I cannot believe it but I’m at the point where I’m just willing to accept my death. if it comes tomorrow, day after, in the next 5 years even better!Some people say it gets better. for me it never has and now that i’m tired of hoping and trying to work so it does. I am willing to accept that death will be better than this existence. i dont know about afterlife, rebirth and shit. what happens then is another chapter but for now.. Death! i welcome you!
Lately, I’ve been becoming more and more angry about my situation at home(if I could, I would leave it but thats not an alternative due to factors like cops and getting a beatdown) It makes me so furious that I punch the walls in rage and just take out my blade and let it rip into my skin and after a few seconds, that blood flowing out, the release, the peace, the quiet within is an amazing feeling. It’s a temporary relief I know but which makes me think about running the blade down my jugular and taking the escape.
my BPD wont worsen, my temper […]
over the past few months I’ve pretty much realized and accepted the failure that I am and that feeling inside me doesn’t go away. I’m sick and tired of it and each time all the expectations that are brought infront of me by my parents make me realize even more of the enormity of how badly I’m failing them. it kills me inside and each time I get these supposed wake up calls it makes me so angry inside and I cut myself and keep moving the blade over and over my first cut. I let the blood flow, see the trail and ponder over the […]
on some days I feel probably okay..i try not to think much but most of the time..i feel exhausted! with my life..it’s just been one failure after another and add to that low self confidence and high self loathing..i just want it to end..if this is life..i don’t want it.. I have issues but I can never talk about them with anyone because whoever I consider close don’t know what it’s like..the whole “move on, fight, get on with it” thing doesn’t work for me..i’m tired of doing all that..im just exhausted and want some permanent rest and I’m in the final stages of getting […]
I undergo extreme emotional and mental stress at home and I cannot release it without cutting myself. I NEED to cut myself to get a release and feel okay and probably even a little light headed. it’s the only way I can. I cannot talk back to the person causing me the stress and tell how I feel so I just listen quietly waiting for the ordeal to be over so I can be alone and start the cutting! it isn’t the healthiest way to cope but its the only one I have. and the more I realize that statement, the more I think of […]
I distract myself, i try to move away from everything but in those moments when ii dont get sleep and all i can think about is everything, that loneliness, the complete sense of failure within me and i realize that if this is life now, the future will not be any better. I’m looking for a way to end this existence because i cant continue any longer..
im just tired of my life..having to wake up each day is such an effort! makes me not want to get up.. there’s an emptiness I cant explain and an isolation that crushes me every minute of the day. I know I’m depressed but nothing has really helped me.. don’t know why I’m still alive to be honest. if I die, maybe i’ll finally have an escape that I yearn for..
sorry if the title misleads but I have come to the realization that where I cut is not helping me anymore.. maybe my body has adapted and realized what im doing.. well I see this vein going along my bicep.. that’s going to be my next area of cutting! its a long vein so I can make a long cut and let just the blood flow
I suffer from low self esteem and confidence, I don’t have anyone to talk to and pretty simply find this is the only way I can cope with my emotions. I don’t have an outlet(other than here) to let go.. I […]
it’s very easy to say don’t expect and be happy but no matter what the ones we love.. we expect from them or some things are expected from us and no matter what you do your whole life trying to fulfill those expectations..you fall short! you disappoint and you feel really fckd up inside like you aint good enough and slowly slowly that takes over your mind and consumes you and you realize that it’s better to die than not be good enough!
Feeling so guilty over the fact that I’m going to disappoint my parents(have to break some bad news) yet again! it’s killing me inside and now is making me think to kill myself physically too! I was doing about okay when this piece of news dropped on me.. its my life story..when things are about to go okay there will be something to kill off any progress..
hate my life and truly want to see the end.. life is not worth living
every time I felt hopeless and just generally dejected I would cut myself and feel the pain and feel so much better! right now I cut myself deeper and longer(length of the cut)Â but still feel like crap! what the hell is wrong with me?
what if everything you ever did was never enough for the people you loved the most? you never matched their expectation.. each success you had could always have been better or you weren’t good enough when you failed. isn’t sometimes the whole idea of life a loss-loss.. you follow, you aren’t good enough.. you dared to rebel, how can you be so bad?
that quote of being a goalie is so true.. no one remembers the penalties you saved..just the ones you missed
everyone says its better to say a hurtful truth than a comforting lie but what if there was no lie to be said at all.. what if you had only hurtful truths to tell someone.. wouldn’t you want to spare them the pain even if it kills you inside
going through some shit in life and the more I try to not think about it and distract myself from it and keep my mind from thinking about everything by staying in my room and reading a book or whatever(flight)… more im encouraged to go out, see the world and live and feel better(fight) I don’t want to go out, I want to simply stay where I am.. I find myself fighting better by fleeing.. is this normal? is this even right?
PS- I think like this because when I’ll go out to run.. I’ll just keep thinking of everything(I know coz I tried) but when […]
I truly love my parents but everything my life has become makes me realize im such a bad investment for them and nothing but a disappointment to them.. it makes me hate myself that im still alive and I would rather die than continue to disappoint them.. I don’t know just figure that dying would save them so much disappointment later on. I mean isn’t it better to just die than keep giving them failures..?
you are put in situations which absolutely mess with your mind and there’s nothing you can do. even though friends and family try and say all these things like its just a setback or do some exercise or move on etc etc.. the clichés…
I do feel that these things apply to people who are just temporarily sad or have hope. people who are beyond that point and want the sweet release of death are not motivated by this sort of stuff.. I truly feel that people don’t get it and they don’t understand. it is easy to comment from outside of the looking glass. I […]
for whatever reason your attempt was thwarted..do/did you feel at any point that being saved was the worst thing that could have happened to you? death was the sweeter proposition than life? I seriously feel that death is bad-named for no reason, it is life that causes the problems
cut myself again today..purposely over the scar and the feeling of the blade going through my skin, see all that blood flow…. it was pretty amazing! the pain was such a sudden rush for me! definitely made me feel better than not cutting
We’ve got retreats, haven’t we? Well I was just wondering whether there’d be a suicide retreat ever in the future?  you go there, commit your act and its over! no lawsuits, no ethical concerns, no human rights advocates, nothing of that sort! I mean after all shouldn’t we be free to choose membership of that sort..
another user – missmisery posted a quote which ended with “And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.”
It was an absolutely perfect summation of why we take that step.
I have failed my exams, repeatedly, and watched lesser people pass. This recent one pushed me over. I had given it everything because knew full well I needed to pass but as usual when I didn’t see my number up there. I gave up. this life of failure […]