Author

pasdespoir

I'm a med student. I've never had friends. I fell in love with a guy who hates me for it. I can't study anymore. I won't be able to graduate.

Do I look OK for you?

by pasdespoir 4/27/2015

written by pasdespoir

“Are you OK?”

I’m sick of hearing this question. No, obviously I’m not OK. But this doesn’t mean that I’m ready to share whatever is killing me with you.

I’m purposeless. I’m lost. I’m continuously crying. I’m craving for some love. I’m craving for someone who just makes me feel home.

But I don’t get this. I only get strange cold stares from people I meet everyday because I have to. I see the pity in their eyes. I can almost feel it filling the room whenever I walk by.

I just want to vanish and recreate a life of mine, a total new one, where no one would […]

4/27/2015 2 comments

They say they care but they don’t care

by pasdespoir 9/12/2014

written by pasdespoir

It is always the same thing. Funnily, I should say, it is always the same thing. They pretend to care. They pretend to share my sorrow. They pretend to wish me the best.

But they just don’t care. They have their little own things to worry about and I’m not a part of these little things. I’m just contingent. And why (WHY?) would they care for someone who isn’t necessary? I’ve heard it a couple of times. I’m just the depressed and anxious girl they know and I need to stop worrying and to have bright ideas. Yeah please do tell a diabetic person to stop […]

9/12/2014 6 comments

Searching for a new friend

by pasdespoir 8/27/2014

written by pasdespoir

So I ended up here because I thought I might meet people who think and feel like me.

Every single post makes me feel as if it was mine. But the thing is that here or in real life I’m not able to confront my fears of being rejected and meet new people.

So I thought maybe if I stated my centers of interests I might meet someone who share them.

1. I’m a BIG HUGE fan of Ken Follett.

2. I’m a pianist and I love music above everything else (not only classical but also rock and alternative, my favourite band being Coldplay)

3. I love reading and building […]

8/27/2014 11 comments

A girl who cuts herself

by pasdespoir 8/26/2014

written by pasdespoir

Yesterday, I completely lost hope. I needed to die. Like right now. I was choking because of my tears. My bestfriend – and the guy I’m in love with – didn’t want me to talk to him anymore. Because everything was my fault. Because it was my fault that I fell in love with him. Because it was my fault that everyone has noticed it.

I can’t live without him. Even the weird relationship we’re having was much sufficient for me to hold on. But him cutting me out of his life was too much for me to handle.

I scarred myself. But I didn’t bleed to […]

8/26/2014 2 comments

I hurt myself so you can’t

by pasdespoir 8/25/2014

written by pasdespoir

8/25/2014 3 comments

My miserable life

by pasdespoir 8/16/2014

written by pasdespoir

I can’t make friends. I’ve tried my whole life to blend in, to be like everyone else. But I just can’t. I thought I finally could make it. But it wasn’t a real friendship. People just want me to be available when they need me. But no one listens to me when I need company. I’m spending my days crying my heart out. Why does it happen to me? Why is everyone I’ve ever cared for happy and enjoying their lives and achieving their goals. Whereas I can’t do it. I’m not meant to do it.
I was so desperate and so in pain that […]

8/16/2014 9 comments