Author

Alex

Day 16.

by Alex 1/22/2016

written by Alex

Hello.

I’m still alive.

It’s been a while since the last time I posted here and to be quite honest I thought it was because I was getting better but I think that’s just a lie I keep telling myself so I don’t try to commit again. Lately I’ve been feeling quite down and have (LITERALLY) no friends to vent to and before this becomes into something more than it should I decided to come back and just, if not vent, at least just .. write .. about anything and everything, if that makes sense.

It’s going to be the anniversary of my last attempt and I feel […]

1/22/2016 3 comments

Day 15.

by Alex 11/6/2015

written by Alex

Alone at home.

They should never do that, or should they?

I went ahead an binge ate .. again … It’s very difficult to stay away from this eating disorders.

I once struggled with anorexia and bulimia and now binge eating.

Sometimes I get this healthy idea that I’m just gonna get better on my eating habits … but it’s too hard.

11/6/2015 3 comments

Day 14.

by Alex 11/5/2015

written by Alex

I’m afraid I’ve gone bad again. Well let’s be honest… I was never fine.

I’ve quite my job where I had to handle all the sexual harassment from my boss.

My “friends” don’t really reach out to me. I kind of don’t care yet it hurts .. does that make sense?

Still planning on my second attempt.

I did buy an anxiety toy so I can at least deal with that somehow.

But to be honest. The day for me to go seems closer and closer. Slowly.

11/5/2015 9 comments

Day 13

by Alex 10/20/2015

written by Alex

Because today I felt like self praising myself and I felt really good about myself that I decided to share with you a picture of me.

10/20/2015 14 comments

Day 12

by Alex 10/16/2015

written by Alex

What doesn’t kill you, makes you wish you were dead.

10/16/2015 5 comments

Day 11?

by Alex 10/16/2015

written by Alex

I’ve been meaning to post more often but most of the time I try to keep myself busy and try not to either cut or kill myself. Everyday.

Lately I’ve been feeling really, REALLY lonely and really wanting to find a boyfriend, but with my personality and me being very introverted and shy …. It’s really hard for me to approach really any guy or let any guy approach me … I’m just such a fail idk why I haven’t even attempted once more. Maybe this time it’ll work. Maybe I’ll fuck up myself even more. Who knows?

10/16/2015 1 comment

Day 10 Part 2.

by Alex 10/11/2015

written by Alex

Also .. I’m so sexually frustrated and miss the feel of having a boyfriend and being able to go out and just spend time with them and kiss them and what not …

Sorry I had to let it out … Cuz literally … the sexual frustration is intense ..

10/11/2015 7 comments

Day 10… Oops

by Alex 10/11/2015

written by Alex

So I haven’t been updating recently and a lot has happened in my life, so I decided that I needed to somehow let it all out and share with you guys. DISCLAIMER: It will be long …

So idk if I told you but my cousin moved back to my city (he used to live in Chicago) and he’s currently training to be a police man, but something that has been bothering me since he got here.. First of all, he doesn’t live with us, he lives with his other grandma. Second of all, my mom and grandma spend every single night during the week making […]

10/11/2015 1 comment

Day … 9?

by Alex 9/26/2015

written by Alex

So much has happened since the last time I posted. I haven’t been able to actually log in and write about it, but I thought, “I have to keep on writing and just let it all out, before this pot is ready to explode and suicide becomes the next and only option available.”

I mean suicide is always an option that tries to crawl out of the darkest depths of my mind and there are times that I just let it. I let it consume me and my thoughts because that’s easier than having to deal with reality. But then there are times that I’m just […]

9/26/2015 1 comment

Day 8.

by Alex 9/18/2015

written by Alex

Why? Why? Why?

9/18/2015 3 comments

Day 7.

by Alex 9/16/2015

written by Alex

I’ve been feeling worse and worse. Today in class I didn’t make the effort to open my notebook and take notes. I blankly stared at the slideshows and pretended to be engaging in class.

I tried to start on the three essays that are due tomorrow for my Communications class but greatly failed as I spent time watching videos on YouTube trying to keep myself alive. I lied to my mom about my second class of the day and told her that once again my teacher cancelled class so I could just go to my psych appointment and then we could go home.

I should probably try […]

9/16/2015 4 comments

Day 6. Post 3.

by Alex 9/16/2015

written by Alex

Psych class was pretty amazing. Learned that I’ve been having panic attacks and that it’s a thing that’s gonna keep appearing so I’m definitely going to talk to my psychologist about it and see what he has to say about that.

It’s very difficult to share something I enjoy with my family, especially with my mom. I try to tell her about how class went and what I learned and keep her informed that more stuff will keep pilling up with my depression … “You can change it, yeah it’s chemical reactions and all but you are able to control your thoughts and everything else that […]

9/16/2015 7 comments

Day 6. Part 2.

by Alex 9/15/2015

written by Alex

I’m so discouraged on doing homework. I have no emotion, no energy to write a fucking essay.

I have class in an hour and then after I have work. Lovely, lovely work.

This essay is due Thursday morning and I haven’t even started it. Not even my name.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

Should I drop my class? I just don’t want to go to school anymore but of course my parents will never allow that.

I still have quite some classes to take before I graduate from community college …

Idk what to do.

What if I try to end it all again? What if one more time I […]

9/15/2015 7 comments

Day 6. Part 1.

by Alex 9/15/2015

written by Alex

My alarm didn’t go off this morning so I slept in. I checked to see if I had anything due today … I have a test. Of course. I emailed my teacher for this class and told her I was sick and won’t be able to go to class and take the test. Let’s hope she let’s me retake it.

I decided to stay home until my next class which starts at 3:30. Abnormal Psychology. Helps me understand myself and others much better.

I’ll probably take my pill today …

Ps. I had a horrible dream with my father, and his new daughter and fiancee.. My subconscious trying […]

9/15/2015 0 comment

Day 5.

by Alex 9/15/2015

written by Alex

Today I completely forgot that I had a quiz due in one of my classes, because why the fuck would I worry about school when I can’t even with my mental illness. Anyways. I emailed my professor once I realized I hadn’t done it and told her I wasn’t going to be in class due to me being sick and whatnot. That ***** still didn’t want to accept my quiz. Well a loss for you.

My phone went off at the library at 9 a.m. which is the time that I have to take my meds .. I didn’t. Instead I spend my hour and thirty […]

9/15/2015 0 comment

Day 4.

by Alex 9/13/2015

written by Alex

I was going to write once I got back from work but my mom decided to make it a movie night since I wasn’t feeling so good.

So on my way to work I was feeling really sick. I was feeling really lightheaded, nauseous, and at the same time my blood pressure was really high. For a minute I thought maybe, just maybe I was going to have a heart attack and to be honest, I wouldn’t have minded if I did. When I got to work I didn’t know if I really wanted to spend the entire day feeling like this so I told my […]

9/13/2015 1 comment

Day 3.

by Alex 9/12/2015

written by Alex

I have to go to work in a couple of hours. I hate going there. I have to deal with constant sexual harassment from my boss. I’m quitting in a few weeks since he treats me like shit as well, he makes me do stuff that he can do, while he sits there watching dramas on his phone. I’m tired of being mistreated for 9 months and having to deal with the harassment without being able to tell anyone.

This morning my mom was awake early and noticed that I hadn’t taken my medicine at the time I’m supposed to so, she made me take it. […]

9/12/2015 11 comments

Day 2.

by Alex 9/11/2015

written by Alex

It’s been … Around 3 days since I stopped taking my medication.. I’ve been feeling really lightheaded throughout the day and I guess it’s something normal? I stopped because I dont think it’s doing any good to me or changing any thoughts of suicide and self harm. Of course my family and doctors don’t know that I’ve stopped, but my family has noticed me not feeling too good so I just told them the truth that I’ve been having some headaches and feeling lightheaded and whatnot but they don’t really give it too much thought. I’m going back to lying to my friends and family […]

9/11/2015 3 comments

Well Hello I Guess

by Alex 9/11/2015

written by Alex

I’ve been looking everywhere for a page like this to just share my feelings and thoughts with people who might be able to understand me and my feelings… This is hello for now

9/11/2015 2 comments