If I could try to describe the way I feel it would be like an egg without anything inside. Then imagine that same egg being put under intense pressure. smashed broken and shattered….Its like this feeling in the center of my chest….not physical pain….but it just feels like darkness and despair. Â I can laugh at things that make me laugh but its absent of happiness…. I cant genuinely smile at anything. I don’t appreciate or value anything life has to offer. The sunlight has become dull and gray and when its dull and gray outside that is sunshine to me. A flower looks like a […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvDfIcMI3M4Â Â – one of the best songs ever
http://www.jukebo.com/utada-hikaru/music-clip,sanctuary,rvk33.html – Awesome song but unavailable on YouTube for copyright
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPXEOYM7vtMÂ – a must listen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVUDNj9S8TAÂ – I play this a lot….
Dont know if you will like them but these songs just speak to me unlike anything else….hopefully you will enjoy them  as well
Each day that I wake up I am just adding time onto my pain. I distract myself with T.V , this website and the internet to keep from killing myself. The urge is there. Sometimes I feel this deep rage inside me and a voice screams in my head “YOU NEED TO FUCKIN KILL YOURSELF” and I have to convince myself that the time isnt right now. Why am I lying to myself? I think is just the will to live. My heart, mind and spirit are all at war within me. My heart and mind says its over and this is the end but […]
These were the BEST TIMES OF MY FUCKIN LIFE. part of the reason Im so fucked up now is that I cant let go of these days. EVERYTHING was better back then. Music, entertainment,sports,the economy,food,places, just everything. Today is all Facebook, twitter and instagram. I dont have any of these things. nothing against them I just dont do social media nowadays but back them myspace kicked so much ass. From Michael Jordan to Michael Jackson the sports and music was WAY better. Rap actually had more lyrical content than “so much money this’ and “so many bitches that”. Sugar Ray was the shit hell I […]
I am sick of the bullshit that people say to me about suicide. All are invalid or just something they say because they dont know what to say.
“it gets better” – are you personally guaranteeing that? in reality it can also and more likely get WORSE
“someone loves you stay alive for them” – If suicide is selfish isn’t demanding someone to stay for you despite their pain and misery even more selfish?
“suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” – unless of course the problem is permanent then the solution is perfect. I dont think a temporary solution for a permanent problem is very […]
Reasons to commit suicide
I don’t love myself or self hatred
I have low self esteem
I lost all my friends
irreversibly damaged reputation and social standing with family
future is bleak
No ambition or motivation to set goals
So much regret for pass choices and decisions
inability to forgive myself and move on
credit score is in the trash
hard to get and keep a job and contribute financially to household
burden on family members
I hate living day to day repeating the same shit (eat,shit,sleep,wake-up,repeat)
I hate being weak
I am fearful of what my future will most likely become (homeless,broke,ostracized,lonely etc)
Pain of remembering the past and unable to return
I hate knowing I am a failure in life
To get […]
I cant sleep….One of those nights where Im up aimlessly searching the internet listening to the same song over and over (johnny cash-hurt). I went on my old myspace page….dont know what the fuck happened with the site but everything is gone except my photos and I was going thru them and Its amazing how time breaks people down….. I look NOTHING like my former self….I look tired, stressed and worn out now. I have pictures with old friends and I cant help but feel so much regret ….. I want to trade places with the Me in the photo…..I just want to get away […]
My mom thinks I should do normal things that “happy” people do. she doesnt understand how IMPOSSIBLE it is to do those things when your mind is constantly working against you. I can smile like nothing is wrong and in my head that voice says “why the fuck are you smiling for?” I could watch my favorite movie and the voice says “you know that its not reality right? in real life you are a fucking loser”…..In my head Its like two voices. the one I use for typing and writing and basic communication then its the inner critic who points out all the flaws, […]
I remember what I used to be like…. It was so long ago it seems… If I could see myself now and then nothing would match I don’t even look the same. I don’t know what started me down this dark road but I no longer see the light. I remember feeling happy but I don’t remember what being happy feels like. I cant focus anymore my thoughts are trapped in a cage with no opening. I cant even read a book and remember simple details about the book or even what I just read. Now I just feel like a rock on the side […]
I wonder if I were rich would I feel like this. Then I realize money really means nothing. Look at kurt cobain, brad delp, jovan belcher, chris benoit, bob birch, don cornelious, chris lighty, mindy mcCready, roy raymond, and countless others. Money dont mean shit and neither does fame. These people had it all and had accomplished things most of us will never come close to doing and still fell victim to this pain……money cant buy happiness and if it cant then what can?
anyone know of any songs like this? I dont want any hardcore rock just something soft and mellow thats sad like this song.
I live in Cincinnati. It is a small town where everybody knows and talks about everybody. I know something is wrong with me on the inside and Im afraid to seek help. I don’t want people thinking Im crazy and weak because I have a mental illness. I dont know for sure whats wrong but something is. I have symptoms like indecisiveness, It takes a great amount of energy and convincing myself to do simple things like cleaning and mowing the lawn, Ive been antisocial for the past year and lost all of my friends and greatly damaged family relationships, Ive planned and acquired the […]
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