otherside

I don’t understand why more people don’t understand that.

So F’d up that it isn’t worth talking about. Absolutely pointless to live.

I don’t have the energy to get everything in order. I don’t want to leave a bunch of loose ends, but I can’t concentrate at all. Not even to write a note.

I don’t even know what day it is anymore. I’m up all night and sleep all day. This is the week I’d planned on doing it.

I’m so disappointed in myself for ignoring all of my responsibilities. I’m putting such a large burden on everyone I know, and that should be the reason that I want to kill myself, not my own feelings.

I stay on the computer too much, as if something magical is going to jump out of it and make life better.

I’ve been telling myself that I’m going to change, but I feel paralyzed.

This has gone on for so long that I’ve ruined my life. There I am worrying about myself again.

It looks like it will be a little less than two weeks for me. I’ve started by trying to put things in order. I wish my family wasn’t going to have to clean up the loose ends that I leave behind.

I don’t know why I’m posting here except that you’re forced into secrecy if you really want to do this.

Everything is very surreal right now.

I have schizophrenia.

I don’t have anything hateful to post, and I don’t blame anybody. I’m mentally ill and 44 years old. I have been suicidal all of my life, but in the past few years I lost my job/career, my home, and my family.

Like anybody else, there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to die. However, I have enough life experience to know that I have no measureable happiness in the future.

It’s down to a few days now.. I just have to find the energy to get the things I need to go through with it.

Every day when I wake up, I’m scared and lonely. […]