I’m trying to adopt a state of mind that centers around human experience; something realistic, rather than negative or positive. Something beyond that simplistic dichotomy. Emotions exist; sadness is no less real than happiness; happiness is no less real than sadness. Pain is no less real than pleasure, and vice versa, and what one might want to describe as “bad,” is not necessarily so. It simply is.
Maybe I should convert to Buddhism.
Anyone know any good monastic sects in the midwest United States?
That’s a joke, by the way. I dislike organized religion. I don’t enjoy having to accept uncertainty, but I dislike blind certainty just as much.
I fall off kilter from time to time, and land in a mire of anxiety and malaise. That’s when words like, “good,” “bad,” “better,” “worse,” get summoned back into my perspective. They’re like demons with pitchforks at the ready, waiting for a moment to strike at unwary victims. “I felt better yesterday, I feel worse today.” “Is it even possible to feel better all the time? When I feel good, it never lasts for long.” It’s all irrelevant; why should how I feel, or how I might feel in the future, concern me so much? What’s to be afraid of?
Maybe all my teeth will fall out, I’ll go bald, and get a lazy eye. That kind of reality would bother me, but only if I actually cared about how I look, and everyone eventually loses what physical appeal they may have. I see no point in worrying about transient things (that doesn’t mean I don’t – I’m still learning not to care). Being judged for those transient features (either positively, or negatively) tends to annoy me. It shouldn’t even annoy me; It should simply disinterest me. I’m human; ergo, imperfect and sometimes inconsistent.
I still think a lobotomy would help resolve that problem. My brain is always trying to kill me somehow. I’d love to poke it with a sharp stick. 😛
10 comments
Really, It’s all stuff that happens and there’s no use in defining it because it’s all stuff. Sounds like a good way of looking at it.
I think I know what you mean.
Its when you start to talk about it you know there’s a problem. Everyone moans but they dont always realise they are fixating. I know exactly what im doing and thats a problem. Not really searching for a solution and instead trying to explain why something is a problem and then wallpapering over it because it’s fatal, so difficult to come to terms with. That doesn’t change anything, it’s still there. But when you look for reasons it’s often the simplest one that’s overlooked because it’s the most difficult to accept:
I wasn’t very good.
I’m surprised at some of the people you find on suicide sites. I would say like you but i dont suppose encouragement really helps much. I think they are better than that. They might say the same about me but there’s a difference. I don’t really have very much to live for. Not for myself anyway. Suicide always seems like a bad decision when it’s someone else.
I think I should comment less. I didn’t want to ruin yet another perfectly good post. I think I’ve done that a lot. I account for more comments on this site than anyone else. That doesn’t even take into account my aliases.
It’s a big problem but like I said being on this site is more a symptom than a cause. It probably wasn’t a good idea but I was in decline. For the last few months theres been absolutely nothing there.
Anyway, this post might have gone unanswered.
I would have very little to live for, were I living for anything. My beef is the idea that there needs to be a purpose; that conditions must be such, and anything less is intolerable. I have to live outside social norms, and the only way to be at peace with that is to be at peace with what is. That’s no guarantee that I won’t start dwelling on suicide as a reasonable alternative again (I’m not so much doing that these days), but by breaking free of whatever demands and expectations I’ve projected onto the world, I can actually be content for once. That measure of contentment, of course, varies day by day.
I happen to appreciate it when you comment, Duke. And you’re probably right; this post is one that’s likely to be ignored, so I equally appreciate that you took the time to write out a reply for me. 🙂 I’m always surprised at some of the people who end up on sites like this, so I can totally understand what you mean there.
I think that being content is what most strive for but few achieve. It’s overcomplicated by psychological barriers, insatiable desires and then there’s everything else.
As long as you are comfortable with the way you live that’s all that matters. The only reason I resorted to philosophy was because I went too far into the abyss and had to try and correct it. Otherwise I never would have clouded my mind with stuff that doesn’t really serve any purpose in the real world. Living should be natural and instinctive. Shouldn’t need to analyse it or read a manual for guidance.
Have you ever read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, orangish? I can’t say if I recommend it as I’m only just starting to read it, but I think it might be something you’d find interesting based on this post.
The Buddhists believe that we’re in a constant state of change. Its all temporary. Good, bad, whatever, its all a series of moments strung together. Like a flowing river; it seems like the river is flowing in a stationary location, but the individual droplets are constantly moving towards whatever destination they eventually reach.
I’m not into organized religion either, but I like the idea of just going with the flow.
(I might have smoked too much weed as a youth).
I’m not in to Buddhism But if i could come back i would be a tree.
Your not a flower dude. So. Se a DR get some hormones in you. Or if some shit not working get it fixed.
Your miss in out. Or what happend. Not good enough or heart break.?
Lust is stronger than love. If i came back as a tree i would be pissed. But not have the hasel.
@Duke: Sentience is bound to cause complications; words just make things that much worse. Living should be natural, but I don’t think it is for any member of the human race. Just “being” is a strange concept if you’ve a mortgage to pay, work-schedule to maintain, and groceries to buy. It’s all about finding a balance, and that balance is admittedly difficult to hold on to.
@TheGoodGirl: I do know the concept of emotional intelligence, but never read the book. I’ll have to check it out. What do you think of it from what you’ve read so far?
@lucy4: That’s definitely where I get it from, too. Tons and tons of reefer and listening to too much Bob Marley. 😉
@Donnie: What kind of tree would you like to come back as?
Some handle pressure better than others. In many ways life is a lot easier now than it was before we had to do any of those things. Our quality of life might not be sustainable without some sort of order but that’s not to say the process is unnatural. It’s still survival.
I would totally come back as a tree, too: an Eastern Catalpa. They have these incredibly large leaves and beautiful white flowers. I love them. I have two in my yard and they made seeds, so I am thinking of growing a few more.
I love this, orangish “I dislike organized religion. I don’t enjoy having to accept uncertainty, but I dislike blind certainty just as much.”
I so dig what you are saying. Blind certainty isn’t for me in any way. My hat’s off to the people who can do it, but I just can’t.
Hello Orangish,
I don’t believe we have been formally introduced…ahem. Just an old steezing hippie chick here. Pass the leftie eh? Ahhhh
Myself I am Gnostic…which is not a religion…unless it is a religion of One…me. I also have lived a lifestyle of “voluntary simplicity” for the past 10 years or so. A near death experience turned my life upside down and made me start to question everything…much like it appears you are. Random thought…ever listen to any of George Carlin’s stuff…watched his schtick on suicide earlier today…and even made suicide seem rather absurd…hahaha I digress…okay mayhap a wee too much herb..haha but seriously….can’t seem to escape that duality no matter where you turn…and everything becomes a dichotomy…so I have less and smoke more…ahhh
@GoodGirl…weren’t you starting that book months ago? hahahaha this doesn’t bode well for my expected email now does it?…hahaha Did you get my doughnut description?
@Lucy4….Is there really such a thing as too much weed? Just curious.
Love to All
Ama
that’s “Auntie Ama” to you GoodGirl..hehe