I tried to kill myself earlier today by downing a bunch of pills. I haven’t seeked treatment yet and I know that I made a mistake doing that. I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t want to hurt my family. I’ve been hospitalized for being suicidal before, I tried to get help then, but they ended up sending me to child protective services because I wasn’t safe to go home and I’m scared I’m going to be sent back there again if I go to the hospital. I know I should go to the hospital, but I’m really scared. I know I’m going to do damage to my body if I don’t seek treatment, but that is what I wanted. I just don’t want to live anymore. I really need someone to help me; I’m scared.
I’m done with life now. It’s never going to get better. I’m going to try to enjoy what I have left of the vacation with my family but after I get back to school in September, if all goes the way I’ve planned, I’ll be dead. I just can’t keep living, life will never be worth it, I will forever be a waste of space. I was thinking of just slitting my wrists after downing a bottle or two of Tylenol or a similar over-the-counter medicine. I’ve heard how painful and hard it is to overdose but at this point I’m real desperate.
I tried getting help by seeing the appropriate people in school but it obviously hasn’t been very effective. Another year of living in misery is just too much for me to go through again, for the sixteenth time. I hate to do this to my family, but they’ll get over it eventually, right?
So I guess bye.