Last time I was on this site it was on July 11th (my birthday) when I tried to kill myself (I failed) and then I found a tiny glimpse of happiness. Now almost exactly 5 years later I find myself even more broken and on the verge of suicide yet again. That tiny glimpse of happiness I was talking about was my girlfriend we were together for 5 years. We were on and off but still remain close and basically still dated even tho we were on and off (if I’m making sense). Being with her filled me with so much happiness and I fell […]
Today is my 21st birthday … For some this day is a celebration , a time to enjoy with friends and cherrish it ppl that you consider precious and they consider you in the same magnitude…… But for me this day is one were i reflect on the things i am not doing in my life and i should been doing. I reflect on the causes of my loneliness, the will to go forward that seems to be slipping away and unhappiness/depression that i keep in secret , mostly because i have no one to talk to … I see no […]
Well ive finally built up the courage to end it, there zero chance things get better . its like i try to talk to about my problem and ppl including my own mom just toss aside how i feel my depression , everything like is nothing. I just feel alone, im playing to lose.if i feel angry or sad my own family looks at me like i have no right to feel that way . funny thing is me and my mom got in an arguement just now and she wished me death at least she thinks so too . well someones wish is going […]
I dont think anyone can hate me just as much as i hate myself . ive been rejected so many times for so long i honestly end laughing at myself because idk why im putting up with . i dont even know why i continue to look live with depression . someone that is alone like myself will never beat depression or ever find someone to care about me. Sometimes i just sit and imagine to myself how my life would be if i wasnt alone depressed or being with someone special to me but reality is always outside of my mind .im finally […]
I cant take it , depression , loneliness , suicidal thoughts , im finally caving in i give up ……hopefully i can go thru with it this time and end this loner life that live with depression
I was watching tv had a couple of laughs then went back to my usual depression when i rembered that i am alone and always been. Cant even sleep cus my own thoughts betray and remind that i am alone and reminding to never dare to hope because it will only lead to more self hate and to more suicidal plans that i try to get rid off but i just cant because its the only way to “get out” of my life. I used to think i could escape into my dreams and forget about my reality at least for a while but that […]
Turning 21 next month for some its a happy day that they look forward . for me its the day im going to leave this world if i get the strength. My drepression insomnia ,thoughts and loneliness really doesnt make me want to live to see 21. To me 21 means i get one less year on this earth if i were to stay on it . if the devil were real i’d sell my soul , no not for fame , money or material things i’d just to wish for one person who genuinely cares about me and tells me that i am somebody […]
Everyday I go through the motion’s in my life , the will to live is just not in me anymore. Alone, going through depression it seems like the only thing that can get a tiny small smirk on my face seems to be when I try to think about what if I was happy ,what if I had that someone special in my life, what if I was special to someone else or I was needed but I get mad at myself for even thinking that fit giving myself false hope that just doesn’t exist. I bottle my emotions in until night time where my […]
Feel so empty each day i get more lost in my thoughts , thinking “why me” i tried my best to think it would get better but i was just lying to myself. I realized that my life will consist of depression , loneliness and hiding this emotions that are making wish of painless suicide. I dont have anybody to tell me that i matter or hear my feelings. Wish i could dream and escape my reality . it is the only way i can cope until i get the courage to kill myself.