orangish

I think I’m at the cusp of dissociating. Too much shit happens too fast and it’s like being caught in a whirlwind, only without the cool wind and debris flying past you. If only…

So where to begin?

So, I have these cats.

One of them has a broken tooth or something and I need to drag hm in to a vet because seeing him how he is is breaking my heart, but a vet bill is expensive. Sometimes I think I should just get rid of the cats altogether – it’d make everyone’s life easier, although it’d be removing one of the few things that gives me […]

What is it…?

That’s my answer, too.

I love the whole album that track is from – it’s easy for me to relate to the main character in the story. My life’s so mind-bogglingly fucked that I can’t even understand simple concepts like love; I can understand hate, anger and violence, though. That’s pretty much it. Anything outside that spectrum is alien to me.  And it leads up to…

Who do I want to be? It doesn’t matter if I already know who I am.

Finally, this shit makes sense to my crustacean mind. What happened yesterday was a new experience; when it happens again today, it’s old, tired, and irritating more than anything else. Each repeated detail, each old, stretched-too-thin moment that echoes with long-past experience just creates a ruckus that stimulates a migraine. It’s hollow cymbals beaten on by angry toddlers, and ain’t no way to make them quit it. You just grit your teeth and bear it. Every single day, what should be new is just a rerun of a past episode, and the humdrum routines seem to have no end.

So fuck it.

Might as well sleep in […]

I’ve gotten tired of posting because I feel as if all I ever do is talk about one or two issues that bug me, which make me feel like a broken record. Work, money, jobs, careers, employment, vocation, occupation; I hate them all with a passion. And all of them are essentially one thing; work, productivity, financial worth, personal marketability, merit, utility.

When I was a kid, I grew up watching both my parents toil away from one job they hated, to another job they hated, to another job they hated…. and ever since I was old enough to work myself, I’ve repeated that trend with […]

Standing alone in a crowd is a way of life. I can feel a wind blowing, making its spiral dance amid the bodies, leaves drifting from nowhere to nowhere again. It’s a forest of people and I’m one tree. Roots all intertwine beneath the soil, feeding on the same poisons, the same nutrients.

There is a river nearby, but the rivers in this forest are concrete, and the fish that swim in them are mechanical things that cough smoke into the air.

The riverbed is cracking under the heat of the sun.

Paint is crumbling off houses, revealing rotting wooden planks.

They should have used vinyl siding.

It lasts longer.

Miaow.

…the only thing left will be the lima beans.

Because nobody likes lima beans.

Yech.

Sorry. I couldn’t think of anything else to post, yet I wanted to post something. Also, I’m insane.

I’m an intelligent ape living on a strange mote of dust floating around within an arm of the milky way galaxy. My genetic makeup has grown out of countless generations of intelligent apes who have adapted and strove to adapt to their environments. Recently in the history of this odd ball of water and dirt, the intelligent apes have created hugely concentrated dwelling spaces and packed lots and lots of themselves together within particular geographic areas they call, “cities.”

So we all fight for dominance in close quarters, removed from our natural habitats, and vie for the attention of prospective mates or life partners. Everything is […]

What do you expect?

Expectations are based on past experience, but as the old saying goes, past results are no guarantee of future returns. Sometimes expectations get in the way. Sometimes you don’t understand the irrationality of your own expectations, and don’t know how not to hold onto them as if they were your safety blanket. They’re comforting; they seem to predict the future and tell you which way not to go, because when you’ve taken those courses in the past, storms have overtaken you. The problem is, on the other side of those expectations, there lies a goal you wish to reach, and the only […]

…that I keep for myself is silence.

It’s snowing for the first time this season, and I feel that winter insulation already – peaceful, relaxing, soothing. I love snow. I hope we get 20 feet of it this season.

Ever have one of those days where you just want to smash every goddamn thing, take it and burn it?

I’d like the earth to spiral into the sun.

Nuclear holocaust.

Zombie apocalypse.

I don’t give a shit what happens; it’s the end result I’m concerned with.

Everything is a fucking joke, isn’t it?

Why do people get up in the morning? Why does anyone care?

I’ll tell you a story.

There was a beast who lived in the middle of a wasteland. This wasteland never received any rain, and the sun baked it until the ground cracked and all plant life died from the lack of water.

The beast was very small, with two heads. Each head hated the other and they would bicker at each other, the one trying to kill the other, all day long. The first head was aggressive and refused to relent. The second head was passive and refused to attack.

After […]