So here is another part of my story. I was a virgin until a year ago. I had never have a bf or kissed a guy or even touch one in a close way. But some people told me I should try sleeping with someone to at least know how it felt. Because I am an old woman and so. and i thought I shouldn’t die without at least kissing someone. It sounds stupid as I write it.
So I followed suite as my brother was on tinder and I opened a profile there. I don’t know where people get to know other people but i […]
So I decided this time I was going to talk to my family about my being down the hill. I can’t remember why, it sounds selfish, but then no one may say I didn’t try it all…
My family is a mess. I grew up watching my mother crying in desperation almost every day because of her feeling lonely and impotent and not knowing how she was going to make it with so many kids (4). But we weren’t supposed to acknowledge knowing she was crying. I don’t remember what I though about it, but I remember it felt really bad. I remember that by then […]
Drawing fills me with anxiety and it’s something that’s really hard for me. It’s hard to explain. I once tried to become an illustrator, but thought it was going to be complicated if I had to be self-employed, economically unestable and had to deal with my depression at the same time. I don’t have the discipline needed. I felt I wasn’t good enough. It turned me nuts, couldn’t handle it and I had to quit.
But I’ve been drawing a little again this month. And it worked for me today after feeling really down. I am better after being distracted drawing. Did it for hours. It […]
There’s this book that’s really something. ‘What has no name’ by Piedad Bonnet.
It’s about how a mother reads and comprenhends her son’s suicide as a search for peace and freedom, and it’s based on what really happened. I don’t know how many books may talk about real cases like this one, but I really think this author has a lot to say. Her son was sick, he suffered squizofrenia, but even if you can’t relate to that desease I think this book is worthy…
It goes like this (just a few paragraphs):
Daniel died in New York the 14th of may of 2011, at one and ten […]
I am not being able to work. I have been in a crisis for six months and I was being able to face work. But this days it’s becoming more and more difficult. I am scared right now.
I get this strong sensation quite often. An emptiness of positivism, a desperation, and a need to hide and stop thinking and feeling. Several things trigger it. But very few can make it disappear, and those are never the same. Like if the damaged part of me is always defeating the one that is trying to feel better. Little victories that wont sum up. You see, it’s as if I wanted the damaged part to win, but then I don’t know where the other one comes from. So the reality is the fighting one is stronger than I thought. But this battle is taking away […]
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