onthefringes

I’m feeling rushed. I made a goal of killing myself before Christmas, and it seemed like a good date. But every other day or so, I get this feeling of anxiety that’s scaring me. It’s making me feel like I’m going to die before I’m ready for it. It’s really a mix of anxiety and fear.

My stepdad got a .44 caliber and I’ve been listening to what he says. I think it’s in a locked drawer in his room.

I had the dream a few nights ago. I was in my brother’s room, and my mother comes in and starts telling me all these strange rules and restrictions I’ll have from then on. A while later, I realized that I had told her I was suicidal, and instead of trying to heal me, she wanted to tie my hands so I couldn’t do it. That’s when I knew that if I told anyone in my real life that I was planning this, they’d stop me and hold me down until I couldn’t breathe.

So I can’t tell anyone. If I did, I would have made […]

I know I’m going to kill myself.  Looking at everything life has to offer, it simply isn’t worth it to me. I haven’t set a date or anything, but the days where my head feels heavy and I can’t stop thinking about my death are occurring more and more frequently. My family is a healed-broken mess and I don’t have anyone to talk to.

The thing is, my life doesn’t suck enough for people to understand my thoughts. I think so too. My life is pretty good, comparatively, but there’s many things wrong at my core that’s just killing me. My inability to communicate successfully with […]