Feeling so guilty over the fact that I’m going to disappoint my parents(have to break some bad news) yet again! it’s killing me inside and now is making me think to kill myself physically too! I was doing about okay when this piece of news dropped on me.. its my life story..when things are about to go okay there will be something to kill off any progress..
hate my life and truly want to see the end.. life is not worth living
21 comments
whats the news?
i’ll be draining them financially.. I see myself as a bad investment to them and I don’t want them to continue wasting their future on me. I’d rather die so they can just cut their losses and move on…
Life will be worth living, don’t let some bad news win you over, you’re worth more than that, but know that I can totally understand your pain.
I’m over here, hoping you’ll make the right decision and not let this bring you too down
they’re your parents, whatever disappointment you may cause, they love you and you’ll work it out
imagine how guilty they’d feel if YOU disappeared..
@purplepain that hope of life will be worth living is gone to be honest. all I see is endless disappointments for me and by me. I’d rather not do that and keep going through it..
They are strong willed and will move on in time. I’m not worthy of being called their child so I might as well finish it..
I know, I can really relate to how you feel but I just can’t say okay to that
When things are going right there is always something to kill off the progress, but sometimes, things can actually go better; and they would always always feel guilty, you’re not just somebody, you’re their son/daughter and would never finish moving on, of that I’m sure..
Did you deliver the news yet?
I’m sorry I can’t do anymore, but please know I’m sending you my hope (even if it doesn’t help)..
your case is curious. I actually feel excessive guilt because I want to kill myself.
Dear pillarofsalt,
It sounds like your parents would trade every penny they have for you. Your life is worth more then paper currency to them. Believe in yourself, your parents see something in you! Life is a cycle of ups and downs. The amplitude and frequency are always changing.
@purplepain – thank you for your hope, just about to break the news to them. As far as the things getting better.. my problem is that when I start to think they’ll get better or some thing good will happen to me.. it doesn’t! I’m in this effed up cycle and cannot deal with it anymore..
@derityllaermai – maybe so but the excessive guilt makes me want to kill myself
@onlyloveisreal – and that exactly is the problem. they would and I don’t want them to. they are throwing away their future and a good retirement because of me. when you know you are worthless, seeing from another’s(even your parents’) eyes doesn’t help
Pillarofsalt, what do you see as failures in your life, besides the money spent on you?
umm..failing each year of school, finding no friends and/or partner(I’m terribly alone), im fat(have gone gymming, taking a nutritionist’s advice) but im still huge and a crushing sense that my future is going to be like my present..
I know they seem regular problems or some that can be handled easily but when they keep accumulating over a period of years.. you break down mentally
I hear what you are saying. I see the reasons that lead you breaking down. But I can also see why your parents keep trying,
thank you and that’s what kills me inside. them trying and then me disappointing them. I just feel crushed and want them to give up on a lost cause.
anyway thank you..i must go now..time to feel the only feeling of disappointment I’ve known by talking to them
Take care and don’t give up. You have great support. The only disappointment may be giving up on life
Money is just money… you can always help them financially later when you finish some studies (and even if you don’t you can still work and help them), the loneliness part is something you can solve in time (finding the right people for friendship or a relationship is hard tbh, some people just have it easier than others).
As for the weight problem… i was obese for 20 years (and i’m 31), was able to overcome it eventually before damaging my health too much… so don’t give up, you can hopefully overcome all those problems, even if it’s one by one and in due time 🙂
Money isn’t “just money.” (unless you already have enough that you don’t have to worry about getting more…)
Money is shelter, money is food, money is electricity and running water, money is internet, money is medical care, money is hygiene, money is transportation… money is what keeps you in acceptable physical and mental condition, so that other people don’t instantly shun you upon seeing visible signs of your incompetence or disadvantages.
Money is necessary.
But at the same time, money is bullshit.
@Clevername: Yup… i agree there (specially because i’m pretty much moneyless atm), but if you compare spending money to losing their son, i’d bet they’d say “money is just money” too, i was aiming at that with that comment
@keief – well, money isn’t money but i get the sentiment you had behind it. i agree its just that you have all these thoughts in your head and you can think straight. I hope someday my worries do disappear even if its one step at a time..
@clevername – you absolutely nailed it.. money makes the world go ’round but makes you worry so much..