nonserviam

i’m afraid of everything lately

i feel scared all the time

scared of falling apart, of breaking down in front of people that don’t know me like that

but i feel the need to fall apart too,

it drags me down, wears my bones and i get tired, tired, tired

i’m just so exhausted and whenever i say this,

no one seems to understand that i meant being tired of life

of everything.

i am so tired.

i feel so weak too, like i can collapse any given moment

and i feel it all the time

everyone keeps yelling at me

screaming about my grades, about my attitude, about my friends, about my habits

and whenever my lungs […]

i can’t think

i can’t fucking get my brains to work like how i want them to work

i can’t think and it’s affecting the rest of my body

i am crumbling, shaking, breaking

my chest hurts because my heart tries its best to keep beating when i don’t want it to

my eyes feel heavy because i deny myself the sleep i really need

i’m tired

my limbs feel weary with every step i take

i try to drag myself towards a future people say i deserve,

but do i need that?

i don’t want a future at all

i just wish to go

and still i keep myself breathing

i keep myself alive and well

what do […]