It’s 3 in the morning, and I’m not doing anything except listening to music because everything else is so boring, so pointless.
The things that I used to enjoy becomes so mundane.
I’m so scared taking of my headphones and go to sleep.
I’m afraid the silence will be deafening.
“There’s so much I could be doing.
So much that I want to do—even if I don’t know what it is that I want to produce.
But I can’t go faster than I’m already going and I’d rather die than stop but… where else is there to go?
I’m so… so scared of lying still and yet too mortified to switch gears.
Now all I do is linger.
In bed.
At the dinner table.
In the shower.
Everything happens but me.
And if it keeps up, I’m going to die this way… having gone in every direction
—but not having reached a single finishing line.”
I’m not even depressed right now but I don’t know what happen and what I’m going to do with my life which makes me want to kill myself. My major in college turns out have nothing to do with my passion that I found out later but I can’t  just drop out or my family will be furious. I’m stuck with my life I hate. I want to chase my dreams even it means I need to start over and leave everything behind, have a minimum wage job (as long as I still can pay my bills, eat, having a roof above my head and […]
You know that character from movie or story that always make a mistakes and screwed up even at a simplest task? I’ve become that person. I don’t know why but I feel whatever choice I make or anything I do always end up wrong.
Is there any connection between my stupidity and my (self diagnosed, I haven’t go to psychologist) Bipolar Disorder?
This whole ordeal makes me think that I don’t belong here and it feels bad, that I think if I were gone, everything would be so much better without me.
I used to be the one stuck on the sidelines-
but lately things have started to change
I would’ve never thought that being the way I am could make everything end up this way
this is never what I would have expected
there is nothing wrong but they still want me corrected
why can’t they just let me do what I do
I’m not hurting anyone so why are they?
how could they try and change who I’ve always been
what did i do wrong? IÂ never wanted any of this
I’m sorry if I ever offended any of them, but I am who I am,
there’s not much more that […]
“I’m gonna be stuck here forever.
No one can help me.
It’s like you’re invisible, even though you do everything as loudly and as brightly as you can in their very faces.
They just don’t want you to be a part of their lives, so that even your own home feels like a cold place where you’re not wanted.
So they send you away, and it takes every ounce of strength in your heart and soul to go against the flow, to smile because you have to, because the only pony who can ever bring your spirits up is yourself, and you know it…â€
I have this weird urge to randomly smashing my head at random place and time
I am thankful for my misery when it is consistent, because I already do not feel I deserve what I have, and can only see my life getting worse.
I keep thinking what am I suppose to do? What is the purpose of all of this? Where do I come from? What should I do? Am I just another insignificant entity? Is it true that this universe where made from nothing? If it true, then all of this is for nothing too? So everything in here is because an accident? Because there is a coincidence that my great great great great great great great great (go on) grand parents met so I’m here? Without a purpose? Without a goal? I’m just here (POOF) and then die eventually because that’s it, I can’t fail because […]
I’m not afraid of being laughed at. I just think that, even if I do my best now, I still may not be able to reach my goal. No… I know the chance of success is way too low. Knowing that, why would I even try?! Why don’t I just living my life like this ’till the end?
I’m tired, overwhelmed, uninspired, afraid, hurting, uninspired and I don’t know how to get past it. I might not even know what it is I’m trying to get past. I try something new only to spin my wheels. I’m living my life on repeat, with the same worn out patterns and themes playing again and again.
At first, I thought there is something wrong with me, then I found out why but no ones care and I realize the real problem.
I’m at the point where I can’t make a difference between right or wrong since I fight the urge to accept that controlling someone’s else life is a right thing to do.
I am full of anguish and regret for everything I have done and I sometimes wonder if it is worth it to live.
Living day to day is the only way I can go on because thinking about my future is the saddest thing I can imagine.
I am thankful for my misery when it is consistent, because I already do not feel I deserve what I have, and can only see my life getting worse.
The most basic expectations of the world and responsibilities of adulthood paralyze me with fear and cause me to realize what a thoroughly pathetic individual I am.
Every morning I lie in bed trying to find a reason to get up, or something to look forward to. I never find one.
I consciously avoid thinking about old friends who have abandoned me or been driven away by my terrible nature and the notion of seeing them again makes me suicidal for all the thoughts it would force upon me.
When I look in the mirror, I am disgusted with the person I see staring back.
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