Milestiba
I don’t write much because it takes my phone forever on this site to type on a post. Infuriating!! Commenting is easier. So my post is in comments below.
I don’t matter here
I don’t matter there
I don’t matter anywhere
Hope I never wake up again
I put off asking for help for months because of a doctor’s treatment in Fall 2015. So a few weeks ago I asked for help instead of risk organ failure with another failed OD. And they put me in that same hospital and I was assigned to the same doctor. I really wished I had just OD’d. He’s arrogant, has a God-complex and even the staff called him an a**hole. I only began to comply because they forced me to appear before a judge. But I just spent the whole last week lying just to get discharged. Now I am home and no better off. […]
I went to group yesterday and today with a bag of clothes to go to the hospital. Yesterday, I could not bring myself to talk to the therapist. I have been on my phone every night with two and three different crises lines. But I always say that I will be safe even with the racing thoughts and plans to attempt suicide.
Today, I asked the therapist how do you push across the point of knowing you need help to actually taking it. She told me that the only person who could answer that question was the one asking it. She thanked me for coming to […]
Every night for the last week I have not been able to sleep at night. Mind racing and emotions running crazy. Each night I have been on the phone with two and three different crises lines. Just barely holding on. So yesterday I dipped in to my supply of old psych meds. Today I went to group high as hell. Therapist thought I was going through a med change. Yeah sure.
I am so stupid. All my life, I have measured my worth on the comments. Now, with social media, it is exemplified.
And I am a blood sucking parasite. I suck the life out of those who show me any attention. I can’t help myself. It is an addictive compulsion.
They tell me it is explained as Borderline Personality Disorder, but I call it torture. Both for me and the other person. The world would be better off without me.
Where can I find the resolve to finally commit suicide? The pain is all-consuming… overpowering… causing constant despair.
Hi. I am new.
They sure don’t make it easy to get on here. I first registered an account, but found out that email provider had deleted my account. Without being able to check that email account, I couldn’t get a password. So I registered a second account and never got the email. Then I reset the password and THAT email finally came through. So, I could sign in and try and participate. But then, of course, the internet on my phone acted up!! For a person who spent the last three nights on the phone with more than one crises line each night – the […]