I’ve been coming down with something lately . And I’m so tired . I can’t stay awake in class either. This week has been shitty. I’m sad, but I’ve got a job interview this weekend. I’m excited. It’s the only thing giving me hope at the moment .
Today was absolutely horrible . I’m in the verge of tears . I can’t wait to get home and cry in my bed.
It just started with waking up. Monday’s are hard to wake up to . I hate leaving bed .
Then class . My dental assisting teacher fucking pisses me off . She expects me to know everything and anything . I was taking X-rays on a mannequin (it’s so hard) and I was trying to make sure they were perfect so I could show her . She came in after 15 minutes and asked me how long am I gonna take ?! She […]
Is it bad that I’m not sad ? She wants to die and I hope she can soon . She is handicap so she only sits on her bed all day . And the fact that she hid her breast cancer until now shows she wants to die . Of course I would be sad if she died , but she would be in peace . Her husband and all her friends are dead so she doesn’t have much left .
I know she’s annoyed to be in the hospital . I’d rather her be home . But the breast cancer is so bad … […]
My friend called me to go to the beach and go see the water and trails and it was so cold , about 25 degrees . But I got some good pictures . Here’s some
happiness to share with you all 🙂 it was gloomy out but the water was pretty .
Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset
I feel like this sadness has taken over all of who I am .
I just had a terrifying dream. These demons were always around me and watching me and I could see them whenever I looked into the mirror. Then one of them came for me. I thought they were gone but I looked into the mirror to see myself and she was behind me then looked at me and came for me . She poured this stuff in my mouth and duct taped my mouth and proceeded to put a bag on my head. I think I was about to die then I woke up.
I was scared as fuck when I woke up. It felt real. […]
I’m breaking down tonight. Feeling alone through this all makes everything harder .
In my English course we had to do a research paper on something . I’m really interested in alternative medicine vs. allopathic medication (what we use here). I found some super cool stuff – it can also help depression.
Aromatherapy – different aromas can alter your mood . I actually tried this and bought different essential oils and smelled them . I could see a change . You can even put the oil on your skin , behind your neck and on your wrists . It some how changes your mood . Super cool
Traditional Chinese medicine(TCM)- needle therapy/massage therapy .
With acupuncture, they think […]
Today I’m feeling like nothing . Nothing has entertained me today. Or made me
Happy . I came home from class and slept for hours . It’s like nothing even matters anymore.
Class started again today . We went in the clinic to learn X-rays . I literally cannot stand the people there .I usually just work alone . I work best that way anyways.
It’s so hard to think in class when I can only think about how tired I am . I can barley keep my eyes open. I sleep so much so I dont understand why I can’t be awake . This has such an impact on me . I feel like I have the capability to do nothing .
I like to sleep . I imagine that’s what death is like . Black . And […]
There are so many ways to help yourself other than stuffing your self with pills and seeing a therapist . I’ve never done either of those so I don’t really know what it’s like , but I have friends that tell me self therapy is so much better and that is ….
Art.
I’ve been recently starting calligraphy . It’s so interesting .. And hard . & it’s beautiful .
For Christmas my mom bought me a zen coloring book too . And it’s nice because I’m just paying attention to coloring in between the lines .
I think art is a good way to help yourself . It’s […]
Since we’re all depressed and probably don’t have better things to do … Here’s some great movies to watch on Netflix . I love quirky independent movies more than the big ones that come out in theaters.
1. Before I disappear – about a guy who’s about to kill him self , but gets a call to take care of his neice instead .
2. October baby- about a girl who figures out her whole life is a lie . She looks at the bright side
3. About Alex- about a guy who’s friends never check up on him , tries to kill him self , fails and […]
This shall be interesting .
I wish people cared more for others instead of just worrying about themselves .
I wish I could meet someone who doesn’t see me as a sexual item (including men and women , they’re both just as bad). I feel like whenever I go, people just see me as this dumb girl who will give her self up to someone so easily .
Fuck, I just wish someone was infatuated with my mind instead of my body. I want to have deep conversations with people. I want to talk about things people are passionate for. I don’t mind someone thinking I’m beautiful , but I don’t want […]
I’ve been in bed all day . I feel absolutely nothing.
Except sadness . I wish I had people that loved me , friends .
Anything to make a light brighten inside me .
I can’t stay home any longer. I think I am going to go downtown and get coffee and see if people are playing music . I love it down there . In the arts district. People just play jazz on the streets. No one pays them any mind except me .
That’s how I feel. No one pays me any mind .
Today is hard . I wish my time was up.
I’m writing this and it’s early as fuck.
I can’t sleep. I just made a grilled cheese too an it was great. Early in the morning is when my thoughts are crazy.
I was thinking about how I feel like the day I die my soul will finally find peace . It will be a relief . I’ll finally get to rest. I wish the day could come sooner.
I was also thinking about a afterlife . I wouldn’t say that I believe in God , but I believe in something . I hope there is something after this world . Maybe this life is hell? There has […]
I want to know who thinks assisted suicide is right or wrong ?
In my opinion , I think if someone would like to die, then so be it . Some of us will never escape this darkness.
Instead of having a excruciatingly depressed life one can die. Now that seems more humane to me than keeping someone alive that suffers from so much pain .
I wish that ******** was legal here. I used to spend months online looking for countries that can ship it to the US. It’s almost $1000 dollars though and I don’t have that kind of money .
I’m ready to die. I […]
I realized last night in the blitz of all the chaos of the party that I will never be happy . My god I am the most depressed person on this planet .
I wanted to kill my self last night . I drove home even though I was a little drunk but I’m a perfect driver . I wanted to drive off the road and crash into something . But I couldn’t do it . And I went home to lay in bed .
I wish I had done it .
This year has been the worst year of my life . This year I changed my ways , started reflecting on my self & thinking differently , and saw the world differently than I used to . I changed to be a better person but it really had an impact on me. I used to hang out with the wrong crowd and get into trouble. I took my self away from all that madness . And I realized I wasted all my teenage years with the crappiest people . So this year was a reflective year on my self . And it was a hard […]