I moved out of my mum’s house to get away and have a chance at living. There I was falling behind in school, and I had to raise both of my siblings and take care of them even though one was three years older than me. I did all the house work, cooking, and cleaning. I played Mum because no one else cared. Finally, ten months ago, I moved out and in with my aunt and cousins. I don’t know which place is worse. Everyone here hates me. I’m the ***** that moved in and ruined everybody’s life even though I’ve been generous and I share everything with them. My oldest cousin is the worst. I put up with his girlfriend and asshole attitude, the way he eats everything and steals all the sodas so no one else gets any even if you were the one who paid for them, and we use to be like best friends growing up and now he’s decided that we’re mortal enemies. He terrorizes everyone in the house, but if anyone says anything Mama Bear comes to defend her cub. One year, I made a joke about my cousin accidentally grazing my butt, and he got upset, and his mum came up to me in front of my friend, at my 11th birthday party and told me I was mean girl and no one liked me.
Even when I don’t say or do anything, my aunt likes to get me in trouble. Yesterday, my aunt, older cousin, and I were in the car to go get paint and I kept my mouth shut because I had gotten into a fight with my cousin the day before and I didn’t want to fight again. I said nothing the whole time, but got laughed at and horribly bullied by them both when they shut the trunk on my head when I was putting the heavy paint in the car. I still kept quiet, but when in a fight with my cousin tonight he revealed that his mum had told him that I mumbled some pissy comment about him in the car. I didn’t even open my mouth.
My younger cousin hates me because he doesn’t like when I tell him he’s wrong. He’ll talk to me about something in history and I’ll tell him that it didn’t happen the way he thinks, but rather it was the other group or whatever, and he’ll just fly off the handle. A lot of the times, he’ll get his brother in an arguing mood and then just leave the room so that I get yelled at. Everyone here just sets me up and is against me.
The only person in this house who likes me is my uncle, and that’s because he is my step-uncle, so he knows what my cousins are like without being like my crazy aunt who thinks her children are beasts, but not if anyone agrees with her. And he can’t do anything because everytime he tries to punish my cousins, my aunt tells them to ignore him.
I just can’t be here anymore. I wish I was never born. Why couldn’t I have been the child my mum aborted? Why do I have to exist, and why does this have to be my life? I have nowhere to go. My dad is a drunk who only wants me to visit so he doesn’t have to pay child support, and my grandma’s house is too small. I don’t have a job yet, and no one would rent to me anyway because I’m 18, just out of high school with no credit built. I think I’d kill myself if I wasn’t so afraid of the pain. Then I wouldn’t be the ***** that ruins everyone’s life because I wouldn’t be here anymore to ruin anything. They could even save money by not bothering to get my body and just letting me stay in a cardboard box down at the crematorium. Maybe they could just schuk me away to the looney bin, and then all they’d have to do is give up some money to keep me out of their lives. On top of it, I have no one to talk to. I can’t get out of this house to go to a mental health specialist, I can’t talk to family because they are gossiping back stabbers, and my boyfriend just gets annoyed whenever I try to talk to him about things. None of my friends talk to me since I moved, and I lost my cat a few months ago so it’s not like I could just vent to my cat and further the idea that I’m crazy. I’m not even allowed to keep a journal, or vent on Facebook with an extremely vague post even though no one reads them. I’m just lucky that no one thinks I’m depressed enough to be on this website, although this doesn’t help much. You’ll probably all say the common denominator is me and that maybe I really am a *****. I’m not though.
I’m falling apart, and there’s no one here to help put me back together. I guess that makes me Humpty Dumpty.