I…Im so sad and tired and angry and so much more. I seem to make myself unhappy every single day. I don’t know why. Nothing is getting better and it never will. “It’ll get better when you’re older.” Lies. 4 years and nothing has gotten what you call “better”. Lies. I don’t believe it. I never will.
I feel so fucking dead. It’s like I’m just an empty sad little ghost walking around. I don’t eat. I can’t sleep… I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want everything to be over..
In the past month my life seems to have gone from about a five (being ok and slightly happy) to a zero real quick. Almost all my friends have moved and I am actually alone for the first time in a while. I almost forgot how terrible the feeling was. Everyday day I’ve been repeating in my head “I wanna shoot myself, I wanna shoot myself, I wanna shoot myself, I wanna shoot myself, I wanna shoot myself..” I’ve also started to imagine me killing myself at school in the bathrooms or somewhere like that and wondering if anyone would actually care. But its not like they would…they don’t […]
It turned out pretty good! Can’t wait to turn it in and make faces happy again!!
So I was asked to paint some Disney Princesses on a ceiling tile for a children’s hospital. It’s been 4 hours and I’m no where near finished but I’m happy to have this opportunity and something to keep me busy for a day or two. It has Princesses Ariel, Tiana, Jasmine and Mulan on it and it says (or will say) “Once upon a time, there was a princess and she lived in N.R.H” N.R.H. stands for National Rehabilitation Hospital. I think it’s […]
I’m really bored and I have a bunch of work I should be doing but don’t wanna do. I was drawing something but gave up in the middle of and stared watching Bleach and I REALLY WANT TO FINISH IT but i have so many episodes left to watch. I need to keep myself busy. What do you like to do to pass this time of boredom?
it’s amazing how they told me, when i was younger, that i won’t feel this way forever. They always told me that it will get better and that i should stay strong. Well, I can’t stay strong forever and things are only getting worse. I don’t know how long I can hold on…
I remember talking to a friend about the way i felt. They answered “Maybe life just isn’t for you.” This broke me but maybe they were right…All I know now is that it had never gotten better, so why would it now?
“Why did you try to kill yourself?”
“You told me to be happy..”
I answered;
the scariest part
is not the feeling of loneliness
o the darkness that fills you
despite the looming pain of emptiness
the scariest part
is the realization
that you have lost yourself
completely
sinking as you lay awake at 2am
because you lost the ability to sleep
and you can’t even cry
because you don’t even care
I was on the brink of turning to self harm once again for the second time this week (I’ve been trying extremely hard not to only because warmer seasons are coming up and its annoying when I get weird looks from people -.-) and i noticed how many fucking razor blades i have………..35…..idk…..i have a ton…..o-o…is this bad?? I know i need help but i just don’t want to get any let alone make my parents even more angry at me because they have to pay for therapy for their worthless little daughter.
I never really had a problem with people abandoning me because of what had happened to me a couple years ago. I was 10 years old when my best friend passed away due to an asthma attack. I was so devastated and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to go on with my life now that my only friend had gone.
I never wanted to get out of bed and i especially struggled when it came time for me to go to school. I lost so much weight and by the age of 11, i started cutting. I didn’t know how else […]
This week has been completely terrible for me but then again everyday is kinda bad for me. I’ll always be able to find something to make me more upset than i already am. I’ve been thinking more than i usually do on a daily basis. I’m 16 right now and a sophomore in high school. everyone’s is telling me that i need to make a decision about what Im going to do in the future. What classes I should take to benefit my future, what college i need to go to. what career I am interested in and etc. there’s only one profession I’m interested […]
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