Author

meris

I'm a poet. i have 2 dogs, one cat. i i drive. and I love death.

I’ve been suicidal for a good few months. There’s no actual cause of my depression but circumstances make it 10x worse obviously. And it started back up after I quit my job, and then everything went down hill but what made it worse it seems is when I heard about a boy I had met briefly shot himself. When I heard about him shooting himself, i became obsessed with the idea of shooting myself, and ever since then, it would pop up from time to time but recently has gotten worse.

I don’t have a gun nor am I going to get one. I’ve been […]

5/8/2017 1 comment

overdose?

by meris 11/19/2014

written by meris

I’ve only i guess overdosed once but it was very pathetically. I don’t know if tylenol can kill you, or aleve. does anyone know if it can?

11/19/2014 6 comments

i can’t…

by meris 8/11/2014

written by meris

everything is crumbling beneath me, i’ve lost two jobs. me and my dad are getting evicted, and we have to move out by the 28th and we still haven’t found a house to live in. i wrecked my car the other day and the whole right side is totaled, then i found out, my windshield is cracked and now my battery is dead so we have to buy a new one. i’m sick of everything. and i’ve had close calls with attempting suicide again like one time, i was driving down the road and i was speeding and i almost just threw my car off […]

8/11/2014 4 comments

Instead of suicide

by meris 6/19/2014

written by meris

Since it’s not an option right now..i torture myself until I can’t torture myself anymore …anyone else?

6/19/2014 9 comments

I’m in a poetry mood…

by meris 6/11/2014

written by meris

Should I write a poem?? I don’t know…someone help me out. Hahaha

6/11/2014 1 comment

Hanging

by meris 6/10/2014

written by meris

I honestly see all these posts about how the short drop is the most painful and it takes a long time but is it really? I’ve tried partial suspension and that’s not painful at all. It’s just like pressure, that’s it. I do wonder how the short drop would take any longer and be anymore painful? I mean it still cuts off your circulation so you are bound to pass out, but i doubt it would take 5 min. Can someone explain??

6/10/2014 2 comments

Work and cutting

by meris 5/31/2014

written by meris

I’ve been cutting at work, probably not the best idea but I mean, I’m alone there for 10 hours a day with nothing to do but talk In a mic. It becomes inclusive at that point, I don’t know what to do anymore at this point. Grr

5/31/2014 1 comment

Sink or Swim (poem)

by meris 4/28/2014

written by meris

this poem could use some work but eh, i’ve had some writers block so

you and I are out in the sea
Lost and afraid, you look at me
I hold you close but pull you down
and look away as you start to drown

I watch you sink then start to swim
Remembering that it wasn’t me you loved, it was him.
the sun goes down and I’m all alone
Shivering in the dark blue water, i’m on my own

The storm approaches and the waves hit
I ask myself “is it time to quit?”
I kick and scream in desperate need
someone pick me […]

4/28/2014 2 comments

The hunt (poem)

by meris 4/8/2014

written by meris

NOTE:Â This really isn’t a good poem but i thought, i’d share anyway

Where are you?
I’m listening for you
closely and carefully, I watched you
I swore, i wouldn’t let you go
even when you insisted to do so

Hours pass on…

i still cannot find you. please come out and play
remember i told you, there is always a way
why do you hide?
is it because I cry?
or is because I know, you always lie?

The world still spins
make it stop
before I give up on my knee’s
and drop

no more running, come out where i can see
please, i beg of you..do not be […]

4/8/2014 4 comments

Work and pain

by meris 4/5/2014

written by meris

Last night, i worked 12 hour so i’ll be making $82 from that. sounds like a lot right, not really. Tomorrow i got to work again from 2pm to 8pm thankfully and i’ll probably be working by myself. Â there is this woman at my work, and she’s a supervisor, manager or something but basically she’s my boss and she’s definitely bossy but it’s sexy, you know? is it just me or does anyone else find bossy women sexy? she was giving me attitude and kind of pissed me off but i was turned on then she was talking to someone and stuck her ass out […]

4/5/2014 3 comments

Monster (poem)

by meris 3/31/2014

written by meris

This poem is kind of the same as last time except it’s more “in the moment” if anything. hope you enjoyed

I’m the girl chasing a dream
but underneath my human skin, i’m a monster
creating visions that are not to be seen
and spilling blood that’s not meant to be cleaned

I terrorize throughout the night
Tearing through their flesh and bone
and as i look for more victims to take,
i realize, I’ve been turned into stone

a stone cold killer, i guess you could say
but that still doesn’t make the pain go away
with every scream ringing in my ear
I continue hold them […]

3/31/2014 4 comments

that moment

by meris 3/28/2014

written by meris

when yiou drink the rest of hyour champagne and drink some whiskey and take you r medicine and end up bcoming so out of it, you ccan’ t even think. yeahhh. todahy has sucked. Â fucked up once again, …the girl i love is gone and her e i am, wishing i could take that razor and cut my vewin open…but i don’t have the strength…i’m too tired. i’m tired of everything. i have my first day of work tommorow that i’m probably foing to fuck up as well since i forgot eveerything. i need to sleep but no, i gots tio go get a […]

3/28/2014 0 comment

Murder (poem)

by meris 3/28/2014

written by meris

She’s on the floor, bleeding out
I thought she was dead, without a doubt
My honesty is brutal, I’m a killer without care
she could go missing, and i wouldn’t tell anyone, where.

I can hang you high or cut you low
but I’ll always make sure, you know
I can be cruel, I can be stiff but if i could, i’d jump off a cliff.

I’ll suffocate you in your sleep.
I’ll wait till midnight to bury you deep.
I’ll stop your heart, so it can’t beat
and i’ll shoot you once Â so you can cheat.

I’m a killer without a care
but I myself have been […]

3/28/2014 10 comments

i told her

by meris 3/28/2014

written by meris

I fucked up again, this girl emily (who i like) cut her wrist open again and i was the cause of it. I got drunk last night and told her she was just like my ex and that she didn’t a shit what she does to people and then she told “Meris. Before I go, you forgot where you met me. you met me at my worst but i covered it so well. i’m lying in a pool of my own blood and all i want to do is thank you for reminding me why i tried the first time” Â I told her from the […]

3/28/2014 13 comments

lost liar (poem)

by meris 3/26/2014

written by meris

She’s in a Forrest, stripped and scared
walking on the bones of Â people, who cared.
Spinning around in circles, she finds herself alone
running away from the thought, that she’s now on her own

AÂ jobÂ well done, she’s killed everyone around
now she’s begging to just hear a Â single sound
sticks may break, and stones may fall
but with the wounds in tact, she might as well crawl

No road to be found, No people to save
and they told her if she didn’t stop, she would be digging her own grave.
but she didn’t listen Â and she didn’t care
now she was wishing, everybody was […]

3/26/2014 8 comments

If you…..

by meris 3/25/2014

written by meris

If you failed at attempting suicide, did you try again? and why?

3/25/2014 9 comments

it almost happened….

by meris 3/21/2014

written by meris

I was comfortable and the pressure was tightening around my neck and i fell unconscious and woke up with my arms flapping around, i was almost there.

3/21/2014 17 comments

Loving the infinite

by meris 3/20/2014

written by meris

Our lies and Broken promises crossed paths
Tears and screams escaped our eyes
My love was something of nothing
a general mix of Â a dream and Â a reality

I let the blood drip, and My mouth water
but I did not cry aloud, for I did not need to be heard.
Thoughts, and thoughts, they fell ..but none of them, she caught
Fear surges throughout the air, the paranoia attaching to my past
She’s gone. i’m alone and the rope is tightening around my neck

Black and blue, unconscious and fine
I’ll remember, the times how you were all mine.
beautiful and sweet; wicked and cruel
It […]

3/20/2014 0 comment

It’s happening again ….

by meris 3/17/2014

written by meris

Okay so on 3/5/2014, i was admitted into a mental facility and this is my story of being in it (YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ)

Okay so mine was because i had well attempted suicide, my friend called the cops on me after she found out and this crisis lady gave me an option which by the way was stupid. she said if i didn’t talk to her…i would have to be admitted …but truth was, that I was going to have to be admitted anyway because I had attempted suicide and like the only way, i wouldn’t be admitted was if she thought, i was […]

3/17/2014 4 comments