […]
You say you will always love me and even try to help me when you fid out iv been cutting again. You say you will always be here to help me. But in the end you never really cared did you. Now that i dnt have you since you wernt who you seemed to be the blood will start to flow again. My heart is crushed I ope you know and now for thatmy arm wrist must pay the price. You were the only thingkeeping me to his world and now all i can do is say goodbye..
I tryed manny times but never seems to work.. I don’t get why life needs to keep taunting me everytime i fail. Every night i bleed hoping not to awake the next morrning but i always do. My life might not be the worst some people might question me, but since a very young age iv always felt i don’t deserve to live. I may act like a happy smiling person but on the inside i am always crying and wanting to get away from it all. mabey some day ill finaly never wake up and end this agony once and for all.