I don’t understand what is going on with me, I just don’t feel joy anymore. Okay I feel some sort of joy momentarily, for example when I see something super interesting or very funny, but these just last a couple of seconds. I don’t have interest in pretty much anything. And when I have the interest I cannot find the energy to pursue it, I’m indifferent to so many things. I’m looking back and seeing that the last time I was happy was back in 2011 or something. And one day in 2015 when I bought myself something that I wasn’t expecting to find. I […]
After about a month or so I’m back to SP with my suicidal thoughts. Is this a surprise? Of course not. Have been reading SP since 2011, 5 years. When will this end? When I accept what happens to me and move on (god forbid), or i do the right thing and end my existence. I hope the latter happens. Soon, clean and unpainful. I know I won’t do it though, I have too many unknowns about ending it.
Back to SP 🙂 I like this place. As I’m writing this I feel a warm feeling as if I’m home. I like you guys too, I […]
I’m back again in SP, well, of course. Never actually left. I’m in a strange mood in a bad way so I think this will be a ranting post of how undecided/unsure I am about some important things. Just going to number them, I like structure, haha.
I’m sure I should exit. This is the correct and logical decision for me. And I have some arguments that are pro and against which totally confuses me.
I can fail. Although my method is quite sure, there is always a chance. Most likely I will back out because survival instinct is a ..tch. Then it will be a huge […]
My friends father had a traffic accident and this made me thinking again what I always think about life.
That it is so random. Most important things in your life are decided by basically universe throwing a dice for you. Where you have born, to what kind of parents you have born, whether you were born with a serious defect/disease, whether you get a terrible disease later in life, your gender… list goes on.
One of the people I know, who had a good life and pretty successful, was sitting in her car waiting her husband, a tree near the road falls off on the car. Almost […]
I have been feeling alright for the last 2 weeks, didn’t have any massive anxiety or worries, I was able to enjoy the things that I usually enjoy. For people who knows the feeling it is a signal that your depression is away/lessened 🙂
Last Friday and this weekend was especially good, I even enjoyed food and considered doing some sports. Didn’t have any suicidal thoughts, which I have several times every day normally. So, lets say I was feeling good.
But of course it doesn’t stay like that does it, everything came back with full force again today. Anxiety again, worries again, writing here on SP […]
I feel much more comfortable during night time, I don’t know why exactly. It is silent outside, I don’t have anything that I have to do, just sitting in front of the computer doing one or the other of the many things computers let you to do. Of course it is just an escape from my mind and thoughts, but it is a good feeling. Night is almost over though. I wish the night never ended, that relaxed/relieved feeling never ended. I hope tomorrow won’t be a bad day…
Do we have any other way of connecting to people from SP? Like a chat room or channel? I thought I saw something like that a couple months ago here. Or maybe it is illegal or something, I don’t know.
This is one of the strange feelings I have about suicide. I easily believe that if I die by natural means or accident, I’ll simply perish forever. But if I try suicide I cannot imagine that I’ll be dead, I feel like I’ll survive somehow and end up in a worse situation. Even if I make sure that I do everything right, I cannot imagine that I’ll be able to kill myself. I feel like there is 0% chance of success. I feel immortal somehow.
Science and my logic says that this cannot be the case. If you make sure that you kill yourself, you’ll be […]
I wanted to say hi to all of you and wanted you to know that you are the most understanding people I know, and I’m grateful that you people exist and this website exists as well.
I also want to say that I’m definitely not here to encourage people or discuss methods or anything alike. I just want to be part of this community to share our feelings/experiences together. Together we will feel less lonely I believe.
I have been reading SP every now and then for the last 4 years, as the idea of suicide has been with me for that amount of time. My anxiety/depression […]